Ten Ways To Annoy Your Flight Attendant  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
7/13/2006 8:28 pm

Last Read:
1/12/2011 1:19 pm

Ten Ways To Annoy Your Flight Attendant

Alright you dirty pervs. I’m back from my adventures in Portugal and I have a lot of stories to tell. It looks as if Puking Elvis kept things in (relatively) good condition for me. The fridge is empty and I have to steam clean the couch and most of the carpet. I guess that’s what I get for associating with characters named Puking Elvis. He didn’t exactly score me “the most amount of comments in one post he’s ever had” but I can still feel the love from those few who commented none the less, so thank you all.

Its going to take me a few days (or more) to catch up on all your posts that I missed and to answer the comments Puking Elvis generated for me, but I’ll get to you all eventually. As for the aforementioned stories about Portugal they are forthcoming. As I am still dizzy, tired, ripped, loaded, disoriented and jet lagged, I will leave you with ten ways to annoy your flight attendant for those who kept me on their watched lists. Enjoy this for now and I’ll be back to my old self soon.

1. Just like William Shatner in that Twilight Zone episode, insist loudly that there is a gremlin tearing up the outside of the plane that only you can see. “Something is out on the wing!…some…thing!”

2. Ask her if the curtains match the drapes if you know what I mean.

3. Have your cock hanging out of your pants during crotch check.

4. Order up a shitload of rum and cokes, then don and inflate your life jacket during the movie.

5. Ask if you can get up to reach into the overhead bin to retrieve your turban, box cutter, and Abe Lincoln beard.

6. Order the special meal.

7. After vomiting into your air sickness bag, inflate it, then pop it loudly as you hand it to her for disposal.

8. Ask her to join you for some hot, mile-high action in the rear lavatory.

9. As you’re sitting in your cushy, first class seat, sipping your fifth martini, loudly declare that you’re glad you don’t have to look at all the other scumbags in coach.

10. When you finally land and the Air Marshalls escort you off the plane in handcuffs for acting like a jackass the entire flight, yell out “you can’t do this to me! I’m an American, you foreign swine!”

cuteNEway 42F

7/13/2006 9:48 pm

OOH OOH you forgot...

11- Scan her with a handheld metal detector every time she passes by and ask her to take off her shoes when it beeps.

12- Make a fuss when you get pretzels instead of peanuts.

13- Keep asking her if she hears that ticking sound in a paranoid tone.

tee hee

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/15/2006 9:20 am:
good ones, cute! I didn't think of those. Flight attendants are never subject to those annoying searches because they're just better people than we are.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
7/14/2006 5:18 am

Out the airlock with ya.... LOL

Did ya have real fun???

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/15/2006 9:22 am:
would have been fun to have been thrown out the airlock. and yes, i had a good time. I'll post about it soon (hopefully). I just got to get off my lazy ass and write some stuff down and its been taking soooo long to catch up on all that I've missed.

catseyes23 62F

7/14/2006 9:54 am

Welcome back!
I've missed you from here to Kingdom's come - Especially like that one about the Twilight one #1. My favourite of all!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/15/2006 9:25 am:
you know...I've really missed you, too. Was sad to see your blog is still gone, but I'm sure your reasons are good ones and I hope to see you back soon. Yes, I liked the Twilight Zone one as well. Its an ongoing joke with me. I really do think about that everytime I get on a plane.

catseyes23 62F

7/14/2006 9:56 am

*I meant the Twilight zone!*

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/15/2006 9:26 am:
I know what ya meant.

LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
7/15/2006 4:37 pm

I would think that going in full character as puking Elvis would be an effective way to annoy your flight attendant...

WB and I'm looking for your tales of adventure...or your adventures in tail...whatever the case may be...

AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
7/15/2006 11:46 pm

ew....puking elvis on a plane. I shudder to think it.

Nina_Dee 62F

7/16/2006 5:21 am

Cats recommended you. I actually met her in Japan a few weeks back on business - interesting blog you have.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/16/2006 9:23 am:
well, thanks for discovering me and I thank cat for referring me to you. Interesting...um...smiley you have.

skyking412004 54M
5363 posts
7/16/2006 1:51 pm

_____See...Shatner was good for more than just Kirk.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/16/2006 10:55 pm:
Spock...do...something...for...the love...of...GOD!

QueenofBitches69 47F

7/17/2006 10:28 pm

Right now at this moment I am glad I made my career choice to take care of old men shitting their pants!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/18/2006 6:38 pm:
I could have it arranged for you to take care of me in my shitty pants. Am I old enough for ya?

QueenofBitches69 47F

7/18/2006 11:42 pm

AtomicArtist replies on 7/18/2006 8:38 pm:
I could have it arranged for you to take care of me in my shitty pants. Am I old enough for ya?

God you just made me WET!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/20/2006 6:44 pm:

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
7/20/2006 5:01 pm

There are two other Twilight Zone episodes you can draw on too...

Look out the window and start screaming about the dinosaurs.

Look at your seat number and freak out, telling them so all others can hear, that was the number on the door of the morgue in your dream.

Or, you could just do what I watched someone do once. He rang for the stewardess 12 times before we were even off the ground. Yes, she was stunning looking, but she was also getting very annoyed that he was ringing her for no reason, other to be able to look at her. The 11th and 12th times he rang for her, she sent the steward to deal with him. The asshole stopped leaning on the buzzer after that.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/20/2006 6:48 pm:
so he rang her 12 times before getting off the ground? Not smart. he should have waited until after take off. That way he'd have no choice but to keep looking at her for several hours. if he does it before take off he could risk getting thrown off, then he wouldn't have that hottie to look at. should I ask how did the steward take care of him?

velvetgrrrl 40F

8/9/2006 2:50 pm

And I thought I was the only one who donned my lifejacket after too many visits with the captain. But its only cause I wanted to go swimming and I know I'm a lousy swimmer. On land, in the air or water

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/11/2006 8:39 pm:
heh! and how often do you visit the captain on a plane?

Become a member to create a blog