5/18/2004~7/31/2006  

ByteChaser2 54M
2834 posts
8/4/2006 9:41 am

Last Read:
11/3/2006 10:16 am

5/18/2004~7/31/2006


I'm still trying to get my mind around this.

I left for the greater Salt Lake City area to attend a meeting. I drove. It's a nine hour drive but it's a pleasant, calming ride.

The week progressed well. All things considered, the meeting went ok. Some disappointments sure but thats the way of it when one is at the low end of the management food-chain.

So, Wednesday I'd decided to get a new set of tires for the car and maybe pay a visit to the "posse" at one of my old haunts.

I was met by a cocktail waitress at the door. A bit more than an acquaintance but just short of a friend. She had red, puffy eyes and a tremor in her lip. She'd been crying.

A dancer at this club - call her "C" had just had her world ripped apart the day I arrived. Her live-in fiance had murdered her two year old.

C was stricken with the "Bad-Boy" syndrome. Her ideal man was head-shaven, tattoo'd... Mean looking, aggressive. The kind of man you wouldn't want to meet drunk on a dark street somewhere.

Her ex is now languishing in the SLC Super max facility on drug and weapons convictions.

C and I became friends. And that's as far as it ever went with her. I'm no bad-boy you see... I've been to her home, had dinner with her mom, met dad... Played with her kids... Given a dry shoulder when one of her boyfriends slapped her down. Called in all manner of favors when her ex had his gang friends stalk and threaten her...

And we all, her friends, would plead that she'd get over the bad-boy thing she had going. It took a while, but it finally seemed to happen. She severed ties with all the various hoodlums she'd dated and decided to start a new, normal life.

I met her current man a year and a half ago. She brought him to me specifically so I and others could "assess" him. We grilled and questioned. Jobs, career plans, home life, childhood... I even paid out some cash to have a criminal check done on him. He'd had some minor dealings with the pointy end of the law, but nothing serious and nothing recent.

My vote was cautious acceptance.

C moved her and her children in with PJ six months ago or so. She quit dancing at his insistence and he cared for the family needs.

Things began to sour a bit, from the bits and pieces I've been able to assemble. He would become increasingly impatient with C's kids and with her. the shoving and hitting began in earnest just last month.

Now... C is no stranger to physical violence. She was into the bad-boy remember? The difference this time though was that she had made the decision to never go there again. For her and her children.

So, she went back to dancing. She would make the money she needed to get out. It went ok for a week or so. PJ would watch the kids while she danced the afternoon shift. And when she returned home, she'd hole up in her room with them until he either left or slept.

Monday afternoon began as had the previous week. C went to work, PJ was left to watch the kids.

And somewhere in the last couple hours of her shift, the police came with words no parent wants to hear. Her son... her beautiful, friendly, loving two year old son was dead.

In a fit of impatience and anger, PJ had thrown the boy some nine feet across his room. When this didn't have a quieting affect on the child, PJ slapped and punched the boy until he lay crumpled and quiet in a pile of toys.

He died a short time after...

Since I heard the news, I've been swaying across an emotional spectrum. Painfully sad for C and her loss, through raging, killing angry... at him, at C, at me...

Mostly at me even though I know we did due diligence with this guy.

I spoke with C yesterday. She's covered and crowded close with all her family and local friends. I expect that under the circumstances, she's ok.

I know there's only one set of shoulders onto which the blame can be placed. I know it's not mine or C's or any of the dozens of friends and relatives... I know. But to a person I've spoken with the last couple of days, the one recurring theme is our self blame in all this. We all feel a measure of culpability.

I'll put away the blame game... When PJ is shipped off to Super max... with the boys father. I expect dad will exact due retribution.

rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
8/4/2006 6:39 pm

so sad. just so sad


dawndirtymind 43F
370 posts
8/4/2006 6:50 pm

How horribly sad. I hate to see reports about violence, especially against children. Even worse when it actually hits close to home as this did for you.
Byte, you and C and her family are in my thoughts.


Sinderlicious 53F
310 posts
8/6/2006 7:58 am

*le sigh* I'm rarely speechless but crimes against the innocent and helpless always leave me without the words to express the gut wrenching ache I feel. I'm so sorry that something so horrific struck so close to home for you..sorry that a mother has to live with the loss and all that comes with it..sorry that there are monsters in the world that have crawled out from under our beds But it sounds as if you did the best and all that you could...and still are. Telling the story may save another.

Sin like you mean it!


ByteChaser2 54M

8/6/2006 8:54 am

So, just an update - and a warm thankyou from C and posse - PJ continues to come up with new and ever more elaborate "confessions". I'm sure he see's his own mortality looming ever closer.

I've heard that C and her Ex have been conversing over the phone, the staff at the prison giving special consideration to this particularly sensitive situation (The boy was his son). As much as she hates the thought of any interaction with the guy, he's really the only one with whom to fully share this grief and is coming to grips with his help.

I'll say one thing for her ex and his pack of animals... They exist in every strata of the shadey underworld of the greater Salt Lake City metro-plex. There are precious few hidey holes or sealed vaults into which PJ can find escape and security. Dad - or one of his crew - will eventually find him. Even criminalistic animals have good to contribute to society I suppose. I don't generally condone violence as a general rule but... There are definitely a handfull of people on whose graves I'd gladly dance a merry jig. That day will bring me my closure.

C isn't aware of this place - or more specifically my involvement here - but she knows I have an extended set of friends on the 'net. I've passed on to her your condolences and moral support. She and all those closest to her thank you, as do I. SJ, Dawn, Shaye and Sinder... and those who have stopped by to read and couldn't find words, I understand and thank you.


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
8/6/2006 3:09 pm

I read this the other day but as a parent (and a human, I suspect) I thought I'd wait until I could get past the awfulness of it to comment.

Still waiting. Will try again later.

PS: Yes, absolutely. Put away the Blame Game.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


pretty_blue_eyes 39F
2091 posts
8/24/2006 9:39 pm

Oh my gosh, how truly horrible!!! I'm so sorry for your friend C, it is most definitely not something a parent would want to hear. How are things now? I can understand why and the other friends do feel party to blame.

I have always heard that is was one of the worst things to go to prison for...to hurt a child whether it was sexual/physical or death. I'm not one to condone violence myself, but he will deserve what he gets, as does any person that would do that to a child. You are right, he will have no place to hide.


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