Explaining Our Sexual Exploits To Little Billy Sucked More Than I Thought  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
5/15/2006 11:39 pm

Last Read:
8/16/2013 12:06 am

Explaining Our Sexual Exploits To Little Billy Sucked More Than I Thought

Boy, oh boy, kids are something else, aren’t they? My little Billy is no exception and sometimes ya just got to explain to your kids what Mommy and Daddy do to get their rocks off. He’s getting to that age now where he’s starting to ask questions like “how are babies made?”, “what are those weird noises at night?” and “what are all those cars doing in our driveway every Friday and Saturday night?”

It was a hard decision to make, but I figured honesty was important and it was high time for father and son to have “The Talk”. I took my boy out for some ice cream, swallowed my nervousness and said, “You see, Billy. Your mother and I are…um…into some very advanced sexual practices…some freaky-deaky shit, son! The kind of shit you only read about in Penthouse Forum, Hustler’s Beaver Hunt and only the most depraved pulp underground swinger’s mags. Then I went on to say that his mother and I swap with lots of folks every weekend in our fully furnished sex dungeon complete with hot tub, mirrored ceilings, disco balls, suspended love swing, spanking rack, nipple clamps, doubledongs, whips, chains, handcuffs, branding irons, and espresso maker. Our sex dungeon is just the basement, but Billy was so freaked out he said he would never even go near the basement door again. Heh, heh heh! Poor little guy!

I told Billy about the kind of folks that hang out with us on the weekends as well. They usually tend to be like us, middle to upper class suburbanites. But sometimes we invite midgets, trannies, grannies, prostitutes, dudes in diapers, weathered old nudists with dark, wrinkled Naugahyde skin from a lifetime in the sun, swingers with huge feathered mullets and pinky rings, and sometimes big, fat, hairy homo bears with fists the size of catcher’s mitts. Hah! You know what that means! Boy, was it ever hard to explain that daddy can take a whole fist up his poopshoot! Heh! Damn, I think he cried in his ice cream for an hour after that.

We also have a state of the art video equipment down there where we can produce our own freaky-ass movies. Like this one time I filmed the missus getting tea bagged by these two dudes. They were dipping them balls all up on her head and her mouth! You should have seen that shit, man! In fact you can on our website! Hah! This other time I was fucking these two midgets, right! Then wouldn’t you know it! I don’t know what got into her mind, but one of them takes a big dump all over my chest! And we got it all on video and posted on our website. Damn! That’s some freaky shit! Literally! Hah! No worries, I didn’t tell all that to little Billy. I almost did, though. I get pretty stoked about this stuff sometimes! Booyeah!

But man, let me tell ya. I sure wasn’t stoked to have “The Talk”. I think it traumatized him. He doesn’t come out of his room anymore and he sure don’t look at his dear old dad the same anymore. It kinda made me think. It kinda made me think I should have just explained how babies are made and left out all that other stuff about rimming and bukkake. Heh! Poor funny little guy! Explaining our sexual exploits to little Billy sucked more than I thought. He’ll get over it soon, I hope. I am kinda glad I didn’t tell him his mom can take two fists up her cooter.

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/16/2006 12:15 am

I guess all things come to those that wait...
the expresso maker was the biggest turn on for me...

Reading your blog is an education Atomic....
but why the disco balls?
oh well... never mind.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 12:34 pm:
so...this is what you've been waiting for? this character to come on and talk about explaining his sexual exploits to his kids?

yes...disco balls. very pervy.

TTigerAtty 63M

5/16/2006 4:01 am

I hope little Billy can be discreet about all the information you have entrusted him with. It could be problematic if he starts talking about all this with the other school kids or his kinky, perverted, child-abusing 25 year-old nymphomaniac teacher! Oh well! Let's hope not!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 12:37 pm:
you know a kinky, perverted 25 year old nymphomaniac teacherand you're holding out on us? is she hot? I want a refferal, damn it!

skyking412004 54M
5363 posts
5/16/2006 4:28 am

_____You know, when I laugh and vomit at the same time...it really hurls. Poor kid. (Oh, by the way, Beaver Hunt doesn't have stories, just lots and lots of naked women. Can't believe you didn't do your "research" on that.)

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 12:40 pm:
You laugh and puke at the same time? gross! but I'm honored. I know all about hustler beaver hunt. I just thought it sounded funny. sort of like espresso maker.

saddletrampsk 55F

5/16/2006 8:21 am

The grow up so fast don't they?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 12:46 pm:
they sure do

rm_gerson42 53M
2419 posts
5/16/2006 5:14 pm

I'm crackin up over here.
What happened to the birds and the bees?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:45 pm:
apparently the birds and the bees have gotten a little more depraved. So, hare are you going to explain to your kids that your some buff naked guy sitting in front of the computer?

Looking4sex44240 55F

5/16/2006 8:56 pm


AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:46 pm:

rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
5/16/2006 9:48 pm

Now I know how to tell my daughter about these things... thanks

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:47 pm:
you're welcome. just don't show her the videos.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
5/16/2006 11:39 pm

Is this a friend of BustyLatinaBlond?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:51 pm:
Thanks to your recomendation, I checked her out and she is indeed a piece of work. As indicriminate as this dad is, he may already have her on speed dial, but she may not be taking his calls as she made it clear that she only wanted extremely hot movie star quality guys. This dad is sort of average. As for me, she gets no comments from me until she gains pictures in her blog and intelligence.

LabioBent 106M
2082 posts
5/16/2006 11:52 pm

Lefty and I are like totally with you on this!

You just have to tell it to Billy straight up! Just like you did!

No KNEE pads????????

It's okay, we'll bring our own.

Me and Lefty

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:52 pm:
You're pretty funny for a right knee. But how are you going to explain to your kids that you're a knee with sheet burns on your face? It must be difficult to explain where that came from.

multitasksextoy 60M  
3511 posts
5/18/2006 6:12 am

That's not quite the talk I had with my boys,but I quess it will do.

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:54 pm:
yes, its probably best to keep the details of your midget prostitution ring out of "The Talk" with the kids.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
5/18/2006 2:17 pm

Well look at it this way, at least Billy will be able to relate to the chick from The DaVinci Code a little. And she's from a pretty repectable lineage, apparently.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/18/2006 5:56 pm:
yes, she seemed to have suffered no irreversible harm...oh, wait...yes she did.

micahbiguns 52M

5/20/2006 9:33 pm

hmmm why didn't I think of that with my youngest??

AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/21/2006 6:48 pm:
some things are just better left unsaid...like anything to do with midgets and fisting.

AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
5/27/2006 10:15 am

plenty of glitter and sequins to be had at the senior center crafts table, thats for sure. I tought Edna how to make disco balls out of her boobs.

rm_LilBlondeNZ 42F
1028 posts
5/27/2006 10:55 am

OMG hahahaha poor Billy. Traumatized for life. Hysterical.

Nothing a little Carvel can't fix though, eh?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 5/27/2006 10:12 pm:
carvel ice cream solves everything!


8/13/2006 10:40 pm

that is freakin hilarious

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/14/2006 6:01 pm:
yes, I had a good time with this one. thank you.

BaronessK 53F

9/13/2006 8:33 am

Well, somebody's kids have to pay for a shrinkadink's kids to go to college and Aruba on holidays and all....

AtomicArtist0 replies on 9/13/2006 10:36 pm:

rm_cumqueen0812 54F
57 posts
2/4/2008 9:49 am

for the life of me I can't find the nipple clamp section in my anatomy and physiology book. maybe i will have to edit some diagrams with a sharpie!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 2/4/2008 5:29 pm:
heh! there should be instructions...place nipple clamps here. tweak and yank as per individual pleasure threasholds. repeat.

rm_cumqueen0812 54F
57 posts
2/5/2008 9:28 pm

Scary your'e reading my mind! woah!

AtomicArtist0 replies on 2/5/2008 10:54 pm:
I'm smart like that.

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