My Wife At 14 Westminster Terrace Can't Keep Her Goddamned Legs Shut!  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
8/16/2006 10:49 pm

Last Read:
11/11/2010 11:05 pm

My Wife At 14 Westminster Terrace Can't Keep Her Goddamned Legs Shut!

Hello. You may remember me from my previous article My Daughter At 917 Kirkland Drive Apt 4 Can't Keep Her Goddamned Legs Shut. Now I’m back to tell you that my wife at 14 Westminster Terrace can’t keep her goddamned legs shut either. Its true. It doesn’t matter if I’m away on my yearly business trips to Cincinnati every April and Mid-September or if I’m busily mowing the lawn every Saturday morning from 8 to 10. She’ll gobble the knob of any guy with a good job so long as I’m not around.

Now, I’m the type of guy who likes to keep a routine and never varies from it…ever. That’s why I was so surprised to hear rumor that my wife has been on her back, taking in a yard of dick from some guy who owns a Mercedes every Tuesday night from 6-11 when I’m playing poker with my buddies.

And while I thought she was meeting with her book club the first Wednesday of every month…hah…it turns out those old broads weren’t reading anything but the crinkles on some steroid-riddled stripper’s nutsack as he tea-bagged across their noses.

She’s not all that picky, either. While it helps if you’re roughly ten years younger than me, have more hair than I do, and your income is higher than my salary of $85,700 a year, she would still tramp herself out to an occasional young broke hipster when she hangs out at the Starbucks on Galen Ave most weekday afternoons. You’ve probably seen her there. She’s the saucy old blonde with the press on nails and the Madison Avenue boob job. Shit, she’ll just sit in her usual spot in the corner by the window next to the ivy plant and sip her low-fat vanilla latte until some guy or another catches sight of her in her favorite white angora sweater and black Capri pants. Heck, if he shows even the slightest interest in the Dan Brown or Michael Crichton novel she may be reading at the time, she’ll practically wrap her botox injected lips around his cock right there and then!

When she’s out at the Yacht Club Lounge drinking with her girlfriends on Saturday nights, it doesn’t take much to get into her pants. Pretty much her limit is three mojitos with a sprig of mint and soon enough she’s bent over the hood of a car in the goddamned parking lot taking a deep dicking from behind!

And boy…when I get home from my business trips in April and September, I’m in the mood to get down and dirty. But, damn! She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

What really pisses me off about this whole ordeal, is the Mrs. has been fixed for awhile now. That means just any old Tom, Dick, and Harry can fill her to the brim with his spunk without worry of getting the old girl knocked up. You think I want to come home to that sloppy mess? No thanks, Buddy! I’d rather just sleep it off on the goddamned couch when I come home from poker night at 11 until I have to get up for work at 8am. While she’s upstairs…alone…putting on make up or something.

I’d do something about it but between work and my can’t miss golf games and the conference coming up next month…then its football season after that. I just don’t have the time. I’m always so goddamned tired. Eh, what can ya do?


LustyTaurus 50M
21253 posts
8/16/2006 11:00 pm

Come now Mr. 14 Westminster Terrace...these other guys have already done the hard work for ya, shes all juicy and she would fuck you in a heartbeat just out of guilt...you'd get your rocks off and still not miss your tee time!!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:19 pm:
heh...good point. i like that. thanks for the different insight.

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
8/16/2006 11:26 pm

And We all know there is nothing more important than the coming football season...
sunday all day
and monday nights
and then the rare and special thursday or saturday games...

what does that woman you are married to thinks she is ...
definitely not the center of your universe....

I think you should get out on the golf course and find that rock you crawled out from under and slither right back under it ...

...m.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:25 pm:
you know...I never much been into any kind of sports. I was the average guy's nightmare. their girlfriends and wives would be over my house during all the big games. lets just say we were having our own kind of superbowl party.

catseyes23 62F

8/17/2006 12:00 am

"And boy…when I get home from my business trips in April and September, I’m in the mood to get down and dirty. But, damn! She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

Oh boy-this part just cracked me up completely. Totally hilarious, my ribs are hurting. Thanks for a great read.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:28 pm:
judging by all the comments, that seems to be the winning line. thank you dear. I always appreciate your input.

Shelly_Marie 45F

8/17/2006 12:11 am

    Quoting catseyes23:
    "And boy…when I get home from my business trips in April and September, I’m in the mood to get down and dirty. But, damn! She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

    Oh boy-this part just cracked me up completely. Totally hilarious, my ribs are hurting. Thanks for a great read.
yeah by the time I hit that part, my sides were splitting too. lol


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:30 pm:
reading me has proven to be very hazardous to your sides, bladder, and computer screen. thank you for stopping by.

velvetgrrrl 40F

8/17/2006 1:01 am

My husband is just like you. He's so wrapped up in all his guy things. The job where he makes just enough money to keep us in the luxuries we have (mortgage and car payments-what joy! ), the football he no longer gets to play cause he got old and fat. The golf he does play for that very same reason. Why the lawn for our house has become more important then the lawn between my legs. It's gone so neglected its like an unruly bush and dry and barren as a desert. I had to mow my own lawn when once upon a time he took great pleasure in trimming my hedges. Why wouldn't I notice the pool man who came by to clean my, ahem I mean our pipes? I saw him checking out the girls while my husband was off watching the game reminiscing his glory years? And when he offered to help unclog and clean those forgotten drains for such a reasonable price who was I to refuse? My husband himself says to take advantage of every bargain. And I do so love a great deal. Why the guy at the shoe store took me to the backroom to show me his stock. I say I was quite impressed but having been such a longtime customer I expect nothing less than VIP treatment. I think I'm doing my husband a favour!
I may not be blowing a lot.......
BUt I'm doing a little to get us far for his buck!

`Velvet
Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:36 pm:
these sound like all the pitfalls of being the perfect suburban trophy bride. you know, with a creative person, you'd have penty of sex and never afford a lawn.

OboesHonedIambs 63F

8/17/2006 1:03 am

    Quoting catseyes23:
    "And boy…when I get home from my business trips in April and September, I’m in the mood to get down and dirty. But, damn! She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

    Oh boy-this part just cracked me up completely. Totally hilarious, my ribs are hurting. Thanks for a great read.
I'm crying happy tears! Really I am! My sides are splitting and yet the tone draws the eyes back and laughing starts all over again!Great line.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:40 pm:
another one with tears and hurt sides! I'm kind of a sadistic bugger, aren't I? thank you hope you recoop soon. take deep breaths...now think of a hot dog being thrown down a hallway.

cuteNEway 42F

8/17/2006 1:29 am

"And while I thought she was meeting with her book club the first Wednesday of every month…hah…it turns out those old broads weren’t reading anything but the crinkles on some steroid-riddled stripper’s nutsack as he tea-bagged across their noses."

Ah the imagery involved in that one...now THATS comedly LMAO


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:41 pm:
daddy loves you.

Nina_Dee 62F

8/17/2006 5:23 am

And while I thought she was meeting with her book club the first Wednesday of every month…hah…it turns out those old broads weren’t reading anything but the crinkles on some steroid-riddled stripper’s nutsack as he tea-bagged across their noses.

Oh the humour! There is something about the crinkles on the steroid riddled nutsack that throws me completely and by the time I got to "She's so loose,that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway" Just bowled me over! I agree with abglady2. The laughing starts all over again!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:43 pm:
thank you, darling. believe it or not, i think hard on how to best put together the wording. seems like it paid off.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
8/17/2006 6:20 am

She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Nice turn of a phrase there... LMAO


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:45 pm:
just about every post of mine seems to have one line that gets everyone...that seems to be the one here. thank you.

LaVadaLicious 55F  
2770 posts
8/17/2006 6:45 am

WOW you sound just like my husband, always whining and complaining. Hey us girls have to get it when and where we can, so stop your pity party and get over it. Hey at least she is still there to cleanup after your sorry ass..



Stop in and Sign The Guest Book


~~~~


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:47 pm:
dayum! wanna come over?

WaterBabyRocks 60M

8/17/2006 9:07 am

I don't know where you get your ideas from but man, you are a genius.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:52 pm:
most of these ideas come while I'm on my walks. I've often been caught mumbling and laughing aloud. i'm sure people think i'm crazy.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
8/17/2006 1:55 pm

*sigh* Why are all the clueless guys taken?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/17/2006 9:53 pm:
HAH! ok, that was the funniest comment here so far. very good. you mean you'd actually marry that guy?

economickrisis 56M

8/18/2006 1:22 am

Fuckit mate, toss the old battle axe and find one who likes football and can caddy. If she can also cut bait and clean fish yer on a winner.

Im happy to find one who doesnt mind carryin the beer.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/18/2006 8:44 pm:
cut bait and clean fish with her press on nails? I doubt it.

rm_Mandrake_M 62M

8/18/2006 6:59 am

Amazing isn't it, my dear man. I can always count on visiting your blog to find yet another story that is undoubtedly entertaining!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/18/2006 8:46 pm:
thank you, sir. I try to make the long time between posts worht the wait. Thank you for your continued support.

rm_arvada2007 48F
13 posts
8/18/2006 8:29 am

UM...Atomic Luv..if you used Botox in your lips, they would no longer move...now a collagen injection would make you look like Angelina Jolie...not sure which look you were going for! LMAO

Anyway, as always...You're killing me man! Very funny!
xoxoxox


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/18/2006 8:54 pm:
damn! slipped in my research again! thanks for correcting me. as you know, I associate myself with natural beauties who aren't enhanced...well, perfectly manicured nails aside.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
8/18/2006 9:55 am

Hey, as long as I only have to do him twice a year drunk as a skunk and the pool boy and the young guys in town are hot enough... Come on. He wouldn't even notice I was having sex right above his head while football was on.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/18/2006 8:59 pm:
I think he has sex with her more than twice a year. he just wants it exceptionally so after his business trips. And I suppose his income is pretty good. not wealthy, but upper-middle class anyway. And at least he knows what she likes (mojitos, Dan Brown, etc.) some husbands can't even get that right. I guess he isn't without his charms.

catseyes23 62F

8/19/2006 10:33 am

Just saying hello again.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/19/2006 4:40 pm:
well, hello dear.

kyplowboy22 63M

8/19/2006 4:35 pm

"She’s so loose that sexual congress with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

Does it kinda put you in mind of fuckin' a luke warm glass of water???

kpb

PS: Thanx for the visit, come back every chance you get


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/19/2006 7:27 pm:
I don't know...compared to throwing a hot dog down a hallway, a luke warm glass of water might be pleasant.

multitasksextoy 60M  
3511 posts
8/22/2006 12:05 pm

Maybe if you had more to throw at her than a little hotdog it wouldn't feel like a hallway!!! Try throwing a salami or firehose at her and see what happens and by the sounds of your sexual appetite you would only need 3 to 4 minutes between golf and football games to get your rocks off any how!!!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/22/2006 12:36 pm:
so...are you saying that cropped just below that picture there you are packing a firehose?

Shelly_Marie 45F

8/22/2006 7:28 pm

I had to make my own variation of it too. I posted in a couple of groups that I am in, and linked you to it....lol.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/22/2006 8:15 pm:
heh. oh boy, here they all come now!

Djeeper1987 48M

8/22/2006 9:24 pm



Carpe Diem


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/23/2006 7:23 pm:
yeah. I know

iwantsex1616161 30F
2 posts
8/29/2006 5:18 am

I'm kinda like that, only id have to fuck all year non stop to get that loose


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/29/2006 12:42 pm:
heh! geez!

skyking412004 55M
5363 posts
8/30/2006 11:05 am

_____I'm too old, fat, and poor.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 9:00 pm:
just get her drunk. that'll do it.

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