Becca  

Becca53913 58F
151 posts
3/29/2006 8:15 am

Last Read:
4/6/2006 12:38 pm

Becca

I have a feeling that a few people may be dating off of the people they have meet on this site. Way to go.

My thoughts are.......
Do you ask if they are also dating others?
Do you state that you do not want to be dating just one peraon. You may really like him/her but do not want to make any commitments at this time. People should really get to know each other well. Will this hurt their feelings or hurt a relationship that may bloom to more later? Then also you may feel like you are in a competition of sorts.

Very confusing this dating thing.

I guess my thought would be .....What am I comfortable with? What do I want my guidelines to be? Would I feel in competition? Would I feel I messed up in some way if they say, "oh, just wanted to tell you that I am now just dating blank and no one else."

Would that mean whatever we shared was nothing or that it would be kept private and respected?

Things may progress as you meet people and that would be awesome! But as the relationship moves on what if you feel well just like friends/ not the same connection?

Will that make the person mad and where is your responsibility in that process? I know we are not responsible for other people's feelings. They are going to feel what they feel but I do believe that I have the responsibility to be honest.

I still can't sake the thoughts of younger years! If you do not sleep with them they will move on! Well I am an adult now. So move on down the road then...LOL But still will be your friend.

See I make things so hard but I do feel it is hard to express these things.

The whole darn thing confuses me after being away from this dating thing for awe lets see.....30 yrs! LOL That dates my age for sure!
Thoughtfull
Becca


singleagain53578 48F

3/29/2006 4:49 pm

I think dating sucks and it can be exciting at the same time too. I am not one of those people that can or will date a bunch of people at one time, but that is just me. It's the kind of person that I am. I guess if people just do not understand or like that, then I guess I am just better off without them in my life.

It's ok because one day, someone will really love me for who I am and who I want to be. I can count on one hand, the number of men I have slept with and I am not ashamed of that fact. I do not just jump in and out of bed with numerous men. I guess I just have to much respect for myself. One day, someone will really appreciate that in me. Until then, I will just silently wait. I guess that's what makes me special!!!

~SINgle~


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
3/30/2006 12:38 am

I am so with you on that one. I have never really been good a sharing. LOL You are so special Cuz be picky. Find out who they are and where they are going in life. Always come right out and ask what they are looking for. I have found that is the only way. If I guess I am always way off the mark. You maybe need some time like I do to develope the total new you. Group get togethers are safe and fun. I would stick to them for awhile. But don't stop getting out! All your friends would miss that great personality of yours!

A casual dinner with a male friend is always nice or a group of friends. Movies together can be fun also then go out afterward and discuss what you thought of it. You also don't want to be in love with the idea of falling in love. That is a big trap so many fall into. You vrec and I will have to get together soon again and go cause some trouble somewhere!
Luv Ya Cuz
Becca


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
3/30/2006 9:55 pm

Hawk you are right as usual. You cannot demand that a person love you no matter how much you love them. Some of my best friends are men and I enjoy their company very much. They are husbands of friends, guys I grew up with and so on.

Spending time with people is something I enjoy! That makes it sound so much easier. But when I was in the dating scence before serious relationships some of the guys thought so if you went out to dinner/whatever that you owed it to them to sleep with them that night. What is up with that kind of thinking. NO was not taken very well. So when you say, "Hey that sounds great but I don't want to have to pay for it with sex, having you call me 37 times a day and so on. With the friends I have now we just know and are so comfortable that they just drop in. If my house is messy because I have two or three new foster dogs so be it. Should have seen be trying to keep up with two abandoned mom's and their 13 puppies. Thanks to God summer came quick and then they could be in the fenced yard most of the time.

Then their is the kids. When do you let them meet your family. My friends just come and either bring their kids or not. Mostly not LOL because they are having some Adult time. oh it is sounding complicated again. I guess I need to just relax and do it when the time is right. I don't know why I am so terribly afraid. That is not my true nature in any other part of my life.

I am in my head so much instead of just living. Even when Married and having Intimacy I was so in my head a lot that I robbed myself of the pleasures of it. I know a lot of people who feel this way.
Thoughts like ....I have to take my clothes off, they will see my fat whatever, what if they want to do something I don't, want if I want them to do something and can't tell them to. Just way to freaky. I too have beem in just long term relationships and am not the sleeping around type. One of my friends loves the first time. Wow she must be really happy within herself although she has a very high sex drive so maybe that just takes over! LOL I don't know Hawk what are your thoughts on all this. I know relax!
Laughing
Becca


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
3/31/2006 12:59 pm

Hawk I think you have more confidence in me then I do! I can see somethings so clearly and others it is like I am stumbling around in a dark cave feeling along the walls just trying to find the light. Do you think I am stronger really. I feel some stronger but was not so sure it would stick. LOL I feel like my friends on here like you and some of the others are the light at the end of the tunnel. If I get to where you guys are at I will be ok. Dangerous place to be. What if you all left? Would I make it to that light. I have a few life friends I can be real with but they are not just a click away always. LOL Sent you a wink for good luck on surgery day! Winks are like hugs a nice thank you and sending you some warmth of spirit. Post about your surgery right after you feel able so we all know.

Do you know KRL? I mean like meet him and BBW in person? How many members have you meet in person? Where you disappointed or were they who they are on line?
Sorry inquiring minds want to know LOL
smiling Becca


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
3/31/2006 1:01 pm

Hawk I think you have more confidence in me then I do! I can see somethings so clearly and others it is like I am stumbling around in a dark cave feeling along the walls just trying to find the light. Do you think I am stronger really. I feel some stronger but was not so sure it would stick. LOL I feel like my friends on here like you and some of the others are the light at the end of the tunnel. If I get to where you guys are at I will be ok. Dangerous place to be. What if you all left? Would I make it to that light. I have a few life friends I can be real with but they are not just a click away always. LOL Sent you a wink for good luck on surgery day! Winks are like hugs a nice thank you and sending you some warmth of spirit. Post about your surgery right after you feel able so we all know.

Do you know KRL? I mean like met him and BBW in person? How many members have you met in person? Where you disappointed or were they who they are on line?
Sorry inquiring minds want to know LOL
smiling Becca

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Becca53913 58F
131 posts
3/31/2006 1:03 pm

Hawk just one more question. Who is your God? If to personal I will understand.
Thanks
Becca


vrec_dawn 41M

4/2/2006 5:47 am

Damn skippy folks. I can count the number of people I've chosen to sleep with on two fingers. He he he. (One if I implement a trinary system.)

The way I look at it is straight, simple, and to the point. To thine own self be true.

It sounds easy, but I've been spending way too much of my damn life living for other people. I grew up trying to make my mother happy, mostly I think because of the void and sadness left when my dad died. Then my first serious relationship I was just trying to make someone who had been in a bad marriage happy. Then my second serious relationship, my first marriage, I found myself just waaaaay more than was healthy putting my life on hold and intentionally not doing things that I wanted to to make time for her, to make her happy. Which might have worked if she'd appreciated that and taken advantage of the opportunities I'd been giving her. But no. So that relationship had to end too.

And now I'm to the point where, you know what? I'm going to find myself, do what I want to do, be who I want to be, and just simply put myself first. Which means if I'm dating someone and something just ain't right, I'm gonna tell 'em, and if they don't like it or won't change, then out they go. It might hurt, but it'll hurt me more if I don't. I've at least learned that much by now.

Of course, having still never been on a date yet, I'm all talk. He he he.


Becca53913 58F
131 posts
4/4/2006 10:01 am

Hawk I know you would be a $100 richer. I wanted to know where your head was at on the subject. It is a important one to me. I think you are a very wise one and am looking forward to meeting you and picking your brain. Might be 10 pots of coffee and 10 bottle of diet 7up/diet root beer. SINgle say that I will think you are an awesome inspiration.

Man made laws of religion are so bogus. Even Jesus told them that. Want observe all your laws or spend time with me? He told them Not a quote word for word. So I agree with you so far. I do not believe in worshiping the earth like some religions but worshiping the one who created the earth. Nothing this intricate in done by one big explosion of unplanned intelligence. Don't get how some believe that. All the diggings of science that tried to prove the Bible wrong have only proved it right and a lot converted to a spiritualness. All in its time!

I think I will enjoy everyone. Part of me is afraid. I live with that a lot. I do not know where the fear came from as I am bold at times. Must be from some recessive part of a past experience. Thought I explored all those places but apparently not! SINgle and I will have to get ahold of you and whoever wants to go for some brunch, a picnic or a blanket party in the awesome sunlight. Laying there just soaking up the rays and saying anything that comes to mind sounds good to me!
Thanks
Hawk


rm_sallyride 69F

4/12/2006 6:45 am

Becca, you can do or ask a person anything you want. The only thing that matters is what you feel comfortable with. Since this is not a regular dating site, I think men's attitudes are different, so it is important to be upfront with what you want, and what you expect from them. I am one who will meet a man right away if I am interested. No sense in exchanging copious emails and then meeting and saying eewwwwwwww! That doesn't mean I am going to sleep with the man by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I will know if we have chemistry. On the down side of that, some men think just because you do agree to meet them, you want to sleep with them. NOT! Then they get all huffy when you say no. I believe in being honest with people if you are seeing someone else, say so. It's not a competition. It's finding the person you are most comfortable with. If they move on to someone else, that's their choice. Doesn't mean there was anything wrong with you, or that you messed up. Just means it wasn't the right thing for them. Move on. Also, maybe there is more than one person you are attracted to. How will you find out who you like better if you don't go out with them? Doesn't mean you have to sleep with them, just means you want to know them better. Keep in mind that every person is at a different point in their lives. Some are looking for commitment, some are looking for variety, some are just looking to play around. I think this is a site where people have to be open minded about others, but be true to what you want personally. I try not to judge what others do, because it is not my place to do so. Just be yourself, relax, and don't worry.


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