Play separately or together?  

Alenadhal 65M/60F
9 posts
6/4/2006 12:48 pm

Last Read:
5/14/2007 5:31 pm

Play separately or together?

In many of the profiles on AdultFriendFinder, you see “only play together” or “can play separately”. Seems pretty straightforward and simple. But ask three couples to define “together” or “separately”, and I would bet that you could come up with three (or six!) definitions for each.

In very basic terms, I see “together” as “we are participating in this activity right now, at the same time, in the same place”. But even that simple definition can be torn apart. Define “place”. So Mr. & Mrs. A walk into the party together at the house. They are in the house together. Things start getting playful. Will he and she stay in the same room? And if so, with they be with the same couple? If they are in the same room but he’s playing with Mrs. B and she’s playing with Mr. and Mrs. C, are Mr. and Mrs. A still “together”?

For us, I would say, generally, that my hubby and I play “together”. But there have been times when we have been separated from each other at the house party or lifestyle dance, each involved in our own pursuits, and this is fine. I know that for some, that would be defined more as “separately”.

I guess I have a more literal definition of “separate”. I think of it as, “I’m going off to have a rendezvous with someone/s without my husband”. He is not going to attend this meeting with me, he’s not involved with it in any way, other than to hear all about it when I get home! He’s probably at work or something when this occurs.

Now, if people say they play separately, there could be a myriad of ways that could be done. Will either one go off and meet up with someone completely new without the partner? Or, would separate play be defined as “ok” only with a person/couple that had previously been cleared by both?

As with all aspects of swinging, there has to be agreement between the partners beforehand as to what the ground rules are, otherwise, I think you’d be asking for trouble. That’s my humble opinion. What about you?


rm_Luvtwosee 64M/59F
9 posts
6/4/2006 6:45 pm

I do think that the definitions of "separate" vs. "together" vary greatly from couple to couple. For some, no separate play just means that both members of the couple need to be occupied with sexual activity at the same time ... not necessarily in the same room. For others, together means same room play. And I imagine there is every variety in-between. We've met a number of folks who say that same room play with their spouse is "distracting", that they cannot concentrate. To each their own.

At this time we prefer being together in the same room for play. We've tried the separate and while sexually it works fine we don't like being apart from each other. A part of the turn on for us is seeing the other person in sexual pleasure. We want to share the experiences in vivo ... not just by stories later on in the evening or day.

Agreements before hand are helpful. However, we have found ourselves in situations where the agreements we made beforehand were disregarded by us due to the circumstances we found ourselves in. We've learned from those situations and I am certain will continue to learn what our niche is in this lifestyle.


seekingothers269 57M/49F
86 posts
10/28/2006 11:02 pm

We also play only together and in the same room.. doesn't have to be with the same couple (for instance when we are in a group party) but we are i nteh same room, not off somewhere else. And never play apart. Oooops, wrong, I have at times played with a female that is in our group but with the permission of our husbands. They dont feel threatened with two females for some reason!!


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