SHUT YER GODDAMNED MOUTH YER IN A LIBRARY FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!!!  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
2/6/2006 9:59 pm

Last Read:
12/11/2009 2:23 am

SHUT YER GODDAMNED MOUTH YER IN A LIBRARY FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!!!

Shhhhh...everybody be quiet.

Do you see that good looker to your left, there? Her name is Miss Lillian the Librarian. She's the head librarian at Blogland High School and has been a stern disciplinarian for decades. She's nearly ready for retirement and she has never had sex with a man. Its been rumored that she keeps a flask of bourbon in her desk drawer. She has a temper and doesn't tolerate bullshit from insolent little shits like you.

You have just stepped into the Blogland High School Library. This particular blog post is Miss Lillian's sanctuary. Whether you say something or not, she knows you're here. Even if you just whisper, she'll hear you.

Here's the game. No matter what your age on the outside, in here you are in high school and will probably be treated as such. If you comment, it means you are talking in the library. When you do, Miss Lillian is liable to yell at you at the top of her voice to shut your goddamned pieholes...thereby disturbing the quiet library atmosphere and making this all seem funny and ironic. She has no qualms about loudly embarrassing you in front of all your stupid little friends while you read your Teen Beat magazines. If she catches you whispering to your friends, she'll yell. If she sees you quietly rolling a fattie behind the microfiche machine, she'll use her kung-fu grip to send you to the fucking principal's office by your ear. If she catches you masturbating to an old issue of Hustler at one of the study cubicles...well, you can just forget about ever graduating from Blogland High.

Don't laugh, goddamnit...she'll hear you!
Here's the kicker...while Miss Lillian does indeed have a short fuse, she doesn't yell at everybody. She's glad to help you if you are looking for information, or a book, or if you ask about the library. She enjoys intelligent questions, but be warned...her idea of an intelligent question may differ from yours. Also, while she is very smart, she doesn't know everything...and if she can't research your question, she may take out her frustration on you and go off. Its really very touch and go with Miss Lillian what with the fact that she has probably downed half her flask of bourbon by now and she already hates you and your young punk-ass ways, your clothes, your music, your friends, and your slutty make-up.

If you pass through here quietly without comment, you will come out unscathed. If you comment or ask her a question, she will respond to you. The comments you see will be her voice, not mine. She will join the prestigious ranks of my brother, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and Robert P. Kimball III as guest writers or commenters. If she responds all in caps, it means she is yelling and embarrassing you in front of all your stupid friends. if you don't see caps it means you've somehow come out of the situation with your dignity still intact. I you write in caps it means you're yelling, you disrespectful little prick and that’s a good way to get a swift kick in the ass from Miss Lillian's women's size 7 1/2 sensible dress pumps.

So, are we all going to be able to study in peace or are you going to make a mockery of this quiet sanctuary and turn it into a goddamned circus? The choice is yours entirely.


havenbliss 44F

2/6/2006 10:36 pm

Miss Lillian do you know who said

I have sought for happiness everywhere
but I have found it nowhere
except in a little corner
with a little book

If you know I will be your lackey for a weekend....


DIVISION77 41M
8337 posts
2/7/2006 11:09 am

Will Miss Lillian get sloppy wet if I write her a thesis on Camus and Sartre?

.....or will she still hate me and my young punk-ass ways?


There must be a way to get her wet and reckless...

Mimes?

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


saddletrampsk 55F

2/7/2006 12:17 pm

"Miss Lillian, here are the books on "Virginity" I am returning.."

*smile sweetly at Miss Lillian*

Then meets AtomicArtist behind the shelves at the back of the library and gives him a handjob..hehehe


havenbliss 44F

2/7/2006 2:20 pm

I don't know BigGirlzRSweet I kind of like her blue hair color. The glasses in themselves are a real turn on and just imagine what that old lady mouth can do. After all I am sure she is a little one the rusty side but hell who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?


TTigerAtty 63M

2/7/2006 3:38 pm

Pssst! Pssst! *Whispers* BigGirlzRSweet - We're all gettin' together out on Cole Creek Road for a keg party at 8 pm tonight! Are you in, babe? Would you bring havenbliss along with you? I'd ask her myself, but I'm a little shy and her boobs are hangin' right out there so nice today!


ediesedgewick 59F

2/7/2006 3:59 pm

Oh good! I get to dress up in my short plaid skirt and thigh highs for this one!

Miss Lillian...Do neutrinos have mass? And where do ultra-energy particles come from? And finally, I keep dating assholes, er, uh, jerks. What is the one question I can ask them before we go out that will tell me whether or not they are truly dicks?


MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
2/7/2006 5:37 pm

Excuse me, Miss Lillian. I'm having trouble finding these books. Delta of Venus by Anias Nin, Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller, Fanny Hill by John Cleland and Lady Chatterly's Lover by D.H. Lawrence. The card catalog says they should be on the shelves, but all I'm finding are dusty, blank areas. Can you help?


rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
2/7/2006 5:42 pm

Fuck! Miss Lillian will catch me if I do anything... What am I to do?


craptoast 40M

2/7/2006 6:36 pm

I thought the library was for making out...


jakblack36 49M

2/7/2006 7:49 pm

COCKPISSSHITMOTHERFUCKERAPPLEINCESTFUCKTARDJACKOFFDUMASSBUSHSHITTHWARP I'm sorr..sorr..turets.FUCKTARDPUSSYHOLECUMDRIPCHINFUCKBALLBUSTRAPISTTRAMPOLINECUNT


caressmewell 55F

2/7/2006 8:40 pm

Miss Lillian there is a thick white substance on the card catalog.


havenbliss 44F

2/7/2006 10:29 pm

I think Atomic got detention because he sure as hell seems to be missing. Or perhaps he is in the stacks with Miss Lillian and she is beating him with a book.

"Yes Miss Lillian, may I have another?"


DIVISION77 41M
8337 posts
2/8/2006 12:34 am

......or she is beating him off with a book.

"Yes Miss Lillian, you can use two hands!"

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
2/8/2006 12:36 am

<places a vase of roses and lilacs on the desk with three gigantic stems of bird of paradise in the center>

"I need the directions to the shelves where I might find the Bible and "Jane Eyre" and "The Joy of Sex", If you could help me please Miss Lillian, Ma'am, and I think the flowers might brighten these gloomy old rooms that you must spend so much time in."

[colorblue]<smiles sweetly>


rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
2/8/2006 12:39 am

oh crap!!, she thinks to herself


skyking412004 55M
5363 posts
2/8/2006 3:14 am

(I can talk because I'm a library page.) Excuse me Miss Lillian, (God, her mothbally scent and the fact that I want to have sex with her is tenting my trousers, I hope she doesn't notice. Gee, I wonder if this constantly getting hard will go away someday.) one of the students is looking for "The Complete StarTrek Compendium". (Actually, I want it for myself, but I'm to embarrast to admit it.) Could you help me find it for her?
(I have to remember to ask Atomic later, why he included his gay brother in his list of fictional characters. Was I right to doubt reality/fiction?)


TabithaElectra79 39F

2/8/2006 2:02 pm

Excellent post!

Oooops, i just talked !!


spinmedown 50M
3626 posts
2/8/2006 5:27 pm

pssst... uh, Miss Lillian... i know you must have just been eating a jelly, powdered doughnut..... with that straw, laying there on the cover of 'The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test' .... but there is something on your nose.... left nostril..... it's cool... you got it.. just thought you should know... it's cool

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


HORNYVIKING722 45M
1023 posts
2/8/2006 6:18 pm

*stuffs life sized, dusty J.F.K. bust into back pack unnoticed and walks up to Miss Lillian*, "Excuse me, Miss, how are you today? I need to sign out a camcorder and a tripod to tape the school play tonight. I'll have it back before first period Monday morning. Thanks Miss Lilian, have a great weekend!"


giasine 44F

2/8/2006 7:53 pm

*Makes paper airplanes from the pages of "A Brief History of Time"*

*Pencils in detailed illustrations next to human anatomy entries in the Dictionary*

*Sticks the pages of a "National Geographic Magazine" shut with bubble gum*

*Rearranges the card catalog into a completely random alphabet*

*Switches the mouse settings on Miss Lillian's computer*

*Makes out with DIV in the study cubicle*

NOTE: So as not to ruin DIV's good reputation, he did attempt to resist...


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 8:29 pm

havenbliss...you know, dear, I'm sorry, but I don't know who said that quote, but he or she sounds like an individual after my own heart. I'll keep loofing for it, though.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 8:35 pm

BigGirlzRSweet...I heard that whisper, dear and I think you'll find many fine books on Feng Shui over in the Asian Art and Design section. I'll even help you look for them before class...and dear, don't stare at that idiot's behind, that will only lead to impure thoughts.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 8:39 pm

DIVISION...I HEARD THAT! THE ONLY THING THAT IS GOING TO GET SLOPPY WET IS YOUR PANTS WHEN I SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPLE'S OFFICE!! NOW PUT A SHIRT ON AND SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 8:50 pm

saddle...thank you for the book, dear. I hope it served you well...

SWEET BABY JESUS...WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?!! DIDN'T THAT BOOK ON VIRGINITY TEACH YOU ANYTHING? ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KNOCKED UP AND ON WELFARE? GET OUT OF MY LIBRARY THIS INSTANT!!!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:00 pm

Havenbliss and BiggirlzRSweet...I HEARD THAT!! YOUNG LADY, BIGGIRLZ IS TRYING TO STUDY AND YOU'RE DRAGGING HER DOWN INTO THE GUTTER WITH YOU. THOSE FILTHY FASHION MAGAZINES YOU'RE READING IS TURNING YOUR HEAD TO MUSH. TURNING YOU INTO A BUNCH OF NO GOOD DYKES!! CALL ME AN OLD DOG...YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:04 pm

TIGER....AND YOU, YOUNG MAN!! THESE LADIES ARE TRYING TO STUDY AND YOU'RE INVITING THEM TO YOUR DAMN PARTY? YOU DUMBASS!! OPEN A BOOK FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE AND SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:12 pm

edie...yes dear, while miniscule neutrinos do indeed have mass and you'll find books on the subject over...

WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH?! PUT A SHIRT ON AND GET YOUR TITS OUT OF MY FACE!! NO WONDER YOU ONLY MEET STUPID DICKS!! THE NERVE OF YOU KIDS!! GET OUT!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:18 pm

MissAnn...yes, sweetie, I do have those particular books but I keep them in my office. There are far too many immature little pukes who come through here for me to risk putting them on the shelves. I lend them only to the most mature students and you have to sign special forms in order to obtain them. Here are the forms, they must be signed by you and your English teacher.

...and why do you smell like smoke, dear?...you know that is no good for you.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:23 pm

art-persists... I HEARD THAT YOUNG MAN...WATCH YOUR GODDAMNED MOUTH OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF ONE OF MY SIZE 7 1/2S UP YOUR KEESTER!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:28 pm

jak...its really unfortunate about your condition, dear, but if you must shout obsenities, do it into your jacket or a handkerchief. That's how most folks with torrets deal with their situation...and while on the subject, I have a video documantary in the new media section called "Twitch and Shout". You may enjoy it.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:31 pm

caress...just step away from the card catalog, sweetie. I'll have Ralph the janitor clean that up. You see, sweetheart, when a man loves a card catalog very much...


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:36 pm

haven... DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE THE FIRST TIME? QUIT DISRUPTING THIS LIBRARY OR I WILL USE MY KUNG-FU GRIP TO REMOVE YOU FROM THE PREMISE.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:39 pm

DIVISION...YOUNG MAN, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO PUT A SHIRT ON AND SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED MOUTH? DON'T TRY MY PATIENCE YOU LITTLE GEEK!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 9:54 pm

mm0206...yes, dear, we have several copies of the Bible in our Theology section. I could show you my personal favorites. As for the other two books, no, sweetie, we don't have them as their illustrations only lead to steamy, wanton lustful, mind boggling sex with several partners at a time...sweating and thrusting into every eager oriface...with orgasm after filty orgasm for all sinful patrons sick enough to engage in such an depraved act...and by God, nobody wants that.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:07 pm

skyking...don't lie to me young man, do you hear me? I can see right through you like celephane. from the looks of you you're probably proficiant in Klingon, Bocci, and whatever other bullpoopy languages you drooling geek kids are into. Tell "your friend" that we don't have that particular book or any of its kind as reading them will only ensure you a job as a manager at a comic book store, getting fat on twinkies and ding dongs, for no more than $7.50 an hour for the rest of your miserable Vulcan life.

oh, and... SKYKING...YOU SEEM TO HAVE A SMALL ROLL OF CERTS IN YOUR FRONT POCKET!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:11 pm

TABITHA...SHUSH!! YOU KNOW BETTER, YOUNG LADY. BE QUIET!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:20 pm

spinmedown...(gives you cold, stern look. wipes nose) Get over here young man. Closer. Closer. I said closer. (whispers)Do you want to see cool? If you tell anyone what you saw here, I promise you, you will be cleaning up cum, shit, piss, and puke with Ralph the janitor for the rest of your miserable punk-ass life. How do you think Ralph aquired such a prestigious lot in life? Lets just say he didn't come in here and apply for it. Do I make myself perfectly clear? Who's cool now, Bitch? say nothing to no one...Now spin yourself around and get out.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:28 pm

VIKING...I SAW THAT!! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HIDE YOUR ACT OF THIEVERY BEHIND A KIND WORD AND A FAKE SMILE? PUT THE BUST OF THAT WOMANIZER BACK ON ITS STAND AND GET OUT!

AND TAKE THAT DAMN INFLATABLE WHORE WITH YOU!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:34 pm

mzhuny...I heard that, young lady! Unless you apPly for a job, the
ONLY PERSON WHO CAN TELL ANYONE TO SHUSH IN HERE IS ME!! GOT THAT, YOU PUNK KID!?


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/8/2006 10:51 pm

pssst...hey all. its me...Atomic. What up dawgs? Hey, Miss Lillian just crossed her legs and I could totally see her nylons. man, I think she's fucking hot. I'd sooo bone her. I'd fill all three of her holes like a bowling ball. I'd totally eat corn chowder out of her panties. I heard she's never made it with a dude. I wonder if that means she eats carpet instead. I'd yank her by her blue hair and...

SWEET BABY JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH ON A POGO STICK...WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOUNG MAN!! YOU'D BONE WHO? YOU'D DO WHAT?

YOU JUST BONED YOURSELF, YOU DUMBASS!! GET YOUR PUNK-ASS TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, NOW!!


havenbliss 44F

2/8/2006 11:56 pm

Keester? Who the fuck says that anymore?

Miss Lillian, if you need help I know thise great website, the sell sex toys. Hell they even have a store in Seattle and I am would be more than happy to take you. They even have classes on bondage, it seems just right up your alley.

Old bitty, nice crust on your nylons...has Atomic been around here lately?


ediesedgewick 59F

2/9/2006 4:52 am

Wow. Miss Lillian's getting me all, kinda, um, excited.


HORNYVIKING722 45M
1023 posts
2/9/2006 6:24 am

Atomic that reaction is the exact opposite of what really happened way back in my highschool one hundred and fifty years ago.

oh and the play was good on tape but the cast party and my girl at that time was even better! oh the glory days ... maybe I'll have more glory days ahead, I'm hoping oh, summer maybe ^_^


tillerbabe 57F

2/9/2006 12:28 pm

Miss Lillian.....I smell this aweful.....I can't study.. it's wretching....it smells like fish.. is that you Miss Llilian?


spinmedown 50M
3626 posts
2/9/2006 2:58 pm

Ye..ye.ye..yes, m m mm Ma'am......but you'd better settle up on pay day, cuz i'm done fronting ya.....no more 'you know', til i see the dough. Who's cool now, bitch?

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


goddessofbitches 42M/34F

2/9/2006 7:35 pm

<--- Leaves a note on Miss Lillian's Desk

Dear Miss Lillian,

I am writing to inform you that I hate hippocrits...and you ma'am are the biggest. You are yelling at all of these poor other students..most of which are friends of mine...because they are talking. Well, my dear...just because you are the librarian, that doesn't mean YOU YOURSELF can disturb the peace. That's right. Your yelling is distracting, and so much so that I am going to have to go to Atomic's house after school to study for the ANATOMY test.

Don't bother attempting to send me to the principals office, for I'm sure my father would agree with me on this issue. I also don't think you would want to loose your job either.

THANKS
MANDY (GODDESSOFBITCHES)
Or you can call me "The boss's daughter"

Always The Bitch


skyking412004 55M
5363 posts
2/9/2006 8:20 pm

(Thinking to self) "Miss Lillian said it looked like I had a SMALL roll of Certs in my front pocket. How could the lust of my life do that to me? I guess I'll just go home and beat off to thoughts of her berating me in public. Uh, oh, there's that hard on again. Good thing I'm standing behind the infomation desk. If I rub it against the counter just right...oh, that feels so good. I hope nobody sees me and realizes what I'm doing."


craptoast 40M

2/9/2006 8:23 pm

...somehow snuck past the wrath. having made out a plenty, exiting the library and...
too late now bitch.


rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
2/9/2006 8:46 pm

But ... But... Miss Lilian if I could just look at those books and see what all this uproar is about....(whispers)I might tell you about it...


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:00 pm

sil...and I might send you to the principal's office on your ear. Don't try me, young lady.


oldman1776 80M
3164 posts
2/9/2006 11:05 pm

Damn it quiet in here. Miss Lilian can I play with my insterment in the back.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:09 pm

HAVENBLISS...I KEEP THROWING YOU OUT AND YOU KEEP COMING BACK, SWEARING LIKE A TRUCKER AND MAKING LESBO PASSES AT ME. WHAT KIND OF SICK, DEMENTED BROAD ARE YOU ANYWAY? THATS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU, YOU'RE TOLD TO GET OUT AND REPEATEDLY YOU DON'T TAKE THE HINT!

...AND IF BY ATOMIC YOU MEAN THAT IDIOT BOY WHO WAS GETTING A HAND JOB IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM, I SENT HIM TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE FOR TALKING OUT OF LINE...WHICH IS WHERE YOU'RE GOING. NOW!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:12 pm

EDIE...DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO PUT A SHIRT ON? I'VE HAD IT UP TO HEAR WITH THE LIKES OF YOU PEOPLE!


DIVISION77 41M
8337 posts
2/9/2006 11:18 pm

Dear Miss Lillian,

Did you just call me "sweet baby jesus"?

Hail Mary.

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:20 pm

tillerbabe...I smell precisely like tiger lilly and vanilla and always have...that aweful smell must be your upper lip as its right under your nose...or the stench of your own teenage failure.

and tillerbabe...PUT SOME PANTS ON FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:29 pm

spin...get over here...closer. alright...play it your way...I'll show you the dough. Ask Ralph the janitor when we get paid around here...because you've just insured yourself a lifetime of working for him. I heard he has some nasty magazines in the boiler room.

and spin...

HOPE YOU LIKE GAY MIDGET PORN, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE A LOT OF IT! HAH! SUCKER!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
2/9/2006 11:45 pm

leaves a note on Mandy's study booth

Dear Mandy,

I am writing to inform you that I hate punk-ass, insolent, stuck up, self-centered, spoiled little shits like you and you have the wrong idea entirely. I have your father eating out the palm of my hand...not the other way around. I have so much dirt on your father and he knows it. Lets just say if I go public with any of it, your father will never work in another school district again.

Why do you think I get away with yelling at you punk kids so much?

Sincerely yours,

Miss Lillian

Head Librarian
Blogland High School
The Real Goddess of Bitches


ediesedgewick 59F

2/10/2006 4:46 am

Oh Miss Lillian...lick me...


spinmedown 50M
3626 posts
2/10/2006 2:27 pm

Lick me first, Miss Lillian.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


havenbliss 44F

2/10/2006 6:30 pm

Ohhhh busted! Hey Lilian since I am already going to the Principal's office I an suddenly reminded of a scene from Donnie Darko. Perhaps you have seen it...

With the way you send kids to the principal's office I am starting to think you are his pimp.

What kind of bling do old dried up prunes like yourself wear these days?


goddessofbitches 42M/34F

2/10/2006 7:55 pm

That's it, in the words of Donald Trump.,...

You're Fired...

And by the way...I'm taking Atomic to the back room and having my way with him....you might want to come watch...you need a few lessons...

LOL

HUGS~~~MANDY

Always The Bitch


Become a member to create a blog