There's Just Something Odd About Her  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
8/29/2006 11:21 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2007 10:59 pm

There's Just Something Odd About Her

Remember awhile back when I wrote Be My 3000th CommenterAnd I'll Be Your Little Bitch? Well, I meant it at the time. Predictably, a 3000th commenter was found, contacted and that person said they would get back to me with pictures and ideas shortly of a post they would want me to do as prescribed by the rules of the contest. That was several weeks ago. Then stuff happened. Weird stuff. As my 3000th commenter seems sparse around Blogland nowadays, one can only assume that person had taken a rocket ship to another planet. Speaking of another planet, [blog AnOddGirl] has been chosen as my alternate 3000th commenter by some sort of…um…probably fair means. Yes, take a nice long steamy gawk at this chick here AnOddGirl. I’m as thrilled as she is because this couldn’t be a better meeting of the warped minds. She enjoys outer space and with all the glue I’ve been huffing lately, I’m spending plenty of time in outer space myself. Naturally she wanted some kind of space…alien dating…then went sour…or something…themed post and pictured to your left is the photo of her choosing…or so I hope. Apparently she’s batting down the hatches out there. This post is dedicated to her and all you other space geeks out there. Live long and prosper, Oddgirl. Stay safe. Our story begins…

“Yo, Gorax, check this shit out, dude! It says…slim, petite, single white Earth female is seeking alien male for mind-blowing, zero-g, interstellar sex. I have three orifices for your three appendages. If you have a big bald alien head and a prehensile tail you have my undivided attention. Tired of Earth guys and want something a little more. Here is my pic: AnOddGirl Send me one of you and lets see what happens.”

“Holy shit, Krankor! She is smoking hot! I’d sooo coagulate with her! I’m totally getting a triple boner just looking at her!”

“What’s with you and these Earth broads anyway? I find them too pasty and annoying. They’re always wanting to cuddle after symbiosis and they’re never in the mood to flog the proboscis.”

“Well, I’ll have her doing more than flogging my proboscis in no time. You just don’t know Earth girls, chum. I bet you didn’t realize that they are most likely to get it on with you if you have a criminal record, a mullet, and a ‘79 Camaro? Man, those guys sure do pay a lot of child support! Where are her coordinates?”

“Um…some place called nuorleens. Say, is that where they had some huge disaster but nobody came to their rescue because their president doesn’t like poor people?”

“I don’t know, what am I an encyclopedia? Just set coordinates to nuorleens and set thrusters to full speed ahead! I’ve got a date with that naked broad! In the mean time, I’ll send her a picture of me mowing the lawn with my shirt off. That ought to get her panties in a bunch.”

Seven months later.

“That picture of Gorax mowing the lawn with his shirt off sure got my panties in a bunch. He had a nice big bald head and his skin was a healthy shade of green…not like some of the grey skinned aliens I’ve dated before. I knew we were just going to hit it off. We had a long wait while his saucer was getting here but in the meantime we emailed and chatted. He seemed to really know about us earth girls. I couldn’t wait for him to get here.”

“Her whole town was a dump when I got there. Everything was broken and there was piles of debris everywhere like some war happened. It was probably their president. I heard he’d wage war on anybody. Anyway, that’s not what mattered. What mattered was I bought this ‘79 Camaro from some unemployed dude in a trailer park. I had a case of Coors Lite in the back seat and I was picking her up at her place. Gorax was about to get some mouth on proboscis action!”

“ He pulled up in this crappy old Camaro with Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir blaring from his tape deck. He didn’t even have a CD or MP3 player in his car, but he was pretty cute and I waited a long time for him so I figured I’d let it go. It seems like its been light years since I had any extra-terrestrial action, so…what the hell.”

“Man, she was something else! I can tell she was totally digging my sweet-ass car. We ended up seeing each other on and off after that for several months. Over time, we had a lot of crazy sex all over the place: In the back seat of my car, in an ally behind a very expensive hotel, and one time in my saucer while my homie, Krankor watched. But she doesn’t know he was behind the invisishield the whole time. That was awesome! I’m the best!”

“He started getting weirder and weirder after awhile. What’s with guys anyway? You give them a little mouth on proboscis action and all of a sudden they want to handcuff you naked to a dumpster and take pictures to show all their weird friends. It was great cruising the solar system and all, but once we got past Uranus, it was my anus, his anus, Krankor’s anus, everybody’s goddamned anus! And I know…I know, I’ve heard all the stereotypes before…extra-terrestrials are all about anal probing…but this guy takes probing to a whole new level. What’s with these aliens anyway? Are they all a bunch of ass freaks or what?”

“We had a lot of important work to do involving probing human anuses as dictated by our prime directive. I figured I’d take her along as my assistant. ASSistant. ha ha ha. Oh God, I can’t believe how funny I am! HAH! HAH! Anyway, you know, we’ve been probing humans for about a millennia now and even though we take down a bunch of data and write it all on our clipboards, the only thing I’ve ever learned is that one in ten don’t seem to mind. Oh well, who am I to question the prime directive?”

“Gorax was alright at first but he’s kind of weirding me out. He’s way too possessive; he calls me at like all hours and sometimes in the middle of the night when I’m sleeping. I mean, I know he’s usually like 60,000 time zones away so I can understand if he doesn’t know what time it is, but does he have to call me when he’s drunk and crying? Shit! I don’t want to hear how I’m just like his ex, and cripes, he’s always asking if I have some other alien over. Hell no I don’t!, but if he keeps this shit up, I’ll surely consider it.”

“Krankor! Dude, wake up you bitch! (hiccup) You’re my best buddy…I love you man! (hiccup…burp!) let’s start a fucking rock band, man! Right now!”
“Leave me alone you drunk fucker!”
“Dude, sit up man, I got some heavy shit to lay on you. (brruuuuuppp) you know that Earth broad I’ve been seeing?”
“Oh, God, her again! Why don’t you shut up about her for once?! You didn’t call her, did you?”
“Not yet, but I’ve been (hiccup) thinking. Not that I mind, but…um…did you ever notice that she dates nothing but extra-terrestrials…like (brrrrpppp) exclusively? Do you think that’s a little weird?”
“Is that like that one white chick we met that worked at Church’s Fried Chicken and Biscuits?”
“No, that’s a little different, but you got the right idea.”
“So, who cares, she’s dated a few extra-terrestrials before you. You should be happy.”
“Yeah, but…you know…(hiccup-brrrrppp) I don’t want to think about every Spock, Gort, and Chewbacca who had to boldly go where no human has gone before.”
“You’re a fucking dork, man! Just go to sleep and leave me alone, we have a long day of anal probing tomorrow, dawg.”
“Fuck this shit! (hiccup) I’m calling her right now!”

“I’m pretty much over Gorax now and sort of started dating again. I’m gonna miss him though. I still look fondly on that picture of him mowing the lawn with his shirt off. He had a nice big bald head in that picture and nice green skin. Little did I know he would turn out to be an interstellar asshole. Not really what I’m looking for. I’m pretty excited, though. I’ve got a date coming up with a nice tall Wookie from Kashyyyk. He growls and grunts like an idiot, but what can you do? Talk about hung! Phew! Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I am sooo over Gorax. Him and his crappy Camaro. And what was with that stupid mullet wig, anyway?”

catseyes23 62F

8/30/2006 12:31 am

Great story written for a lovely lady, Atomic.
I'm sure that AnOddGirl is pleased with the result!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:13 pm:
thank you dear. I think oddgirl was happy with it as I used everything she prescribed plus some whole new twists.

BaronessK 53F

8/30/2006 2:21 am

You are soooo SICK! I'm soooo turned on by you right now! a

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:15 pm:
turned on, eh? well slide on a little closer. let me have a swig of that drink. cooties be damned.

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
8/30/2006 2:26 am

Much better! I prefer your stories about people I can relate to, not that fantasy shit like last time. Thanks for a great start to my day! {=}

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:17 pm:
so, you can relate to people who get taken out to space and gets probed in the ass by aliens but you call a post that is about a couple that is shockingly just like my parents a fantasy? ok then.

Nina_Dee 62F

8/30/2006 4:34 am

You're mad, Atomic - I just knew it but I stil luv ya babe, all that alien shit and all. *sigh* Guess I'll have to wait to see if I hit the jackpot next time and have you as my little bitch!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:19 pm:
well, with all the attention and controvercy going on around here we just might get to 4000 sooner rather than later. maybe you'll win. I would dig that.

multitasksextoy 60M  
3511 posts
8/30/2006 5:59 am

Congrats to OddGirl and keep up the warped thing,it seems to fit my mood lately!!!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:20 pm:
right on. glad I can fit your warped mood.

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
8/30/2006 8:33 am


The story was funny as hell
as usual you create believeable in the unbelieveable.

Congratulations [blog AnOddGirl]


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:24 pm:
thank you dear. I've had a great run of monumental commenters here. I've been so happy with all of them.

skyking412004 54M
5363 posts
8/30/2006 1:12 pm

_____THis was the first time I've laughed in a couple of days. Thanks.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:25 pm:
you're welcome, buddy. glad to oblige. you know i'm always good for it.

velvetgrrrl 40F

8/30/2006 2:47 pm

you know you exceed at science fiction my friend. is there somethign you arent' telling...Don't tell me you got yourself an edgar skin?

there's just something a little funny about all those blocked designs in your home......

*exaggerated wink wnk nudge nudge*

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:28 pm:
I'm just a dork disguised as a hot rodder...who doesn't own a hot rod...nor a car...which pretty much takes it back to dork.

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
8/30/2006 3:28 pm

So this is your vision of the Final Frontier, eh?

Are you sure you're not getting your information from any ol Spock, Gort, and Chewbacca that transports by?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:29 pm:
they do tell me a lot of things but we're usually drunk at the time so the info may be a little off.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
8/30/2006 5:07 pm

Ah, man... That Gorax, turns out his buddy Krankor did call... Hmmm, naw, they were both assholes, though Krankor did have a wicked Elvis do.
Still waiting for the dayum Wookie, seems he got pulled over outside of Andromeda for blowing out waste over some important Plagent's moon. Serving 10 krots (days??) and gotta clean up the mess. Told him he better not smell like shit when he gets here.


Ah such is the life of an AlienLoveGoddess.
Just saw where they found a new crop circle in the UK, seems Gorax is still buzzing the planet - so girls, guys, cows, beware!!!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:33 pm:
ok, lets be logical here...what are the chances that a wookie will arrive and NOT smell like shit? Come on, they're like 8ft apes. How can that not smell?

Glad you liked it, was a pleasure to write for you. congrats, you deserve it.

WaterBabyRocks 59M

8/30/2006 6:56 pm

You write so well and get better with every post, man. Thanks for the humour and the laughs.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:35 pm:
thank you, my man. I'm happy to do it.

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
8/31/2006 3:25 am

AtomicArtist replies on 8/30/2006 9:17 pm:
so, you can relate to people who get taken out to space and gets probed in the ass by aliens but you call a post that is about a couple that is shockingly just like my parents a fantasy? ok then.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/31/2006 8:43 pm:

caressmewell 54F

8/31/2006 6:22 am

This was a fun post and sounds so much like OddGirl.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/31/2006 8:46 pm:
so much like odd indeed.

rm_arvada2007 48F
13 posts
8/31/2006 9:14 am

I just love miss oddity...she's an old favorite of mine, I'm so happy to see her 'honored' in this way...if you can call it that!

EWWWW, hairy Wookie dick...that's not a pretty picture...blech!

Luv ya! L

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/31/2006 8:47 pm:
do you think Wookies go bald? What would they look like?

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
8/31/2006 3:47 pm

    Quoting rm_arvada2007:
    I just love miss oddity...she's an old favorite of mine, I'm so happy to see her 'honored' in this way...if you can call it that!

    EWWWW, hairy Wookie dick...that's not a pretty picture...blech!

    Luv ya! L
Ummm, they shave just like humans..


So Vada, all this love and no comments on MY blog?!?!??!!! Not sure how you meant that old part...

AA, I linked ya baby! ....[image] An Alien Sex Fiend Sexy Aliens or Alien Sex

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/31/2006 8:51 pm:
I saw the link. very cool, odd. glad you had fun with it. btw arvada was a blogger from the good old days. She's incognito now but she's still an awesome chick.


9/9/2006 3:53 am

mouth on proboscis

The word proboscis is underused, underrated and under celebrated. I applaud your usage of it here.

Personally I've been attempting to repopularize the terms malarkey and cockamamie but without too much luck.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 9/10/2006 5:31 pm:
thanks on the compliments on proboscis though I think only us science geeks may know what it means. Clint Eastwood still uses malarkey and cockamamie a lot but then again...he's old.

Become a member to create a blog