Kryptonite (With a Touch of Humor)  

BondJames1954 61M
11 posts
9/10/2006 3:00 pm
Kryptonite (With a Touch of Humor)


It was supposed to be a great weekend. But then I was supposed to have the perfect wife! All I wanted was a chance to fish a little, drink some beer, and just relax. I had a good job, but it was very stressful. I had planned this little escape for a month and Nan had known about it from the beginning.

It all started on Friday night, just as I was getting all my gear together for my trip to the mountains. Nan came out to the garage and dropped her little bomb.

€œMy mother called. She said Aunt Maureen is not doing well and that we should see her soon, if we ever wanted to see her again.€

I should have been more sensitive. I know that now. I just blurted, €œI really don€™t feel any need to ever see her again, so this is no problem. Besides, she has had a foot in the grave since I met you, and before that, from what your dad says.€

I received no response. Bad sign, I thought to myself. I looked at Nan. She had that look that is hard to describe, but all married men know. It was a combination of anger and the need to punish, to demonstrate control. It is the look that is supposed to make a guy drop to his knees and beg to be forgiven, so they can refuse and torture you for an undetermined number of days, or weeks. This was going to be a problem. That was obvious.

Why should a man fear a woman that barely tips the scales at 100 pounds and is just 2 inches over five feet? I have my own theory, the same one most men subscribe to. Women€™s power stems from that little triangle between their legs. That is the club they hold over you. It is the Kryptonite that turns the strongest fellow to a cowardly, spineless weakling. That is their power. But women forget, as their hormones alter their body chemistry, that the Kryptonite will lose its power if it is not used. I don€™t mean every day, but a man has to get a piece of ass a few times a month if a woman expects to maintain the power.

If you aren€™t getting any, the threat of being shut off has no effect, does it? Women learn about the power when they are young and enjoy getting laid. They use it to keep men in line and under control. Somewhere after 20 years or so, they begin to forget the source of the power and think it is simply fear that makes a man weak.

Most men would rather walk into a bear den than brace their wife and lose her favors for an extended period. As we stay in a relationship longer, we begin to realize that we aren€™t getting those favors, regardless of how many hoops we jump through. That makes the threat of withholding those favors moot. Men begin to actually think for themselves. They are freed from their shackles!

They can fish, drink beer with buddies, tell dirty jokes, and just plain have fun. This is very disturbing to the female. Many times they don€™t know why their influence has waned. Female control had become a habit for both spouses. Then the husband emerges from the fog and looks around. His head becomes clear and life calls to him. This lack of sex has advantages, he realizes. The truth has set him free! He ain€™t getting any, and he ain€™t going to get any, so why the Hell would he kowtow to some creature half his body weight? That was the revelation I had recently enjoyed.

It wasn€™t that I didn€™t want sex, and enjoy it when I did get it. I simply came to accept I was not going to get it more than a few times a year. There were always reasons (excuses) but the results were the same. No sex. The lengths I was expected to travel to get it kept increasing. Then she developed the theory that if I was hard, I was ready for sex. (I can€™t really see any fault with that logic.) There was no need to caress, fondle, and play with a hard cock. It was ready, so why waste time and effort? Certainly sucking that little guy was not an option!

The flip side was, she had to be wined, dined, licked, played with, and given some costly bauble, just for the opportunity to be considered for a shot at that little triangle. Then you climb that mountain and are almost home, after some of the hardest effort you can imagine, and you slip and say one little thing that €⁓spoils the mood€™. You do not pass go and do not receive any pussy.

Eventually it becomes so much easier and less frustrating to just watch the ball game, or go fishing. The fact that you stop asking isn€™t noticed for the first few months. She is glad you aren€™t bothering her. Eventually it dawns on her you haven€™t been putting out the effort she so enjoys crushing. One of her single greatest pleasures has been taken from her! She wonders if you are having an affair and watches your every move. Of course, you aren€™t dumb enough to get involved with another chunk of Kryptonite.

You are free and content. She is concerned and dismayed. Funny how it all balances out. She experiments with you, seeing how much effort you are willing to expend for that little slit. By now you have a clear head and really don€™t want to play the game. If she wants to get laid, she should get some lubricant and let you climb on. Forget all the wining and dining and one-sided foreplay!

€œWe will drive down tomorrow and visit Maureen. You can fish any time. This is more important,€ stated Nan with a finality that really pissed me off.

€œI have made my plans and I am keeping them. Maureen doesn€™t even know who you are, much less who I am. Cherish the memories of better days. I have been looking forward to this fishing trip for a long time and it will take something more important than a 90-year old aunt that can€™t recognize herself in a mirror, to ruin it,€ I declared.

€œYou are such a selfish, self-centered bastard!€ yelled Nan. €œGo fishing! I don€™t really care if you ever come back.€

That was fine with me and it would have not been too bad. We have had words like that before and gotten over it. This time I made a mistake. I allowed Nan to see why I had such freedom and clarity!

€œDon€™t expect any sex, either. I don€™t want you to ever touch me again,€ screamed Nan. That put me over the edge.

I started laughing. It wasn€™t a pleasant laugh, but it was heartfelt. €œI am stunned! After getting laid every night for 20 years, how will I survive?€ I asked. €œOld lefty has always served me well. It is just you and I, old Buddy!€ I snickered.

I held up my left hand and gave it a kiss. Nan just stared at me and I saw understanding in her eyes. Her threat had no effect, because I was already living the life of a monk. She turned and stomped back into the house and I finished my preparations.

Later that evening I was watching TV, alone, when the phone rang. I listened as Nan answered it in the kitchen. She was speaking very low, so I sneaked over by the door to listen. The gist was that Aunt Maureen was doing much better and there was no need to panic. The entire argument was unnecessary. Aren€™t they all?

When bedtime came, our bedroom door was locked. Nan had decided to punish me by not allowing me access to my bed. That didn€™t concern me so much, but I needed clothes and things for my early morning departure. I knocked and tried to explain the situation through the door. Nan yelled for me to go to Hell and I stalked down the hall to the guest room. I was fuming.

Sleep did not come easy that night. I was up at five and tried our bedroom door again. It was still locked. I had stewed all night and I was in an ugly mood. Why couldn€™t I just get my stuff and go fishing? She would have the house to herself and be rid of me till Sunday.

I backed up a couple feet and lunged against the door. The jamb splintered and the door flew open. Nan sat up, instantly awake. She started to say something, but the look on my face gave her pause. I threw my fishing clothes in a duffel bag and walked out to the car. We never spoke.

I had promised Dan that I would pick him up at six and I was only a few minutes late. He came striding out of his apartment complex with a smile and a case of beer under his arm.

€œWhat a great day for fishing, Steve! I have all the staples right here,€ he laughed as he patted the beer. €œLet me get my tackle and we can get started.€

In a few minutes we were headed for the best fishing in three counties. I must have been acting grim because Dan asked why I was so glum.

€œYou are single, Dan, so you wouldn€™t understand. Nan was a pain in the ass. I just wanted to have a nice relaxed weekend. The funny part is she told me I was shut off, and I haven€™t been getting any anyway!€ I lamented.

€œThat is why I am single, Steve,€ replied Dan. €œI found there are a lot of women out there. If they feel they have to work to keep you, or please you, they will. If they become complacent, or too certain you are under their control, they shit all over you.€

€œYou are exactly right,€ I agreed. €œShe has lost interest in pleasing me. I sometimes wish she would have an affair just to increase her interest in sex. I would be likely to get some, even if it was guilt-driven. Any sex is good, isn€™t it?€

Dan laughed, €œThat has always been my experience. You need to shake your wife up a little. That€™s all.€

€œShit!€ I yelled. €œI was so pissed off I forgot my tackle box and my license! I am sorry Dan, but I have to go back and get them or I won€™t dare fish. I have heard of a few guys getting fined pretty good.€

€œNo problem, Steve. It won€™t take that long since we don€™t have to swing by my place. We can get your stuff and be headed out in an hour or so. I can show you how to handle women if the wife gives you any shit,€ laughed Dan.

€œYou never met my wife! I just hope she doesn€™t have me arrested or something,€ I responded.

I enjoyed Dan€™s company. We worked for the same company and had hit it off from the day he started there. He was a big guy. He used to play on the defensive line at Notre Dame and he was still in good shape. He was not a guy to have angry with you.

When we pulled into my drive, I noticed the door was not closed entirely. The garbage was sitting by the door. It looked like Nan had started to take it out to the corner and was side tracked. That would not be unusual. She was prone to neglecting, or forgetting details. I pushed the door open and looked inside. Nan was not in sight and I began to think I should just grab my stuff from the garage and leave, but the door being opened worried me.

I heard some muttering or something in the kitchen so I quietly went over and looked in. It took a minute for me to figure out what Nan was doing. It appeared that she had gotten her long hair caught in the garbage disposal. She must have hit the switch just in time to keep from being pulled into the thing. As it was, she was bent over the sink with her face against the back of the sink. She was completely helpless and essentially blind. There was no way she could see me, or anything else. The backside of the sink was the most she could see. I had cautioned her several times about her hair and the inevitable had happened.

Nan was wearing a short robe. It hardly covered her ass and it had opened in front. Her breasts were swaying as she squirmed and mumbled into the sink. I heard a low gasp and turned to see Dan behind me. He was looking over my shoulder at Nan. He raised his finger to his lips, telling me not to speak.

He quietly walked around me toward Nan. €œWell, lady you seem to be trapped,€ he boomed.

Nan was so surprised she almost feinted. €œW-w-who is that? Can you please help me? I can€™t get my hair out of this damn thing! Will you help me?€ pleaded Nan.

€œSure, I will be glad to help you lady,€ chuckled Dan.

He placed his big hand on her back and Nan flinched. He slowly ran it down to her ass and squeezed her ass. Nan started moving around with her ass and feet, but there was really no place she could go. Dan reached under Nan and grabbed a breast. Now he was kneading her ass and squeezing a breast! My cock started to throb as I watched Dan feeling up my wife of 22 years.

€œPlease don€™t! I am a married woman. This is my house,€ Nan squealed as Dan pinched her nipples.

€œI don€™t see that you are in a position to tell me what to do,€ chuckled Dan. €œNow stand still and enjoy this!€

Nan kept moving her ass, trying to escape Dan€™s big hands. He brought his hand back and cracked Nan across her ass, I could see his hand print on her skin. She whimpered into the sink, but stopped moving.

€œThat is more like it. Behave and I won€™t have to do that again,€ scolded Dan. As he spoke, he pulled Nan€™s robe off her shoulders. He took one arm and then the other out of the robe and tossed it aside.

€œLady, you have some nice tits!€ admired Dan as his hands returned to fondling her. €œYour nipples are really hard, too. Are you starting to get turned on?€ he asked.

€œNo!€ replied my darling wife. €œPlease stop that and help me get free,€ she pleaded.

Dan€™s left hand was full of tits and his right hand was caressing Nan€™s ass. He moved it down between her legs and gently played with her pussy lips. Nan was making strange noises into the sink.

€œYou little slut! You are all wet back here,€ said Dan. With that he slid a finger into Nan.

All I could hear from her were whimpering noises as Dan plied her tits and fingered her pussy. Her hands were on the sink, helping maintain her balance. Dan took his hand off her tits for a moment and pulled down his zipper. He proceeded to extricate what I would have to regard as a very large cock, and it was only half hard. He grabbed Nan€™s hand and placed it on his shaft. She quickly removed her hand.

Dan was unfazed as he brought his other hand back and slapped Nan€™s ass again. Again I saw his handprint. Then he took my wife€™s small hand and placed it back on his semi hard cock. This time she left it there.

€œWork that cock, slut!€ barked Dan. €œYou want it hard for that juicy little pussy, don€™t you?€

I had to give Dan credit. He really took charge. He left no doubt Nan was to follow his instructions. I was rubbing my cock through my jeans as I watched.

Nan slowly ran her hand up and down his shaft as Dan inserted his finger back into her tight snatch. I was transfixed as I watched Dan finger my wife with one hand and pull her tits and nipples with the other while she slowly jerked him off. I noticed her hand was traveling farther up his shaft as she stroked. I could imagine Nan was trying to gauge the actual length of Dan€™s impressive rod. It was getting quite hard and Nan€™s hand would not reach around it. I bet it was ten inches long and bigger around than her arm!

Dan worked two fingers into her and then three. The faster he plunged into Nan, the faster she worked his cock. He controlled her speed with his own. Her cunt was really wet. I could hear his big fingers squishing in and out. Suddenly, Nan moaned and it looked like she was going to collapse. Dan held her up as she shuddered through an orgasm.

€œVery good, my little slut,€ encouraged Dan. €œYou are really enjoying this aren€™t you?€

There was no response and Dan ran his hand over her ass and then pulled back to deliver another slap.

Somehow Nan sensed what he was going to do. €œI am enjoying it! Don€™t hit me, please,€ she begged.

Dan returned his hand to her wet box and this time he started concentrating on Nan€™s clit. By now it was very sensitive and very apparent. Nan resumed jacking his monster off.

€œWould you like to feel my cock in your little pussy?€ he asked. €œYou have to ask for it, if you want it. Tell me if you want my big cock shoved into your tight little hole, slut!€

I don€™t know if it was fear of being spanked again, or if it was lust, but I could hardly believe my ears.

€œPlease put it in me. I want to feel it inside my pussy,€ pleaded Nan.

€œPut what inside you, slut?€ demanded Dan.

€œYour penis. Put it in me, please,€ begged Nan again.

€œIt is a cock, not a penis. Your husband probably has a penis. You have your hand on a cock,€ Dan said. €œNow you tell me if you want my fat cock in your tight pussy!€

€œI do. Please put that big cock in my little pussy. Please fuck me now!€ Nan cried.

It was like watching a master do a painting, or a great musician composing an opera. Dan was playing her like a violin. I was jerking my own cock as I watched the scene unfold.

Dan stepped behind my wife and placed his cock between her legs, along her stomach. It reached up to her tits! The difference in their stature was incredible. He continued to rub Nan€™s clit as he spoke to her.

€œYou will have to put it in if you want it,€ he informed her. €œI am not some monster that forces himself on helpless women. If you don€™t want my cock, just say the word and I will leave. It is your choice.€

Nan reached down and grasped his pole in her small hand. Dan backed off, about 10 inches I would guess, and allowed her to place his cock head at her little opening. She rubbed it up and down her slit, getting it as wet as she could.

€œNow, brace yourself, slut. This cock will hit places that have never been touched before. Just relax and enjoy the ride,€ he told her.

He pushed and Nan gasped. The head of his cock was still in sight. Dan kept the pressure constant and Nan began to move her ass just enough to find the most comfortable position. Slowly the huge head began to slide in. Nan€™s breathing was rapid. Sweat was covering her body. Still Dan pressed on. I watched as three inches went in. He stopped and waited. Then he pulled back a little and slid back in. He kept this up for a long time, gradually sinking deeper and deeper into my wife€™s cunt.

When Dan reached the halfway point with his giant pole, Nan began to orgasm. He held her up as he continued to work his cock in and out. It looked like Nan was in a constant state of orgasm now. She was moaning and groaning and muttering into the sink. Her legs were trembling and I am sure she would have collapsed and broken her neck if Dan didn€™t maintain a grip on her hips.

He had about two inches left when he appeared to bottom out. He must have been against Nan€™s cervix. She was making no sense now as Dan kept working his giant cock inside that tiny space. Suddenly Nan gasped loudly and I saw that Dan had driven his cock all the way to the hilt. He must have entered Nan€™s cervix!

Dan stood still for a few minutes and allowed Nan to adjust to this incredible invasion. Gradually she regained her breath and even started squirming around on Dan€™s huge love muscle.

€œAre you my slut?€ he asked. €œIs this the best cock you ever had?€ Do you want me to really fuck me now, whore? I am done playing and I am ready to give you the fucking of your life.€

€œYes! You are the biggest and the best! I am your slut, your whore. I must be to want this so bad. Fuck me hard! Make me come again, you big bastard!€ cried Nan.

This was my sweet little frigid wife talking! I lost it there and shot a load on the kitchen floor. Dan was not done tormenting her.

€œYou like my cock better than your husband€™s, don€™t you, whore?€ he asked. €œYou hope you never see the little peckered bastard again don€™t you?€

€œPlease, I beg you, just fuck me. I love my husband, but your cock is bigger, better than his. Now use it, for God€™s sake!€ Nan implored.

Dan winked at me and started moving in and out of Nan€™s pussy. He would pull back till the head was out and then ram it all back in. Soon Nan was back to moaning into the sink. She must have cum five or six more times before Dan groaned and held her ass as tight to him as he could.

I saw his balls contract and his cock pulse. He was filling my wife with his seed. It was the most erotic thing I ever saw. Nan was not using any kind of birth control, I realized. Why would she if she wasn€™t having sex?

€œYou nasty slut!€ Dan moaned. €œYou put my cock into your little pussy and begged me to fuck you. What sort of wife are you? I would say you are a little whore, wouldn€™t you? You made me pour my seed into your womb, didn€™t you? I hope you aren€™t going to try to hook me into child support, you slut

I realized. Why would she if she wasn€™t having sex?

€œYou nasty slut!€ Dan moaned. €œYou put my cock into your little pussy and begged me to fuck you. What sort of wife are you? I would say you are a little whore, wouldn€™t you? You made me pour my seed into your womb, didn€™t you? I hope you aren€™t going to try to hook me into child support, you slut!€

I looked at Dan with panic. He smiled at me and shook his head. He was telling me not to worry and I immediately felt better.

€œYou better fuck the shit out of your husband, slut. If you get knocked up he will think it is his. You will do that, won€™t you?€ asked Dan.

€œYes! I want him to think any baby is his. I can€™t lose him,€ confessed Nan. €œI will make him believe it is his!€

€œGood girl,€ continued Dan. €œIf it is a boy, name it Daniel, you hear?€ He was grinning from ear to ear now.

€œI promise I will,€ replied Nan. €œNow would you please help me out of this situation? I cannot stand this way much longer.€

Dan pulled out of her and the cum trickled down her thighs. He wiped his cock on her ass and replaced it in his pants.

€œI will put a pair of scissors on the counter and you can cut your way free after I leave,€ Dan offered.

He walked over to me and pushed me out of the kitchen. Then he whispered to me to get my tackle and get the car running, which I quickly did. I waited only a minute and Dan came hurrying out the door and jumped into the car. I backed out and sped up the road.

€œWe will not mention this to anyone, agreed?€ asked Dan. I nodded my assent.

€œI hope that brings her around, man. She is some nice piece of ass. You are a lucky man,€ Dan stated.

I realized he was right. We went on to have a great weekend fishing and drinking beer. I did wonder what sort of reception I would get when I got home on Sunday evening.
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