Real sub vs RolePlay/Bedroom sub  

BeachMystress 50F
15 posts
8/7/2006 3:25 am
Real sub vs RolePlay/Bedroom sub

Original Post date - Sunday, February 06, 2005

I've been talking about something in the CollarMe Forums recently- Real sub vs bedroom/ roleplay sub. This is not a "value judgement".. to me it is a definition. A real sub is one who is submissive to his Domme in every day life. The female is the head of the household. The other type of sub, the "bedroom" or "role play" submissive is one who likes to submit in the bedroom or on a part time basis when they are in the mood for it. This type of sub usually wants to be in charge of the household in daily life.

Neither is a right or wrong expression of BDSM, but the bedroom/role play submissive who doesn't clearly identify himself as such, tends to give subs a bad name and often frustrates Domme who are seeking submissives for relationships or life partners. While I understand that it may be part of the fantasy of a role play sub to pretend he wants full submission, this is a lifestyle that is supposed to be based on trust. Everyone needs to be very honest about what they are seeking. It can be hard for men who have submissive fantasy and feel they are real submissives but have never had the chance to submit. Until they have a real time experience, they can not tell where on the scale they will fall. That first submissive encounter can be a real shock. The pain actually hurts and it isn't nearly as erotic as they thought it would be.. witness man-formerly-known-as-submissive run screaming into the night.

I had mostly encountered role play subs before my current honey and was left very frustrated. I don't role play being Domme.. I AM Domme. I got sick and tired of a man saying he'd do ANYTHING for me meaning that he'd do anything for me as long as he was horny or in the mood. Having a "real" submissive man is the difference between night and day. Things are finally working the way I think they should. *smiles* I would say that I'd look for my next sub the same way I found this one (through a high protocol FemDom group) but I am monogamous and hope that this is the sub who forever ends my search.

Currently reading :
Blood Rites (The Dresden Files Series Book 6)
By Jim Butcher
Release date: By 03 August, 2004

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