Highway Safety Is No Laughing Matter  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
5/4/2006 11:38 pm

Last Read:
10/25/2007 6:02 pm

Highway Safety Is No Laughing Matter

Spring is in the air and everyone is taking to the highways to visit our online friends for some good old fashioned deep dicking. This is a sex site so its presumed that you’re all a bunch of insatiable horndogs. That’s why I’m using AtomicArtist’s blogspace here to tell you about the third leading cause of accidents on the highway…

Sex While Driving

The name is Sergeant Rex Malone and I’m Blogland’s retired Highway Safety Commissioner and before that I was the toughest Highway Trooper you’d ever have the misfortunate of running into. In my twenty-two years of dedicated service, I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit in my day…lots of crazy shit…and most of it could have been prevented if simple common sense had been used.

About a decade back, I get this call on my radio about these two guys in a car speeding down the highway easily thirty mph over the posted speed limit and swerving like a son of a bitch. I surmised that the two guys were a couple of homos as the radio call said that the vehicle was a yellow convertible. After serving the public for so many years, you just get a feeling about this stuff. Anyway, I get into my cruiser and try to track these two clowns down before they go and hurt themselves and everyone else and by the time I pull up to the wreckage, I was too late. Their yellow corvette was a twisted pile of crap and sure enough the one guy was ball deep in the other one’s shitter. In studying the crash and trajectory, I concluded that they were like that before the impact. Luckily, they didn’t go and get themselves killed, but they each spent a good solid three months pissing into a catheter in the goddamned hospital recovering from sixty or so smashed bones between them. This could have been prevented had they pulled over to the nearest truckstop to do their business like all the other fruits.

Another time a few years back I’m chasing down this goddamned minivan trying to get him to pull over as he was swerving like hell and putting all kinds of other motorists in danger. I got my sirens and lights going for miles and this knucklehead doesn’t even notice. I pull up beside him and sure enough he’s got three broads stacked up on his lap like ice cream…one of each flavor. Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. What a goddamned sight that was! He was lucky that I finally was able to pull the pantsless freak over and write him a citation. Otherwise him And the three broads would end up dead over a goddamned cliff! What a way to go.

Anyway, spring is in the air and lets face it…you gotta do what you gotta do. But be smart about it, you crazy kids. Observe the rules of the road and have respect for your other motorists. And if you gotta do your pervy business whether it be sucking, rimming, or fisting, pull over and do it at a rest stop or in a cheap motel with all the other degenerates. I’m opening the floor for some questions and comments now and assuredly I will be the one answering your concerns and not that piss-ant Atomic. That stupid prick. What does he know about highway safety? I’ll tell you what he knows. Nothing!

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/4/2006 11:51 pm

uh.... Sarge, sir...last week this pickup truck of lunatic college kids were trying to get me to stop they almost swerved into my little red miata and would stop right in front of me... I tried calling 911 on my cell but the damn thing was out of range.... what do you suggestI should do next week when I go to visit my Aunt in that damn college town?

Thanks Sarge...

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 12:02 am:
sweetheart, you and I both know these young houligans are ignorant punks hell bent on making life difficult for the rest of us. They drive like morons and they think they own the whole damn road! I'll tell you what to do. Take a gun and shoot 'em in the ass! You're in Texas, after all! That'll teach those punk kids a lesson!

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
5/5/2006 12:51 am

Oh I learned this lesson, almost the hard way. No sex OF ANY KIND while driving, consider it part of the safe driving course!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 10:47 pm:
see what I mean...I'm just here to do a public service. Take it to a cheap motel with stained sheets and a vibrating bed. You'd be safer.


5/5/2006 1:03 am

So I guess the time the urge hit me and my guy friend and I pulled over on the side of highway 69 , and he bent me over the hood of the car and gave it to me good, was a bad thing?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 10:52 pm:
Its good that you pulled over to do your dirty business, young lady. Now you're still alive to tell about it. AtomicArtist says its bad that you were on highway 69. He says get on highway 90 heading west instead.

EroticaXTC 51F

5/5/2006 2:14 am

Oh Sarge...You know, it's all about Control...See Sarge, I've been the driver on quite a few occasions, in my delicately erotic past, where I had the intense pleasure of having my entire female erogenous zone licked, eaten, probed...
Now the proper positioning of my left leg bent with my foot in my seat allowed easier access for my lover to get his face in place properly...I used his back to gently prop my elbow upon when I needed to balance my grip on the steering wheel...
But I cannot tell you how fucking erotic the challenge of maintaining control of the correct amount of pressure of my foot upon the gas pedal and keeping control of my vehicle while having beautiful rippling and explosive orgasms is. I'm just GOOD LIKE THAT
(However, this was usually done at a time of day/night when there were few vehicles on the road...I would never attempt it during "busy" hours.)
so Sarge....how are your tongue skills these days?{=}

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 11:00 pm:
Now listen here, Stevie Nicks! I've been on this planet a lot longer than you and what you're doing is down right dangerous! You may think you have control of the wheel while you're getting your sandbox licked, poked, and prodded, but you don't. Believe me, I've seen too many yahoos like you wind up looking like Quasimoto after a hidious wreck. Pull over and take it to a truck stop or cheap motel and boink away with all the other houligans.

As for your other question, my tongue is being used nowadays exactly the way God intended...to taste my jell-o and to teach you punk kids a lesson about highway safety!

multitasksextoy 60M  
3511 posts
5/5/2006 11:20 am

Atomic,but thier is nothing like road head to get a guy primed properly!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 11:17 pm:
I'll give you road head right in the keester with my size 12 shoe! And I don't think its the kind of road head you're thinking of. Put a shirt on, son, you're making me nervous.

mycin62 55F

5/5/2006 12:54 pm

Damn, where were you yesterday when we were driving around looking for a place to park and fuck?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 11:22 pm:
I'm retired, sweetheart. I'm not pulling over degenerate pervs like you anymore. But if you have to do your business pull over. I'd rather see you fogging up the windows of a parked vehicle than you driving like a bat out of hell while getting your funbags fondled. Be safe out there.

ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
5/5/2006 5:18 pm

I wondered when "Neck Waddle" would show up. Silly Highway Safety Man.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/5/2006 11:31 pm:
Neck Waddle? Silly Highway Safety Man?! Who do you think you're talking to, Missy? I'm as tough as nails, you hear! I eat raw steel and shit bullets! I can still bare-knuckle box any man like I did in the war. Even at my age. You'll see how your neck looks when you get my age. You snotty punk kids and your crazy rock and roll! Its making your head soft. You'll see when you get older! You'll see...Damn punk kids!

EroticaXTC 51F

5/6/2006 5:10 am

?*?*OK, sarn, you didn't quite pay attention, but I realize that senility is common at your advanced age...I said in my "past"... Oh, that's right, your past is your present now, LOL ...How about I cum over there to the old folx home and show you the proper use of jell-O, hmmm??? I could crawl up on your lap and straddle you, (with a sheet covering the bed sores of course) and feed you your cherry jell-O... I'll even make the airplane noises for you... and then afterwards, we'll use what's left to spread all over my nakey-nakey body while you let the spittle drool out of your mouth....
You'd like that, huh?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:05 pm:
you are one saucy minx, aren't you, Stevie Nicks? So...you have a thing for old men, eh?

rm_art_persists 52M
1789 posts
5/6/2006 11:23 am

Sarge: I have a hard time keeping my hands off the naked ladies sitting on my car seat. What else can I do during a ride home in rush hour?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:10 pm:
Are your eyes brown? They must be because you are so full of bullshit. You can't fool me, buster. You don't have any naked broads with you during rush hour or otherwise. Just drive safely, keep both hands on the wheel and pork your blow up doll once you get home. And finish your damn vaccuuming!

TTigerAtty 63M

5/6/2006 5:17 pm

Good post, Sergeant!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:12 pm:
Just because you're a lawyer, doesn't mean you can suck up to me. I'd still pull you over in your BMW if I catch you speeding or breaking the law. Watch out, young man! damn punk kids!

micahbiguns 52M

5/6/2006 10:39 pm

So ya think ya seen a lot of chit not from that little bitty patrol car of yourn? why ol son I done been out here with the white line fever going on 17 years. I done seen a thing or two let me tell you, but if-in I did you would probably get all het up and blush cuz ya was all embareassed. But all that aside it is a good public service announcement so keep up the good work sarge

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:13 pm:
Are you drunk or just a redneck? Damn I have no idea what you're talking about.

cuteNEway 42F

5/7/2006 6:02 am

I learned the hard way that my boobs are way too big to give a man head while he drives...they get in the damn way...especially with these newfangled bucket seats...I miss the old bench seats...where you could cuddle up to the driver and at least give him a decent hand job without looking obvious...I mean you can always tell when someone is reaching over to give one...

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:16 pm:
Boobs too big, huh? Do you have a thing for old men like eroticXTC? You can come over to the old folks home and feed me jell-o.

MrNuttz05 50M

5/7/2006 8:26 am

(lol)Good Grief, dude(lol)
O.K. Sarge... A few years ago I was on I-75 with a friend. She & I had discussed the fact that I liked to 'point & aim' when I blew a wad, so this was her perfect time to get me while I was driving... How could I aim while I was driving, right? Well, being the ass that I am I got to the point of no return & I told her that someone was staring in the car. As soon as she took out the one-eyed-snake to look out of the window I blew her up with a few volcanic streams. I hit paydirt. The only thing was that she immediately paniced & sent the Nuttmobile into a three lane swerve that burned a lil' too much rubber off of my Bridgestones... Hey, she wasn't playing fair so why should I, eh? Unlike Vick, I keep it in the vehicle

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:23 pm:
Damn, look at you, son. And they say all men are created equal. sheesh! Anyway, so you got your jollies off and squirted your broad in the eye. And you also swerved into three lanes. See what I mean. Sex on the highway just isn't safe. You could have hit somebody or at the very least put a big scratch in the Nuttmobile. AtomicArtist didn't tell me I'd be talking to a bunch of naked guys. Now put that thing away before you hurt somebody with it!

skyking412004 54M
5363 posts
5/9/2006 5:44 am

______So, you're saying that if after all this time, I get a woman to go down on me while I'm driving, I should stop her. Do you understand that I'm forty three years old and that has NEVER happened to me . What are ya, freakin' nuts?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/9/2006 9:32 pm:
43 years old and never had some honey go down on ya while you drive. Even I'm laughing at that and I'm advocating AGAINST sex while driving. Get caught and I'm pulling you over. I like to watch. Then give out tickets. Thats just the kind of asshole I am.

EroticaXTC 51F

5/10/2006 3:18 am

Actually, NO...I just like to dish out doses of reality to wrinkled up has beens

MrNuttz05 50M

5/10/2006 6:03 pm

You're fucking NUTTZ, AA!

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/10/2006 8:51 pm

Oh Sarge I actually have been having some problems shifting the gears in the little red go car, do you think you can give me a lesson in shifting the gears, it seems to want to stay in fourth gear all the time and the salesman said I was definitely the fifth gear type, so could ya huh? please pretty please?
I always seem to have trouble getting that knob to slip into reverse too.... I may have to take it back to that sales man and let him drive me around like he offered to the other day. He just chews too dang much gum, and his polyester suits are really starting to smell badly.
He does seem to have his hard...oh I mean his heart in the right place though.
And maybe you can give me some pointers on shooting that .44 magnum I bought like you suggested?
take care and drive safe Sweetie.

memeanne74 43F
5991 posts
10/25/2007 5:03 pm

Ooh A Super Dooper Trooper hunh !

Gonna cuff me big boy ?

Gonna make me spread em like Danno ?

Seriously I wonder why you have issue with the younger set getting our freak on in a moving vehicle....

I mean once we get all slippery from mouth on genital action ,we do tend to pull over and get in the back seat like a set of horny pubescent teenager's..

Hey what is with the Jello .... It's better if ya half freeze it and let it melt while you give head.


" I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips."

AtomicArtist0 replies on 10/25/2007 6:18 pm:
Holy Mother of God! Look at the driver's safety air bags on you! So....you like dirty old men, do ya? Give grandpa some sugar, baby.

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