The Golden Age of Leather  

BabyfaceLouie 56M
98 posts
7/12/2006 9:40 am

Last Read:
8/8/2006 9:16 am

The Golden Age of Leather

We made a vow
To give it all we had to give
We made a vow
To die as we had lived

Recently I made a decision. A simple decision on the face of things, but one with potentially awesome consequences.

I was going to be myself.

Oooohhhhh!!!! That was easy!

Yeah, right.

All my life I had been someone else. A lover. A husband. A father. A son. These roles had taken over my life and I ended up losing touch with the 'real' me.

But not any more. Of course, these roles will still exist, but the way that I perceive the quintessential ME has changed. I'd always put my needs secondary to others, seeking approval and validation.

But not anymore.

Decisions are funny things, and require ongoing commitment. It reminds me of two decisions I've previously made. The first was when I was 24, and I was staring down the barrel of a gun. Literally. My universe had just collapsed around me and I was standing in a friends bathroom when I had 'a moment of clarity'. I realised that I was more affraid of life than I was of death. I made the decision to live, no matter how crap my life became; but it was a physical decision rather than a life statement.

I've always suffered from mood swings. So the second, related, decision occured when I was 40. I had become desperate due to my moods and again decided to live.

But since then I have realised that my cyclothymia has been related to my inability to be myself. This is my major inner demon.

So, I'm now on a journey of self-discovery. Sounds grand. But I've never really acknowledged myself before.

Odyseus, eat your heart out!!!!!!!!

rm_turtleBurp 45F
1273 posts
7/30/2006 1:09 pm

Self discovery is cool... just hold it real tight once you find it.

Become a member to create a blog