BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F
1008 posts
4/3/2006 5:29 pm

Last Read:
4/8/2006 9:51 am


As I look around blog land these days, I see a lot of fighting. Perhaps the old adage about the pen being mightier than the sword really hits home here. I just don’t get it.

Personally, I’ve never really cared much about other peoples’ opinions of me. Other than a few very wise, caring family members and friends whom I could count on one hand, I simply won’t behave to please other people. Sure, there are specific situations, like in a job, where you have to perform to get your pay and advancement. And with loved ones, I’ll compromise a bit to make them happier if it really matters to them. But I’ll tell ya, I certainly couldn’t give a flying fuck what anyone on this site thinks about me. Hell, I haven’t even met any of you in person (well very few of you). You could all be cyber bots for all I know.

Many people base their actions in life on trying to make others approve of them. You see it running rampant in our culture. Hell, just look at designer labels and body enhancements. (Not that there’s anything wrong with designer labels and body enhancements, if you’re doing it for YOU, and not to please others). Now, of course, we all wanna be loved. But if you ask me, being loved isn’t about other people having good opinions of you. Real love is unconditional.

Not only do I refuse to let other peoples’ opinions of me matter. I also refuse to defend my point of view. Isn’t it amazing how much precious time and energy people spend to defend their points of view? Why? Is the meaning of life a debate team? Is this blog land a court of law?

Just try this out for size. Let go of the need to defend your point of view. Just HAVE it. If people agree, fine. If they don’t, fine. Why do you need to convince anyone of anything? Who the hell is counting? Try this, and see the enormous amounts of energy it frees up. When you become defensive and blame others for your situations, you meet resistance. And when you meet resistance, and then counter it, you force the situation, and this just increases the resistance. Next thing ya know, somebody is hurt, for no real reason. If you can completely stop defending your point of view, and have no point to defend, you do not allow the birth of an argument. I know I won’t.

I’m not saying become a door mat and let people take advantage of you. I’m saying try this out in the small stuff, like blogs. Then move it to bigger things. Eventually, you’ll find that there are very, very few situations that require you to be defensive. You’d be surprised how much freer and lighter you’ll feel.

“People people, let’s start together, let’s do it right now.
People people, let’s love one another, I know we know how.”

--Carlos Santana, “Migra”

digdug41 50M

4/3/2006 11:40 pm

Dont sweat the small stuff coz its al small stuff, yeah BF I feel ya on this I know I dont let shit get to me thats why I blog it out and when its done then its on to the next one and I have to say thatI dig how you put this down I'm stil working on my tactfulness coz I aint sick but I aint well either and I know I cant let poeple have it whenthey work on my reserve nerve lik etoday sensually katey thought I was writing the blog solely about her and its not about her but she just so happen to cross my path and I let her have it but thats it as far as I am concerned it is a dead issue be good man and its always a pleasure to see you at my blog keep comin back cyaroun

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

BenefitsFriend69 replies on 4/4/2006 6:04 pm:
Exactly my friend, it is ALL small stuff. We only make it big stuff when we choose to. I'm not gonna let anyone else besides ME make something small into something big.. See ya soon. BF

runzwithknives 61F

4/4/2006 8:03 am

I've seen a bit of this here over the past couple of weeks. Disheartening to say the least. Hopefully it isn't a chronic condition.
You are right tho, part of the problem is the medium. No body language to go along with the comment(s). No context. We all need to be a bit more sensitive.

You know, I always figure if I throw something out there I'm subject to whatever anyone else wants to throw back. Good, bad or indifferent, it doesn't matter.
I won't go to great lengths to defend my position either. Having someone ask for clarification in a respectful, thoughtful way is far different. And spurs communication without defensiveness and resistance. Are our opinions so very important to us that we have to berate others for theirs?

Can't we just practice a bit of respect for all involved, please?

You are right on with this one, BF.


BenefitsFriend69 replies on 4/4/2006 6:06 pm:
Yeah, I often wonder what happens to basic respect in the world. My default is kindness. And most of the time, I'm able to let the shit go by me. Most of the time that is... Thanks for stopping by sexy!

saddletrampsk 55F

4/4/2006 10:53 am

I have the same philosophy as you..I really don't care what ppl think of me and I respect others points of view, even if they are dumb as a bag of will not catch me spreading hate and anger, I chose to spread the love and respect

BenefitsFriend69 replies on 4/4/2006 6:08 pm:
Yeah saddle when ya think about it, if you give much credence to what other people think about you, you can end up at the mercy of any guy on the street. Seeking approval and all that...

Dumb as a bag of hammers, I like it I like it! Thats me most days!

See ya around

saddletrampsk 55F

4/4/2006 10:55 am

Oh..and I forgot to tell ya..Im a slutty sex bot too..

BenefitsFriend69 replies on 4/4/2006 6:08 pm:
LOL! Well for a bot that's a pretty good nipple recreation...

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
4/6/2006 11:39 am

absolutely unconditional.
and life is short if we live to be 3000...
i know.

keeping a sense of humor helps too...
i know you know...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

BenefitsFriend69 replies on 4/7/2006 11:26 pm:
Yes goddess, life is short, and laughter is our gift. I really think comedians are our saviours. xo

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