FEELING DEATH.  

634694u 48M
257 posts
10/1/2005 7:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

FEELING DEATH.


The shovel chipped-up a nugget of my past today that I would like to share.

When I was a boy, maybe ten years old or so, I rode the bumpy, forty-five minute school bus ride home as usual. On this day however, I was given a surprise. My mother's friend Susan gave her a little blue-eyed blue-healer puppy to give to me!

I grew-up on a small farm in north-eastern Colorado, We had other dogs running around but Kacy was my new buddy. When I jumped off that school bus and ran down the driveway the little gray and white puppy stumbled in the grass, then excitedly ran towards me, jumped at my shins and circled around me as if she knew who I was. I think she did know.

I scooped her up and carried her back to the house and asked my mother who's puppy it was. My mother said "she's all yours." I smiled and then ran outside to play. Kacy and I rolled and played in the front yard for hours. I'd lay down on the grass and let her jump all over me and bite my ears like puppies do. Later that night my new friend an I went out to check some fences, she followed along in the grass and every once in a while, she would stop and sniff, then run side-saddle back to me with a funny little smirky grin on her chops. It was one of the best days of my life. Innocent children and puppies, life doesn't get much better.

I spent hour after with her training her to sit and all that stuff but she didn't care. I didn't force the issue either, she was a cow-dog anyway, no need for proper form. after a few months she became a good helper as well because when the horses or cattle needed to be brought in, she sprang into action. In my entire life I have never seen a dog run so fast, heard animals one hundred times her weight, and all without fear or concern for her own well being like my Kacy.

The years past and the one thing I could always count on was my dog. She would always run out to meet me when I jumped-off the bus or drove home in my Mustang. She was always there for me,always. Through the girlfriends, family feuds and the worst that life could offer. She was always there for me. This dog slept at the foot of my bed every night for eleven years. If she heard a noise, she bark and puff-up giving warning to anyone wanting to bring me harm-even my father!

The little feisty pooch did have a few bad habits. Chewing on rocks was one! I spent countless hours picking-up rocks from the yard that she would dig-up. By the time she aged a bit, her teeth looked like the jangled ruins of an ancient cave. She also loved to splash in the water by the barns after it rained. There was only one problem with that, half the time the barn areas were being raked out and covered with horse manure. This dog would literally run about forty yards at full speed and dive into the nature-made sess-pool! Dive-in is and understatement, she would skid all the way across! I washed that dog so many times it's not even funny. Remember, she slept on MY bed.

Shortly after I turned twenty-two, my parents sold the farm and moved into town. The third day after moving was the first time I really got to understand how cruel life can be. The months previous to this day were painful and maybe even a little unfair but I was on my way to recovering from breaking-up with my high-school sweetheart of five years, crashed my completely restored 1965 mustang, switched jobs only to find out that Coors had overhired and had to return to work with my father building aluminum semi trailers. The only problem with the job change was that my insurance had expired from the job with my father when I went to Coors. Two days after returning to work with my father, my appendix had to be removed and I had no insurance to help. The last thing I needed was to lose my best friend.

I came home from work that day and Kacy did not come to greet me, this wasn't a big worry because sometimes she was outside chewing rocks and didn't hear me over the crunching sounds. I called to her but got no response. I strolled through the house and found her at the foot of my bed with her head resting in her forelegs. only her eyes moved to acknowledge me. I slowly approached her and knew what was wrong. she was drooling all-over herself and the bed-her kidneys betrayed her.

I sat next to her and stroked her head and tried to ease her pain, after one grows-up on a farm you learn to feel death. You learn to feel when you call the vet or just let things be. I knew letting things be was best. She died in my arms about an hour later with the same smirky smile on her face she had the day I got her. she lived well.

After I collected her in a blanket I drove over to a friends house that had a farm.I picked a spot under a large tree. I dug and dug in the hard ground until I felt safe she would not be disturbed. I remember feeling like I was digging underwater, everything was blurry from my non-stop tears. I laid her in the ground gently and began covering the hole. About half way through I grabbed the shovel and shoved it into the ground. with both hands on the top of the handle I looked up to God and yelled "You take everything from me!!!"

I really can't say that I remember finishing the burial but on the way home I realized that "The BIG Man" didn't take her from me, he brought her to me.

Goodnight.

okyme 54F

10/1/2005 11:58 pm

That was the saddest and sweetist story...I totally know what you went through as I have to put my lab of 14 yrs. down.


634694u 48M

10/2/2005 2:30 pm

You give me nothing to cry about. Thank you for being there for me as I travel this road of discovery. If the world were full of people like you, We would all be better off. Thanks again buddy!


634694u 48M

10/2/2005 6:32 pm

As long as the memories of our current time are forever in your heart, you will only miss this shell that I inhabit. I'm fine, I really just needed some time to work and clear the cobwebs. I'll call you later. Stop worrying, your still my little clown!


rm_Synn74 43F
1206 posts
10/19/2005 6:54 pm

darn you... you made me cry.. my best friend is a 15 yr old mutt that I got from my first love at 18 she is like my child.. she is truly my best bud..the day she passes will be the hardest day next to the death of my father..

thank you for sharing such a sweet story..



I welcome you to the House of Syn...


frbnkslady 49F
6183 posts
11/20/2005 2:17 pm

I am in tears as I try to write this. I lost my cat almost 2 yrs ago. She just up and disappeared. We never knew what happened. Either an owl, moose or a dog.. will never know. I still stop by the shelter to see IF.....
She was my second child.. T

T




frbnkslady 49F
6183 posts
11/20/2005 2:19 pm

I am in tears as I try to write this. I lost my cat almost 2 yrs ago. She just up and disappeared. We never knew what happened. Either an owl, moose or a dog.. will never know. I still stop by the shelter to see IF.....
She was my second child..
Now we have a dog, actually a horse disguised as a dog...lol
My sons first dog.. and son is 19...But he is such a character and I have grown to love him just as much...and he loves water just as much as your Kacy did.. I know have to lock my bathroom door...
I will cry and miss them both when son moves out soon. T

T




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