Me and My Big Mouth, Er, Blog  

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F
1008 posts
12/7/2005 5:15 pm

Last Read:
4/11/2006 3:22 pm

Me and My Big Mouth, Er, Blog

Me and My Big Mouth, Er, Blog - Should I Have Whipped It Out?

---Cut to Blazing Saddles scene, with Clevon Little as the Sheriff:
Sheriff: "'Scuse me, while I whip dis out."
Crowd watching: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (screams) LOL

Should we show our stuff to people who wouldn't normally be on A FF? Not that stuff. I mean our blogs.

I met a lovely woman on this site recently. She had a very innocent sounding profile, with drop-dead gorgeous pictures of her sitting naked with her back to the camera, in a sort of a Lady Godiva pose. She's petite, with long dark hair. I wrote to her, she wrote back, and eventually we met. By the time she got a good taste of this site, she took her ad off. She had no clue about the shock and awe, especially the body parts coming at her and the liars. And, on the one date she had from here, she walked out on during drinks because the guy could talk of nothing but wanting to fuck her. Sound familiar?

Lovely Woman has a girlfriend (platonic) who meets loads of guys on here. The girlfriend told Lovely Woman to put an ad on here, so she could meet guys. This girlfriend really gets around (like a record baby!), kinda like a guy. The girlfriend's plan is to "have a lot of fun until she meets 'the one'." The girlfriend told the Lovely Woman that she doesn't go out with guys who have network friends, since, in her mind, they "get around too much." Bless the little minx's heart. Good ole double standards. Gotta love 'em.

Lovely Woman has another girlfriend on here who's married. This girlfriend and her husband have had lots of swang things: threesomes, foursomes, etc., and have tried to get Lovely Woman to join. She says the thought appalls her and she'd never even go close. As of late, this girlfriend of Lovely Woman became a born again Christian. And her husband still "swings." Man, is that an accident waiting to happen or what?

So, I'm getting to know Lovely Woman, and I must admit I'm infatuated, for a lot of reasons I won't bore anyone with. And it is mutual. Lovely Woman wants monogamy and exclusivity in a relationship. Usually I would just move on at this point. But the timing seems good, since I'm tired of all the trauma and hassle of having more than one partner, and would be willing to give something more exclusive a try.

Well, what better way to get to know me than to read my AdultFriendFinder blogs? RIGHT? Well Lovely Woman did read them. And my goodness did THAT generate some conversation! And now Lovely Woman doesn't believe I can handle something exclusive. Imagine that. Our post-blog conversation went something like this:

Lovely Woman: "My God you have blown me away! Wow! My head is spinning! You can't be monogamous, can you?"

Me: "Well I never said can't. Just that I struggle with the whole concept sometimes and if I'm in a monogamous relationship, we would have to put it on the table and work through it. But I am a man of my word, and if I give my word, then it is law. Period."

Lovely Woman: "So if we have an agreement that we are exclusive and monogamous you'll follow it?"

Me: "Absolutely. Why do you think I showed you my blog? Why do you think I'm having this conversation and bringing all these things up right away? I want you to know exactly where I'm coming from."

Lovely Woman: "Which is from where?"

Me: "Again, as we've discussed, I'm tired of all the playing around. I've had enough. I want to try something more exclusive, more permanent."

Lovely Woman: "So what happens when a few months go by and the initial romance wears off and all of a sudden you're not interested in me anymore, and you want to go find someone else? What then? Heartbreak!"

Me: "How do you know that will happen? You're projecting the future that hasn't happened yet."

Lovely Woman: "You're saying it will yourself! In your blogs!!"

Me: "Okay, let me try to explain the blogs. Again. The blogs are my way of expressing myself, with an audience. Saying what I'm thinking, so I can get feedback if I'm lucky. And giving feedback to others when I can. Some of it's real, some of it's fantasy, some of it's just expressing what's in my head. Like all the other bloggers do."

Lovely Woman: "Well that all sounds nice but some of the stuff you've said you've done, that's very recent!"

Me: "Not necessarily. I had some time off this fall and used it to journal. Lots of that blog stuff is journaling, memories from way back. But yeah, some of it's recent."

Lovely Woman: "So that one about the black girl, did you go back to her place and have sex the same day you met her at lunch?"

Me: "Wow you read that? That post was buried way down in the bowels of my blog."

Lovely Woman: "Yes I read ALL of them! So did you?"

Me: "No"

Lovely Woman: "Why not?"

Me: "Because I'm not really that attracted to black women. I love black people, just not that sexually attracted to black women. Usually. But I wouldn't rule it out."

Lovely Woman: "What if she were a hot little blonde or something, then would you have?"

Me: "Hell yeah!"

Lovely Woman: "See!"

Me: "But wait, that's my whole point. I've done enough of that now. I'm ready for a change."

Lovely Woman: "You're not convincing me. Sorry. I have had my heart broken way too many times to fall for this. You seem like a player to me. Sorry that's just what I see."

Me: "I admit I have played, and "player" is a pretty harsh label. I see it more as finding myself and figuring out what I wanna do after a lot of years of exclusive relationships. And like I said, I'd like to be done playing. Or at least I want to stop and see how something more exclusive would be."

Lovely Woman: "Yeah you say that."

Me: "Well what else can I say? At least I'm showing you myself. And I'm telling the truth. That's a good start isn't it?"

Lovely Woman: "Yeah maybe. My first reaction after reading your blogs was, I only wanna be friends with you. That's how I'm leaning."

Me: "So what if you hadn't read the blogs? Would you believe me then?"

Lovely Woman: "Probably."

Me: "Damn. Well okay, think about it. I'll be around."

Lovely Woman and I talked a lot about sex prior to her reading the blogs. She says she's never had the desire to be with another woman, two men, a threesome, or any other non one-on-one, non-monogamous situation. She also says, that when she was married, the thought of being with someone else never crossed her mind. Ever. I said, oh come on, I don't believe you. What if a gorgeous man gave you lost of attention and made you laugh and smelled nice and was really sexy, and was around you a lot? Wouldn't you even THINK about it? That must happen all the time. She says no. Hard to believe from my perspective, but who am I to say? I'm sure we scumbag men hit on her all the time, even when she was married. A FF totally freaked her out. But she says she loves sex with her man and wants to be the proverbial lady in public, slut in the bedroom, and so forth. She says she had no idea these kinds of things were going on so much these days, and she feels naive. She had an inkling, but no clue. It feels like she's telling me the truth, but I'm not sure yet.

So, on the one hand you have me. Married 18 years, divorced, in a relationship right after the divorce for three years, then played and played and played for the past four years. And man, did I play. (wink wink, nudge nudge). And I'm tired of it. Then on the other hand you have her. Married once, totally faithful, heart broken by cheats afterward, wants something similar to marriage except with a better guy. And she digs me. Until she saw my blog anyway.

I'm not sure what's gonna happen here. I can tell she is really, really attracted to me, and I her. The infatuation is amazing, something I haven't felt in ages. Will her fear override her desire to try a relationship with someone like me who fascinates her yet scares the hell out of her? We'll see...

Should I have shown her the blogs? They're out in public, sure, but she wouldn't have found them had I not offered to show them. Do you show anyone your stuff outside this forum? Oh wise fellow bloggers, enlighten this playa here will ya?

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
12/7/2005 5:49 pm

Heres my thoughts on it

You arent a player. The main thing that DOES shine brilliantly in your blogs is your SINCERITY.

Now if she cant see that, and realize it is a very desirable trait when getting to know someone.. shes totally misread you thru her eyes and perhaps her previous baggage instead of giving you an unbiased chance to prove yourself...Ok im off my soapbox now..I got a Choclick Martini to finish...

*skipps out all diva style in her leopard jammies*

And heck thats what my blogs r get to know me,and know what u may be gettin

Its good to be...ME

digdug41 50M

12/7/2005 6:11 pm

I have shown mt blogz to a few people outside of this and they just think I'm crazy to divulge so much of my real self here I tell'em its therapuetic for me and thats that. hey I am glad your back man I really dig your blog you write some really good stuff keep it up. I wanted to comment on the one before but I got no confirmation # so here I am on this one hopefully it will stick and you see it take care bf and most definitely be seeing you around.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
12/7/2005 6:24 pm

of course you should have shown her...its part of your world she should know....give her time sweets... its a lot to take in all at once.

fantasia_shares 48M/45F
4164 posts
12/7/2005 6:43 pm

Ya know what? If you value honesty in a relationship, then you did the right thing.

If you want a successful relationship eventually, focus on YOUR goals and YOUR values. What do YOU want? What is important to you in a partner? Make a list, check it twice. Then, think about those things you would LIKE in a partner, but aren't completely necessary, again, make a list, check it twice. THEN, last but not least, what DON'T you want in a partner? And of course, check it twice. THAT is a better start than someone's lovely backside, even if it is as lovely as mine

As far as said woman goes, perhaps you could ask her to make the very same types of lists...and the two of you can sit down and compare...and if they are really that different, you can just be terribly good friends. Really, I promise you, you don't want to put a round peg in a square hole. It just doesn't work. If she is really really that incompatible when it comes to her goals and values, it is NOT worth the trouble you are in for.

It sounds to me that you have enjoyed your swinging time. If a woman you are interested in is so far off your map as to have no idea how you can fit into her life because of that, she is probably too narrow minded for you to be completely happy with. Attraction and infatuation can be a nightmare when you are terribly incompatible on the goals and values level. If what you are looking for is a healthy honest relationship, the basis for your relationship must be far deepr than "attraction" or "infatuation." You must have a deeper admiration of and compatibility.

Also, beware the attraction of "what is out of reach." Don't give away the store to have something just because you've been told you can't have it. I'm always amazed at the men who will pursue 10x harder because they've been told "no" or "i'm married."

Figure out what is important to you...let her figure out what is important to her...discuss it...and act accordingly. Don't run your relationships soley on the basis of emotion. They just aren't worth your energy.


You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

12/8/2005 9:10 pm

Bunz: thanks so much for reading this and for your thoughts. I guess any time ya put yourself out there, anything can happen. Yer right, that's what blogs are for...

BF << wondering where to get application for next cabana boy opeing.

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

12/8/2005 9:13 pm

digdug, thanks for this. I agree, therapy. Caught up on your blogs, nice to be back.

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

12/8/2005 9:47 pm

Hi tipadee, very nice of you to drop by and write. Yeah I agree, if someone reads your, then they read your blog, there it is... But as far as people being able to see your blog, check this out if you haven’t: google your A F F handle. Surprise!

sj - yeah, time’s always good. Thanks.

Fantasia: great advice, appreciate it. I’ve done that kinda thing before with the intentions and lists. It does help clarify. And I hope I’ve bumped into enough wisdom over the years to know infatuation and attraction can be very fleeting. But damn it’s fun. And after that it’s kinda wait and see. But I won’t make myself vulnerable to heartbreak easily. And yeah, that is one lovely backside!!

Honni I think your hunch may be right on. Perhaps I can help her explore some of those sides..

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
12/11/2005 12:17 pm

Trust is an interesting thing. When a woman begins to trusts a man, she starts opening to hearing herself and him differently. It takes more time than others to fully trust and some never do...truth. It sounds to me that you are being authentically who you are and you bring a great deal of life's experiences to the table.

Told the Truth quicker..that is what you did. I applaud you.
You know. Take it one day at a time. Life is full of choices.
You know that also and you know your process of choosing....

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

12/11/2005 9:00 pm

goddess: So sweet of you to take the time to read this and comment, thanks. Yes, the trust thing.. We all process events differently, and no two people see the same thing the same way. One person could look at someone's past (e.g. blogs here) and say, "yawn, what else ya got?" Another could look at the same thing and be totally freaked out. And everything in between.

The way I see it, if we can come from a place of integrity no matter what we've done, and care less what people think of us, we live much lighter lives. That's what I'm working on anyway.

FYI, Lovely Woman and I got together Friday. So I didn't scare her away completely.

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

12/13/2005 9:08 pm

Hi wtrsong . That's exactly what I'll do.

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
12/27/2005 1:14 am

Friday? ...........kewl
Maybe you didn't scare her at all ...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

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