Waiting for Me  

2daycowboywanted 46F
866 posts
7/26/2006 9:30 am

Last Read:
7/27/2006 7:07 am

Waiting for Me

Vacation time is something that we all look forward to. Something that is a change from everyday stress. I recently went back to a small town outside of the state for a family reunion. I would go back to the town almost every summer - since my family was from there so I know most of the elders and a few people my own age.

To my surprise when I showed up in town, after the reunion, I got a call from an old friend. Took me a while to figure out who was on the other end of the phone, but once I did I knew that I had to see him. I wasnt going to be in town long - 2 days at the most - so my time was limited. We set a lunch date at the local (only) diner in town. Got up the morning of the lunch date, showered, got dressed - and this is where things got complicated: do I wear shorts, a mini shirt, jeans or slacks? Do I put on a lot of makeup as if I was going out at night or should I just be casual? Should I wear heels or wear flats? I am thinking all of this and pondering what I just exactly should I do when it popped into my head - why am I acting so crazy? Its not like I like the guy - or that I am dating him - hell I havent seen him in five years he is married and has three kids!

Well, I gathered my thoughts, finished getting ready and walked up to the local diner. My heart was pounding because I knew when I opened the door I was bound to get stares since I didnt belong in the town. A stranger of sorts. I opened the door, walked right in and I knew immediately all eyes were on me. I scanned the room and of course I didnt see him - crap! I hate sitting alone much less with a bunch of people who are going to ask you who the hell you are and where you are from since you have an accent. Now what - I am thinking - you gotta move just cant stand here all day. I was about to walk to an empty table when he spoke - he was behind me. I turned and our eyes met and all the sudden everyone in the room disappeared and I was in high school again with the biggest crush I had had since 3rd grade when I got my heart broken. I smiled and moved to hug him. Great smelling, nice and tall, good and firm - my mind was racing and the hands were sweating. We exchanged hellos and all and he mentioned that we get out of the diner, since everyone was staring and after all I have a wife he joked. Damn! I forgot!

We walk outside and he mentions that he packed us a lunch and we should go for a picnic out on the old bridge. This is where we use to sneak off and drink beer from our parents when we were in high school. Sure - why not - and I get him to myself (my brain is whirling). Lunch was eaten in the back of his pick up truck sitting on the tail gate. Good thing I didnt get too dressed up. Oh - ended up wearing my bikini top and a mini skirt with flats. Of course, I had to be a tad bit fashionable and wore a bling shirt over the bikini top tied at the belly button. And since the belly button is peirced I had changed the ring to match the bikini top.

We chatted for hours - like nothing had ever stopped us from being in touch with one another and then the dreaded "family photos" came out. Great - pretend you are fine with the fact that he has three kids and a wife - my brain is telling me even though the lower half of my body is screaming for him to touch me. Out come the photos of the kids - humm, no wife. Should I say something? Should I play dumb? Should I act like I dont know? I cant think fast enough. As if old times never stopped - and he answered my question - we are divorced. Well not offically, but good enough. She lives in another town with the kids and I see them every other weekend. Huge smile - Yes, I can kiss him!! This day is great!

We pack lunch up and decide to see which one is going to be the bigger chicken and not jump off the bridge. Old times - we hold hands and both jump together. There are tons of things going on in my mind - things that I want to say but never have. Things that I need to tell him, but I never got to. Or do I just keep quiet and not say at all. The water is cold - and feels great. We are laughing and dunking each other running around like a group of teenagers just like we did when we were younger. Things are wonderful.

The day is getting late and we should probably go. Its sad to think that it has to end. He must of been reading my mind - dang I hate when he does that. That should be outlawed! He leans in to kiss me - and somehow things arent going off. No fireworks, no slow burning feeling in the stomach. No aching in the lower body parts. Wait - we need to do that again. We kiss again and still nothing. What happened? Where did the chemistry go?? Then I look around - I'm grown now, the bridge has fallen apart and there really isnt anything that is so great around here. He has grown up - things have changed. The scars where we climbed the fence and got hung up in the barb wire are still matching. The face is the same but a bit aged. The hands that roamed my body so long are the same but now they are a bit more rugged and worn.

My thoughts must of been all over my face or he was still reading my mind because he laughed and said he agreed. Things dont stay the same. People change things change. He knew that he had moved on and wanted to see if I had moved on. Sadly enough - I had. I care for him deeply and always will but I am not longer waiting for him and sadly enough he is no longer waiting on me.

Some things last a life time - some things dont. He will still probably be the love of my life, but I can move on now. The vacation was a release - a release that I so desperately needed because it made me realize all the things that i had been doing wrong and hoping for. I am a better person now!

roper_6969 56M

7/26/2006 6:30 pm

It sounds to me as though you are going through a journey of self discovery. Everyone needs to travel that road from time to time. I hope your journey leads you to a place where you are truly, deeply happy.

Kisses Cowgirl,

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