Another Crass Horoscope, You Cornholers  

AtomicArtist0 46M
5236 posts
12/1/2005 3:58 pm

Last Read:
10/3/2006 6:29 pm

Another Crass Horoscope, You Cornholers

Once again, its the first of the month and that means only two things...I just crapped into my own shoe again and its time for another installment of your crass horoscope. December is the month for holidays and sharing, so wake the kids and share this with all your pervy friends and invite the creep who's stalking ya in for some coffee. Read your horoscopes outloud to each other and you just might find you have more in common than an affinity for public masturbation.

As always, comment on this blog entry and get your own personal crass reading based on your profile, sign, location, and any other astral crap I can sling. Comment often, cuz you know thats what daddy likes.

Aries March 21-April 20 You've landed a great new job as a Public Administrator. Congradulations to you! However, your pride in your new position dampens as you learn that the job doesn't involve giving enemas in front of huge crowds.

Taurus April 21-May 21 Its been suspected all along, but confirmed testing and a kennel certificate later this week will prove once and for all that you're the puppy's daddy.

Gemini May 22-June 21 If you don't know what it is already, you'll find out quite graphicly what teabagging is at your friend's bachelorette party this weekend.

Cancer June 22-July 23 After the accident, you can't shake the feeling that everyone who has fallen for you are just a bunch of amputee fetishists.

Leo July 24-August 23 Just when you thought you've puked up the last of your stomach contents, you didn't think the act was physically possible, but low and behold...up comes your shoes.

Virgo August 24-September 23 Your lack of assertiveness, feelings of insecurity and lack of confidence in your small frame leaves you wishing you were more like the big, angry dad from American Chopper.

Libra September 24-October 23 They can take away your home, your job at the middle school, and your freedom. They can even take away your life through lethal injection, but no one can take away your memories of a thousand beautiful boys dancing for your amusement.

Scorpio October 24-November 22 This week marks the fourth time you've had to fake your own death and relocate; a feat that could have been avoided entirely if only you'd pay for cable.

Sagittarius November 23-December 21 You've joked extensively about your bathroom duties, much to the dismay of your annoyed friends, but you can't help seeing the irony when your new celebrity transport service finds you, quite literally, dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool.

Capricorn December 22- January 20 There's nothing like alerting every Goddamned inmate in your cell block to your presence than dropping a forty lb. bar of soap.

Aquarius January 21-February 19 Its really too bad you've developed the reputation as a pathological lier, because no matter how amazing, no one is going to believe your story about you and Shaft beating the shit out of twenty corrupt cops and eluding arrest because you are two baaaadaaaasss motherfuckers.

Pisces February 20-March 20 Your lack of job, weak chin, beer gut, stained sweatpants, affinity for all things Pokemon, and your failures in general are publicly rubbed in your face again this year as once again, People magazine passes you up for Sexiest Man Alive.


havenbliss 44F

12/1/2005 5:15 pm

1) Thanks for using my photo on your blog *wink*

2) LOL These were some good ones, even better reading then just being told.

3) If you give me a yucky horoscope, I know where you live and I will come beat you..on second though, if it is bad I WONT come beat you!


PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
12/1/2005 5:15 pm

Ok, a) I'm a woman and b) I hate Pokémon...

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/2/2005 6:12 pm

I'm going out tonight. I'll respond with your personal readings maybe later tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, keep posting comments. See ya all soon.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 9:46 am

Havenbliss, you seem to be making a lot of BIG demands, so here is a horoscope that should suit your personality. Enjoy, Your Highness.

Personal Reading For Havenbliss

Virgo August24-September23Your new position at work has given you the reputation as a ruthless backstabber who will stop at nothing to get ahead. The consensus is that you have taken things too far with you demanding your own parking space, calling meetings whenever you feel like it, and verbally belittling employees. These are just some of the reasons why your co-workers are glad your reign as employee of the month is almost over.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 9:54 am

Sorry, PrincessKarma. My astral abilities must have been off when I did that one for Pisces, but to make up for it, here is a reading that is female oriented and has nothing to do with Pokemon.

Personal Reading For PrincessKarma

Pisces February 20-March 20Your girls night out takes a weird turn when a bout of high spirits finds you and your friends sitting on Santa's lap this month and discovering that he has Jack Daniels on his breath and a hard on...just like when you were six.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 10:01 am

Hi 1BBL, since you like to write about your wild and free streaking and partying of yore, here's one that takes you back to your college days.

Personal Reading For 1BigBeautifulLayIts not exactly the job position you would have inagined for yourself as a member of the college student council, but you have to admit that "Staff Chief of Joints" did have a pretty nice ring to it.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 10:08 am

Hi 1BBL, since you like to write about your wild streaking and partying days of yore, here's one that takes you back to your college days. Enjoy.

Personal Reading For 1BigBeautifulLay

Virgo August24-September 23 Its not exactly the job position you would have imagined for yourself as a member of the college student council, but you have to admit that "Staff Chief of Joints" did have a pretty nice ring to it.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 10:13 am

Is anyone having trouble posting your comments on this post? I usually get more comments than this.

When I have a hard time posting a comment, I usually hit the Back button, then re-post again. It will tell you there is an error in the 3 digit number, so retype whatever number they give you...then repeat. This usually works for me after about the second or third time. If you are still having trouble, comment to me on my profile, then I will post a personal crass reading for you here.


MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
12/3/2005 9:52 pm

Accident? What accident? That's it, I'm hiding under the bed for the whole of December, to avoid losing a limb... Damn! The bed collapsed. There go my legs... Damn your horoscope for being right! OK, where are the amputee fetishists?


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 11:22 pm

hmmmm...travelling all over Japan, eh? well, here's one for you.

Personal Reading For MyNaughtyNic

Capricorn December 22-January 20th. Thanks to your upcoming travels, you'll be unhappy to find out that just three minutes away from your German fisting pornos will become your own personal living hell.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 11:33 pm

Katey...thanks for getting me back on track with the blog problem. You know...If I advertised myself with a stain on my pants, I think the effect would be a lot dofferent from yours, but since you pull it off so well here is a special reading for you.

Personal Reading for SensuallyKaty

Aries March21-April20 You've been successful in attracting men and women alike with that sultry, suggestive little stain in your jeans for quite some time now...but this week, it will be the stain that appears on the backside of your pants that will be your downfall.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 11:44 pm

Tipadee, I'm sorry your horoscopes have all been male oriented thus far. To make up for it, here is a special one for you.

Personal Reading For Tipadee

Capricorn December 22-January 20You can be the best at everything you do. You could succeed beyond your wildest imagination. The world could be all yours...if only you didn't lose blood to the head and pass out every time you spring a freaky-big hard on.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 11:51 pm

MissAnnThrope...since you're such a misanthrope, here is a special reading just for you.

Personal Reading For MissAnnThrope

Cancer June 22-July 23 You'll come to the conclusion this week that some people are just no good no matter what kind of sauce you marinate them in.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/3/2005 11:52 pm

MissAnnThrope...since you're such a misanthrope, here is a special reading just for you.

Personal Reading For MissAnnThrope

Cancer June 22-July 23 You'll come to the conclusion this week that some people are just no good no matter what kind of sauce you marinate them in.


craptoast 40M

12/4/2005 6:55 am

hit me.


HORNYVIKING722 45M
1023 posts
12/4/2005 10:53 am

*LMAO while picking corn from my toothy grin* You were almost right on with mine, Though it was not about cable, it was a silly misunderstanding over child support with yet another of my babymamas. I can't help it, I'm the exact description of the Rasta Man in Michner's Carribean. Well, except for all that hair and accent and ethnicity and............


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 11:32 am

craptoast...this one is for running over my foot with your limo

Personal Reading For Craptoast

Sagittarius November23- December21 As fate would have it, you couldn't pay off your gambling debts in a timely fashion and the goons are coming for you. On a good note, you can't help but admire the cavernous and comfortable trunk space of the new 2006 Cadillac CTS V-series Luxury Edition Sedan.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 11:46 am

Viking, thanks for coming out to see me! A little trouble with your BabyMammas, huh? Yeah, you and Screamin' Jay Hawkins both. He has 75 kids. Anyway, since I'm on the topic of cars, here is one for you.

Personal Reading For HornyViking722

Scorpio October 24-November 22 Due to circumstances beyond your control, you will soon become all too familiar with the front grill and suspension system of the '84 Buick Skylark.

Its not as classy as the car Craptoast will deal with...but then again, you're not as classy either.


havenbliss 44F

12/4/2005 11:58 am

Hey, have you been reading my company emails again? That is the last time I look at my work mail at your house!


caressmewell 54F

12/4/2005 2:32 pm

OK, I try this..


expatbrit49 64M

12/4/2005 5:07 pm

Sheesh everyone always picks on the fishies

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 6:49 pm

BigGirlz...thanks for being so sweet, darling. We both like to read, so here is one for you.

Personal Reading For BigGirlzRSweet

Gemini May 22-June 21 While your new town library may be an architectural and technological marvel, you'll find that its just another place for homeless guys to take a dump and snore like a son of a bitch.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 7:01 pm

Caress, thanks for coming out to see me, I really appreciate it.

Personal Reading For Caressmewell

Aries March21-April20 Important life decisions should be left only between you and Jesus (or whoever your lord may be) and not form horoscopes...but if you must follow the advice of a long-haired, misunderstood prophet, then keep wearing those thongs, cuz thats what AtomicDaddy likes!


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 7:09 pm

lioness...oh, it gets bad...really bad

Personal Reading For Lioness860

Leo July24-August23 Your popularity escalates this week and your name is being said everywhere you turn, thanks to some candid party photos taken recently. The only explanation you can offer to the pictures of you pissing in your own face is...it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

thanks for stopping by, hope to see you again soon.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/4/2005 7:19 pm

expatbrit, thanks for coming out to see me. As I consider you one of the "popular kids at school" and I'm an "AV geek", it means a lot that you're here.

Personal Reading For Expatbrit49

Pisces February20-March20 You should have invested in a pair of boxer shorts, my friend. It will be a long and painful ambulance ride as you somehow will manage to get both frank and beans caught in that Goddamned zipper of yours.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/5/2005 12:30 pm

Personal Reading For XTheJesterX

Aquarius January21-February19 Your love of the movie The Shining has made it so that you could never date another Wendy. She didn't find you quoting "I don't want to hurt you, Wendy, I just want to bash your face in" while splitting her door with an ax very amusing at all.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/5/2005 7:25 pm

Sil, welcome to the party...I was wondering when you'd finally make it, so, here is a good one for you.

Personal Reading For Silhouette2005

Gemini May22-June21 During a seemingly harmless party game this weekend you will uncover an alarming discovery; that through six degrees of seperation, Kevin Bacon can be linked to Al-Qaeda.


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/6/2005 11:21 pm

wildcat, thanks for coming out to see me

Personal Reading For Wild3cat

Scorpio October24-November22 Watching celebrities live the good life on TV has always made you feel terrible about your own mediocre standard of living; after all, you have no idea where to score some sweet, sweet Columbian blow, nor the $1000 a night whore to snort it off of.


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
12/8/2005 8:24 am

good 2 c all was restored ....


AtomicArtist0 46M
6015 posts
12/8/2005 10:52 pm

Goddess...yes, all was restored nicely. Thanks for helping out and thanks for coming out to see me, now, at the risk of angering the all powerful Gods, here is a reading just for you.

Personal reading for GoddessOfTheDawn

Virgo August24-September23 You have no idea how you'll get wrapped up in all this, but the end result will include a cat named Trixie, a pile of money, and pissed off phone calls at all hours of the night from Dolph Lundgren.


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
12/9/2005 9:26 am

gawd, cudn't u have chosen someone other than Dolph Lundgren.... I can live with Trixie I guess....

LMAO


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