Considering BDSM  

BeachMystress 50F
15 posts
8/7/2006 3:44 am
Considering BDSM

Original Post date - Saturday, March 26, 2005



Things to consider about BDSM

* Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from .

* Context is what determines whether or not pain is experienced as pleasurable, though the context depends on the individual. An example of "good" pain may be getting scratched during sex, while an example of "bad" pain may be stubbing your toe.

* Not everyone who gives themselves a label fits the normally accepted definition of that label.

* Some individuals view BDSM as their sexual orientation, like heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Others view it as a chosen sexual practice. In either case it needs to be respected.

* Some people enjoy being both "Top" and "bottom" at different times. Respect the role they choose to offer you. Do not try to "Top" a switch who has indicated that they are also in "Top" phase. Respect others rights.

* Do not assume you have the right to order a "bottom" or "submissive" around.

* Not all who engage in BDSM wish to live it as a lifestyle. There should be no stigma attached to participating in BDSM part time.

* People who practice BDSM may be either monogamous or polyamorous.

* BDSM may or may not include sexual contact. For example, during a "scene" which centers around the use of floggers the partners may not have physical contact which goes beyond friendly hugging, yet, to each individual, the scene may be sexually arousing. This sexual energy may be used at the end of a "scene" either with that partner, another partner, or by the individual alone.

* People who are submissive with their partner in a BDSM "scene" may not be necessarily submissive in other aspects of their lives.

* BDSM can encompass physical and/or psychological interactions.

* Accidents can happen in BDSM, just as in any other physical activity, but this isn't abuse.

* Rings, collars, brands, piercings or tattoos can be symbols of commitment which are as sacred as marriage bands.

* Both "tops" and "bottoms" can have bruises or soreness from a play session (scene.)

* Both "tops" and "bottoms," regardless of their sex, can be abused.

* Some people are proud of their bruises marks/cuts just as they might be proud of a hickey on their neck. Don't assume it is a problem or a mistake.

* Partners who know each other very well may sometimes "negotiate" a scene without a "safeword" -- this is still not abuse but a matter of profound trust.

Domination is:

* Safe, Sane, & Consensual
* An exchange of power flowing from the bottom up
* Mutually gratifying to both dominant and submissive
* Liberating
* Nurturing
* Courteous
* Founded upon trust and mutual respect

Domination is Not:

* Abusive
* Demeaning
* Perverted
* Exploitative
* One-sided
* Something you learn in a day, a week, or even a year
* For Everyone
* Domineering
* Manipulative
* An excuse to be rude


Currently watching :
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Complete Seventh Season
Release date: By 16 November, 2004


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