The Baroness' BallRoom....  

BaronessK 53F
1646 posts
8/2/2006 6:11 am

Last Read:
2/12/2013 3:11 pm

The Baroness' BallRoom....

I said ballroom NOT ball room -- so, no, not a 'trophy' room, btw...because most males are not men and therefore are already ball-less! *I* do have 'balls', though, as shown in 'Blog' THISBITCH, but there I also promised the following:

The Baroness Broadcasting Bureau is proud to present an Encore Presentation of what is considered {by all 7 of us } to be the A F F Theme Song...along with all new inane insaneness...in the form of some little 'ditties' for y'all's delight...and to aggravate the bejeezus out of some certain male members of this site! So, without further ado...a one, an-na two, and a-way we goooo...!


A F F Theme Song "Wastin' Away in Cyberitaville" from Jimmy Buffett's Wastin' Away In Margaritaville

Nibblin' on coffee cake
watching the cams shake
All of those typists covered with oil
Typing in g strings
on their front porch swings
Watch the guys, they're beginning to boil

Wastin' away again in Cyberitaville
searching for my lost password to Alt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
but I know, it's nobody's fault

I don't know the reason
I stayed here all season
Nothing to show but this brand new taboo
But it's just so nasty
exhausting not classy
Who thought it up I haven't a clue

Wastin' away again in Cyberitaville
searching for my lost password to Alt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
Now I think, Hell, it could be my fault

I blew out my laptop
with that last sex prop
Cut it short, had to cruise on back home
But there's one for backups
so I still get pickups
with audio to broadcast the moan

Wastin' away again in Cyberitaville
searching for my lost password to Alt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's my own damned fault

Yes and some people claim that there's a woman to blame
And I know it's my own damned fault


For our next selection...y'all are gonna LUV this...we are proud to present, for the first time anywhere....

"Fun" for funintheday2006 from Beach Boy's Fun, Fun, Fun

Well he got his mama's comp
And he cruised through the blog land posts now
Seems he forgot all about the literary
Like he's not an old man now
And with the webcast blasting
Goes surfing just as fast as he can now

And he'll be fun, fun, fun
'til his mama takes the laptop away
(fun, fun, fun 'til his mama takes the laptop away)

Well the girls can't stand him
cause he talks looks and writes like an ass now
(you talk like an ass now you talk like an ass)
He makes the hot chat rooms looks like an old folks home now
(you look like an ass now you look like an ass)
A lotta gals try to teach him
But he leads them searching for Nemo now
(you write like an ass now you write like an ass)

And he'll be fun, fun, fun
'til his mama takes the laptop away
(fun, fun, fun til his mama takes the laptop away)

Well fun knew all along
That your 'groupies' got wise to you now
(you shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)
And since we took away your ISP
You've been thinking fun in the day is all through now
(you shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)

But you can come along with Huny
cause you gotta a lot of things to learn now
(you shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)

But you'll still be fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away
{fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away}
But you'll still be fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away
(fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away)
(fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away)
(fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away)
(fun, fun, fun now that mama took the laptop away)


So, ladies and gentlemen {and those actual members of this site } and kids of all ages...let's go straight to our next newest lunacy with....

"Can't Ever Get Laid in Southern California" for djeeper1987 from Albert Hammond's It Never Rains in Southern California

Get on board a eastbound 747
Don't think before deciding what to do
Ooh, that talk of opportunity
Sweet cheeks on my sweet baby
Rings true
Sure rings true

Seems I can't ever get laid in southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
Ya never get laid in California
But girls they don't warn ya
She's a whore, unless she's a whore.

Too much work, I'm out of my head
Who's got self respect, I want her in my bed
I'm underloved, I'm underfed, I wanna one all my own
Ya never get laid in California
But girls they don't warn ya
Hurts to the bone, right down to the bone.

[Instrumental Interlude]

Will you tell the folks back East I nearly made it
Had offers but didn't know which one was a true lover
Please don't tell 'em how you found me
Don't tell 'em how you found me
I only wanted her, I wanted her.

Seems I can't ever get laid in southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
Ya can't get laid in California
But girls they don't warn ya
I need more, so much more.


Okay, folks, that was such a great one, and the guy in question has been on such a down lately, that we're doing a double, just for him with....

"Jeepers Creepers" from Louis Armstrong's Jeepers Creepers

Jeepers, need her...where'd ya get them peepers
Jeepers, need her...where'd ya get them thighs
Gosh oh, I'm up...how'd ya get me so up
Gosh oh, gee oh...just let me liquidize.

Golly gee...when you turn my heaters on
Woe is me...got my meter running on
'
Jeepers, creepers....where'd ya get them peepers
Oh, falling deeper...how they hypnotize

(instrumental break)

Jeepers, creepers...where'd ya get that smile
Oh, those looks...got me out by a mile
Where did ya get that
Golly where'd ya get those
Girl, ya giving me nothing but sighs


That's right, the Baroness' Ballroom is proudly continuing to present all new inane insaneness, sending it to you over the ethernet waves by the Baroness' Broadcasting Bureau! Next up, for your listening {and reading} pleasure, we would like you to take a peek at....

"Born to Be WildOats" for WildOats19622 from Steppenwolf's Born to Be Wild

Got his motor runnin'
Headin' out of Iowa
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever cums his way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Kissing everything all at once
Exploding into space

He likes smoking pipes
big bands, rain and thunder
Racin' with the wind
And the feelin' that you're under
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
Exploding into space

Like a true nature's child
He was born, born to be WildOats
He can climb so high
He never wants to die

Born to be WildOats
Born to be WildOats


How about that one, folks! Now, we have to pause for a brief message from our sponsor, but we'll be right back after....

Hi! I'm expatbrit47...and on the net I play a pervert! In real life, though...I'm much, much...worse! Here's my little jingle to make you all tingle! The Pervert Song NerfHerder {off internet}!!

When you met me at the party you thought I was a nice guy
But you didn't have a clue at what was going on inside
I ordered you a drink and asked you for a dance
But all I really wanted was to smell your underpants
I'm a pervert, a pervert
Can't change the way I am
I'm a pervert, a pervert
Don't want to shake my hand
That night you asked me over to watch Hollywood Squares
You left me in your room, I left a stain on your teddy bear
Can you see it in my eyes, can you see it in my smile?
Can you see the way I imagine you doing doggy style
I'm a pervert, a pervert
I've got sweaty palms
I'm a pervert, a pervert
It just goes on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on, on and on
You called me on the phone, said you wanted to talk
But how could you have known what I was doing with my sock
Say you want to be my girlfriend but will you love me anymore
When you catch me with my polaroid outside the bathroom door
I'm a pervert, a pervert
Can't change the way I am
A pervert, a pervert
Don't want to shake my hand
I'm a pervert, a pervert
I've got sweaty palms
A pervert, a pervert
It just goes on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on, on and on....


Welcome back to the Baroness' Ballroom's 'Baroness has more balls than them!' night! And what a night, right folks?! Let's continue on with what's the newest next big hit {and is going to make this blogger just shi....

"Collared Pet" for timberwolf6972 from Mister Roger's Won't You Be My Neighbor

It’s a beautiful day in this forest den,
A beautiful day for a new pet!
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
It’s a neighborly day in this forest den,
A neighborly day for a collared pet!
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
I have always wanted to collar a pet, just like you!
I’ve always wanted to screw in a forest den with you!
So let’s make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we’re together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my collared pet?
Won’t you please, won’t you please,
Please won’t you be my new collared pet?


As the Baroness' BallRoom realizes just what the perilous position of that song may have with fickle fans, we'd like to present, yes, yet another one for the same person...to make sure his name lives on and on as well as his predilection for kink with....

"Kinky Boys and Collars Get Me Going" from the Carpenter's Rainy Days and Mondays Get Me Down

Talkin' to myself and feelin' bold
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
TimberWolf's home town
Kinky Boys and Collars get me going.

What he does they used to call illegal
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like a pierced dong
All tied down
By Some kind of horny clown
Kinky Boys and Collars get me going.

Funny but it seems I always wind up thinking of you
Nice to know somebody would collar me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who'd collar me.

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
TimberWolf's home town
Kinky Boys and Collars get me going.


Wasn't that just a 'wow!', folks?! Yes, indeed! Now we luv to present to all of y'all our most recent prized pimping poemette set to music for your ears with....

"Too much of a Sky King" for skyking412004 from Alan Jackson's Too Much Of A Good Thing

Smiles in the picture, as warm as sunshine
Kisses when I read my blog at night
And ten loving fingers that console me
I should be scared, it’s so right

Too much of a good thing, is a skyking
Feelings like this can't be wrong
Too much of a good thing, is a skyking
We've got a good thing blogging on

You look for my posts and see my thinking
You know when I'm happy, when I'm sad
Some would say, it’s too perfect
I don’t think what we have is so bad

Too much of a good thing, is a skyking
Feelings like this can't be wrong
Too much of a good thing, is a skyking
We got a good thing blogging on

We've got a good thing blogging on


Howzabout THAT one, our lovely listeners?! "Flyyyy me to the moooon!" Ah, and now we are so happy to be able to offer you a couple more of of our favorite new seriously sensuous songs with....

"Intierzha again" from James Blunt's Tears and Rain

How I wish I hadn't surrendered my soul,
Shed the clothes that became my skin,
See the truths that burn within my reading.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from old.
How I wish I hadn't read out loud.
Instead I've found too much meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from blogging.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for the rest.
It's more than just words: it's Intierzha again.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of his mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Blogging and Sex.
How I wish I could share my soul.
I'm so hard to hear..

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from blogging.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for the rest.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from blogging.
It's more than just words: it's Intierza again.


We're back, just long enough to wind up tonight's programming with a special recitation of something really, really special -- and so apropos....

Oral Fixation Group from "MaryK" {of the Internet} who called it "The Oral Sex Song"

Cunnilingus is an art
And so's fellatio
You've got to practice, do your part
Acquired skills, you know
Now if men were more like dogs
Oh how happy they would be
They could lick their private parts
And they wouldn't need me!

(Chorus)
Sixty-nine is fine -- there's nothing better
Turnabout is fair play -- it makes me wetter

When I'm going down on you
It's 'cause I want you to feel fine
So I think it's only fair
For you to do the same on mine
Now there's good head and there's bad
I'm proud of what I have done
Of all the head that I have had
Bad head is better than none!

(Chorus)
Sixty-nine is fine -- there's nothing better
Turnabout is fair play -- it makes me wetter


Baroness' BallRoom is now signing off as the sunrise streaks into Blogdom and Bitchdom alike. We sincerely hope that you truly enjoyed tonight's programming...or at least got a good laugh at one of the others' expense! {I really was laughing AT you, NOT WITH y'all! } Next up, with the sunset of my senses...serenades to sleep by...a serious post! Not! Maybe some more songs...or better yet...I have another idea...one of us thinks it's hilarious...but one of us is sleepy right now, so...bite my Baroness butt and let me alone for a bit!


rm_sexxikritter 53F
2715 posts
8/2/2006 7:25 am

HI Baroness...I'm here through Timberwolf's blog. Glad I came to check your blog out, looks like great stuff. I'm adding you to my watch list and will have to come back to catch up in reading.
This was a great post...you're darn talented! Peace, Kritter


funintheday2006 57M
9659 posts
8/2/2006 8:22 am


I'll be back........soon


wildoats19622 55M
3530 posts
8/2/2006 9:17 am

Thanks for the tribute {playful nip on the cheek}

Wild

Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.


goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
8/2/2006 1:05 pm

I AM looking for my lost password to ALT! LOL!
How did you know?
That was GREAT!


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 2:28 pm

Odd, it's showing I have 5 comments, but I see only 4...and it's not showing in my list that this post has any comments, only at end of post itself on outside list. Did I really break the Apache server?


timberwolf6972 45M

8/2/2006 2:37 pm

Lmao, you fuckin' silly assed crackhead! If I ever meet you your ass has had it! Want me to add your pic to the collection that I showed you last night? {=}


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 2:45 pm

Threatening me?! I won't work...ya know ya just being a TEASE! I WANT YOU!! Come back! I'll be your luv slave...well, at least one of me will be!


letstryit4fun38 50F

8/2/2006 2:51 pm

Being a pet is a good thing. You should try it sometime.I'm sure he will lend you my collar.timberwolf6972

WELCOME TO MY WICKED BUT WONDERFUL WORLD!


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 2:52 pm

Threatening me?! It won't work...ya know ya just being a TEASE! I WANT YOU!! Come back! I'll be your luv slave...well, at least one of me will be!


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 2:56 pm

    Quoting wildoats19622:
    Thanks for the tribute {playful nip on the cheek}

    Wild
Ahhhh...I wanted a proper snog!


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 3:12 pm

    Quoting spunky11961:
    Those were really good!
    ~enjoyed!~
    ~spunky
6 of us thank you, Spunky...but the other swears you're making fun of us! Baroness' Blog Bitchings and Drippings...ya gotta luv me...or at least be amused by me most times!


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 3:21 pm

    Quoting goodatpoetry2:
    I AM looking for my lost password to ALT! LOL!
    How did you know?
    That was GREAT!
Now, good...I thought you were being good! {You should find a way for me to read the ENTIRE original/longer version of YOUR latest...I don't have AD...hey, look at the pretty colors! Seriously, I would like to see the whole thing...and yes, for now, I'm talking about the POEM!

P.S. The Secret Word for today is...pussys! {Yes, I know someone with that exact password! }


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 3:26 pm

    Quoting timberwolf6972:
    Lmao, you fuckin' silly assed crackhead! If I ever meet you your ass has had it! Want me to add your pic to the collection that I showed you last night? {=}
I 'smoke' 'tubes' and there is white stuff in them, but...bite me, bitch! How's your major medical coverage, big boy?


BaronessK 53F

8/2/2006 3:30 pm

He said YOU would lend me your...collar! Don't know though, because like he said...I DID see the pictures! I do like your outfit, though.... {There isn't a KinksRUs around here, though! } Thanks for stopping in...surprised you had time, with TW around!


OldHippy1957 60M

8/2/2006 4:20 pm

Loved my night in your Ballroom! The songs are great... and I should know! I'm a musician and songwriter! I especially enjoyed the line... Bad head is better than none! Thanks... you brought a smile to my face!


brute472 75M
3480 posts
8/2/2006 10:36 pm

For our next selection...y'all are gonna LUV this...we are proud to present, for the first time anywhere....

Aw shucks I think this one was dedicated to me.


funintheday2006 57M
9659 posts
8/2/2006 10:48 pm

I aint finished with you either ya tossing bitch.
Abba had one called dancing Queen
I rejigged it for ya

You can blog, you can post, having the time of your life
Shut your mouth, keep it closed, Baz you’re the biggest bitch

Blogville quiet all bloggers asleep
You stalk the blogs. A bitch on heat
Spreading ven om a round, spitting at Fun God
You know he is the king
Nobody could be that good
Hes so young and your so old
With a bit of make up on, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a shag
And when you get the chance...

You are the blogging bitch, old and sour, only seventy one
Blogging bitch, feel the heat from Fun Gods song
You can whinge, you can whine, having the time of your life
See that yank, watch that tart, she is the blogging bitch

You’re a whiner, cant turn ’em on
Leave them sleeping and then you bitch
Looking out for a victim, anyone will do
You’re in the mood for a bitch
And you are bloglands witch...

You are the blogging bitch, old and sour, only seventy one
Blogging bitch, feel the heat from Fun Gods song
You can whinge, you can whine, having the time of your life
See that yank, watch that tart, she is the blogging bitch


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 1:25 am

    Quoting Wordsmith2004:
    and to aggravate the bejeezus out of some certain male members of this site!

    in a Lurch voice

    You Rrraaaaaaannng??

    Youknow, if you wanted to git MY "attention" that badly you could've just flashed your tits at me....ASSuming of course that IS what you wanted




Now, Mister Smith {again, if that is your REAL name! }...I am a Baroness of the Royal House of Hanover...and cannot be 'flashing my tits', thank you! {Although, if you scroll back through my other pics...one of my personalities has done just that from time to time! }


funintheday2006 57M
9659 posts
8/3/2006 1:26 am

    Quoting BaronessK:
    Odd, it's showing I have 5 comments, but I see only 4...and it's not showing in my list that this post has any comments, only at end of post itself on outside list. Did I really break the Apache server?
We can see only one of you but know there are 7 fuckers there. Whats your point?


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 1:28 am

    Quoting OldHippy1957:
    Loved my night in your Ballroom! The songs are great... and I should know! I'm a musician and songwriter! I especially enjoyed the line... Bad head is better than none! Thanks... you brought a smile to my face!
Thank you, OH...but I haven't done your's yet! As for that particular part that you mentioned, well, thanks but......that one wasn't mine or 'recreated' by me, bummer, dude! I do have more coming up, but finding just the right songs...well, as you said you know...it's not totally easy!


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 1:33 am

    Quoting brute472:
    For our next selection...y'all are gonna LUV this...we are proud to present, for the first time anywhere....

    Aw shucks I think this one was dedicated to me.
Now, hun, you should know by now I would never be mean to YOU...that's reserved for the Brit Git! I haven't done your's yet is all. I am working on it...but like I said to OH...it takes a bit {not to write/mess them up} to find the right song. It should be coming up next, sweetie!


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 1:39 am

    Quoting funintheday2006:
    I aint finished with you either ya tossing bitch.
    Abba had one called dancing Queen
    I rejigged it for ya

    You can blog, you can post, having the time of your life
    Shut your mouth, keep it closed, Baz you’re the biggest bitch

    Blogville quiet all bloggers asleep
    You stalk the blogs. A bitch on heat
    Spreading ven om a round, spitting at Fun God
    You know he is the king
    Nobody could be that good
    Hes so young and your so old
    With a bit of make up on, everything is fine
    You’re in the mood for a shag
    And when you get the chance...

    You are the blogging bitch, old and sour, only seventy one
    Blogging bitch, feel the heat from Fun Gods song
    You can whinge, you can whine, having the time of your life
    See that yank, watch that tart, she is the blogging bitch

    You’re a whiner, cant turn ’em on
    Leave them sleeping and then you bitch
    Looking out for a victim, anyone will do
    You’re in the mood for a bitch
    And you are bloglands witch...

    You are the blogging bitch, old and sour, only seventy one
    Blogging bitch, feel the heat from Fun Gods song
    You can whinge, you can whine, having the time of your life
    See that yank, watch that tart, she is the blogging bitch

I'll have your guts for garters when you're sent to the Dungeon! {And what a dungeon...whips and chains and paddles, oh, my! )


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 1:46 am

    Quoting funintheday2006:
    We can see only one of you but know there are 7 fuckers there. Whats your point?
*Pointing at U*

Fuck you good.
Fuck you bad.
Fuck you happy.
Fuck you mad.
Fuck you now.
Fuck you then.
Fuck you, fun...

Fuck you, AGAIN!


goboi_go 56M

8/3/2006 8:54 am

Lmfao, you are too much.


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 11:43 am

    Quoting goboi_go:
    Lmfao, you are too much.
Goboi...but, you see...fuuuunnnn started it! *sniff* See, look at the bottom of page 1! *sniff* He just...RUINT ABBA, yes he did, uh huh, doncha SEE?! *see* He made fun of me, fun did, and that's not nice, nu uh, cuz he likes being mean to me, yes, he does! *sniff* He says I have at least 7 personalities, and that's not nice, nu uh, cuz I'm an overachiever, and if he's messing my mind up then there must be more than just 7! *sniff* And all I said was the Apache server was messing up and then *sniff*...'n then...he was MEAN to me some MORE, he was, 'n...then all I said was a couple of words...honest! All I said was:

*Pointing at U*

Fuck you good.
Fuck you bad.
Fuck you happy.
Fuck you mad.
Fuck you now.
Fuck you then.
Fuck you, fun...

Fuck you, AGAIN!


goboi_go 56M

8/3/2006 12:13 pm

oh bullshit, you love it, don't put it on poor ol funnnn.
but, I was talking about "Never get laid in SoCal" to Jeeper. That was hilarious.

If you got 7 personalities at least you can say you have only one handle an' we don't have to go chasing you all over the place here to catch each one. btw, how do you know its an Apache server - by its underperformance?


keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
8/3/2006 2:03 pm

Sacrilege! How dare you parody beloved songs with such sarcastic glee?

Beloved songs should be parodied sarcasticly without emotion.

Like these:

Classic Comments 3
Songs From The Land Of Blogz


Blog On!


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 5:43 pm

    Quoting goboi_go:
    oh bullshit, you love it, don't put it on poor ol funnnn.
    but, I was talking about "Never get laid in SoCal" to Jeeper. That was hilarious.

    If you got 7 personalities at least you can say you have only one handle an' we don't have to go chasing you all over the place here to catch each one. btw, how do you know its an Apache server - by its underperformance?
Goboi, go look at my PROOF -- My Insanity Plea funintheday2006 ruined my sex life!

Yeah, jeepers was an inspiration! As far as 'catching' me...all you have to do is whistle...you do know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your lips together and....

I knew by the fact that when I went to click on Mo's blog...it took me to an empty blog with MY picture...and, oh, the fact that the message when I refreshed the page said, "The Apache Server is temporarily...."


BaronessK 53F

8/3/2006 6:00 pm

*The Baroness courtseys to the Prince of Insanityland*


BaronessK 53F

8/10/2006 3:52 pm

    Quoting rm_sexxikritter:
    HI Baroness...I'm here through Timberwolf's blog. Glad I came to check your blog out, looks like great stuff. I'm adding you to my watch list and will have to come back to catch up in reading.
    This was a great post...you're darn talented! Peace, Kritter
I am so sorry...I have no idea how I didn't see this when it posted! I always respond to every comment, because y'all took the time to come in and join me in insanityland! How's it feel to be around TW, cuz...I'm not positive...but I think the man's 'whacked'! Thanks for coming in, and take me in small doses, preferably when not sober...I hear that helps!


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