What to say to a telemarketer!  

AlbertPrince 59M
4459 posts
9/18/2005 5:02 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What to say to a telemarketer!

One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me.

The call was from TELEWEST, and it went something like this:

Al: Hello

TELEWEST: Hello, this is TELEWEST....

Al: Is this TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: Yes, this is TELEWEST....

Al: This is TELEWEST?


Al: Is this TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: YES! This is TELEWEST. May I speak to Mr. Prince please?

Al: May I ask who is calling?


Al: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I started to eat my dinner. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Al: Hello?

TELEWEST: Is this Mr. Prince?

Al: May I ask who is calling please?

TELEWEST: Yes, this is TELEWEST....

Al: Is this TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: Yes, this is TELEWEST....

Al: This is TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: Yes, is this Mr. Prince?

Al: Yes, is this TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: Yes, sir.

Al: The phone company?

TELEWEST: Yes, sir.

Al: I thought you said this was TELEWEST.

TELEWEST: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Al: I already have a phone.

TELEWEST: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Prince.

Al: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

TELEWEST: Mr. Prince, we would like to offer you 3 pence a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 3 pence a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Al: Now, that's 3 pence a minute 24 hours a day?

TELEWEST: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Al: 7 days a week?

TELEWEST: That's right.

Al: 365 days a year?

TELEWEST: Yes, sir.

Al: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!!

TELEWEST: We think so!

Al: That's quite a sum of money!

TELEWEST: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Al: OK, so will you send me cheques weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full £15,724.80? If you send an annual cheque, can I get a cash advance?

TELEWEST: Excuse me?

Al: You know, the 3 pence a minute.

TELEWEST: What are you talking about?

Al: You said you'd give me 3 pence a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to £43.20 per day, £302.40 per week and £15,724.80 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

TELEWEST: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 3 pence a minute.

Al: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 3 pence a minute? Are you sure this is TELEWEST?

TELEWEST: Well, yes, this is TELEWEST, sir, but....

Al: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 3 pence a minute that I'll give you 3 pence a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the News of the World, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

TELEWEST: No, sir, we are offering 3 pence a minute for....

Al: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!?

TELEWEST: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Al: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?


Al: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

TELEWEST: Yes, Mr. Prince. Please hold.

So, now TELEWEST has me on hold, and my dinner is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Prince?

Al: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 3 pence a minute program.

Al: Id thish TELEWETHT? (Is this TELEWEST)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Al: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Al: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

TELEWEST: Hello, Mr. Prince. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Al: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

TELEWEST: (click)

rm_EE407 42F
3903 posts
9/18/2005 11:13 am

You bad bad boy....

(thinks back to the days I did that kind of work... but can honestly say I never had such a bad bad boy on the other end of the line... )

digdug41 50M

9/18/2005 8:07 pm

lmmfao you are just sick that was great (as he wipes the tears from his eyes)

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

JJKittyKat 60F

9/19/2005 1:19 am

They deserved it! lol but they will be back.... they have your number!!

AlbertPrince 59M

9/19/2005 4:08 am

wetpanty - everyone should try something like this, maybe then they would stop calling.

EE - but I bet you would like a bad boy on the end of your line

digdug - glad you enjoyed, come back soon

JJ - unfortunately they do.

rm_EE407 42F
3903 posts
9/19/2005 8:22 am

AP... that I would...

AlbertPrince 59M

9/19/2005 9:49 am

*must practice being bad .... must practice being bad*

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