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The VBC  

rockwriter58 63M
1038 posts
1/27/2006 10:35 am

Last Read:
12/1/2010 8:51 am

The VBC

In a deep voice an announcer intones: “And now the Virtual Broadcasting Corporation... the VBC presents its premiere coverage of Super Bowl XL.”

Theme music with trumpets and timpanis booms. An image of the legendary football coach dissolves into full form in a ghostly way on the screen. The black and white footage has him addressing his team:


“I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle -- victorious.”

And then he turns to the camera and says:

Are you ready for some football?!!!

*All bloggers appear with their expressed written permission.

(For full game coverage, proceed inside.)



rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:38 am

The Pre-Game

Guitars, keyboards and drums all blast forward with a familiar song.

♬ Well it's Sunday night and we're ready to rock! ♬
Time to get all the hits, the bangs and the blocks.
It's the game of the year that's comin' your way.
The Steelers and the Seahawks are ready to play.
We gotta get ready, we gotta get right.
Cause Super Sunday kicks off tonight!

Sound effects punctuate the music and shots of extremely violent football hits are spliced into the musical number.

♬ So get ready. I mean, get ready. ♬

More hits and sound effects erupt.

♬ Are you ready for some football?! A Sunday night party! ♬

We've got [blog dz2502] and Rock at the mic.
They're gonna get it kick started.
The crew's all set. The crowd is psyched.
♬ Cause all my rowdy friends are back on Super Sunday Night! ♬

Welcome everyone to the Virtual Broadcasting Corporation’s first broadcast ever! We open with coverage of Super Bowl XL. I’m Rocky and with me is our able analyst [blog dz2502]. We’ve already heard the national anthem, so let’s go right to our expert. What can you tell us about these two teams, [blog dz2502]?

dz2502 Well, Rocky, I’m expecting a match for the ages. Who wouldn’t be? This is the Super Bowl! Every game is of course an instant classic. I think it will all boil down to what I’ve been saying all season: the team that tackles the best will win.

Tell us about the Seahawks. Why are they at the big dance?

dz2502 Well, first there’s most-valuable player Shaun Alexander who won the rushing title this year. And then there’s that bald quarterback they have, Matt Hasselbeck, whose head shines like a mirror. Too bad he doesn’t play without a helmet, he’d be able to blind the defenders with the glare.

And the Steelers, what about them?

dz2502 Well, the Steelers are the sentimental favorites. They of course have Jerome “The Bus” Bettis whose parents go to every one of his games and this is one of the few times he’s played in his hometown of Detroit. And they have one of the league’s rising stars Ben “Big Ben” Roethlisberger.

Alright, so there you have it. Now, let’s go down to the field for the coin toss. And this year, for the first time the two coaches will be calling the toss. As we can see, the coaches are already at midfield shaking hands.

mi_mwpm May the best team win, Coach Mike.

TomEboy10 Oh, so you are already conceding, Coach Bill?

mi_mwpm Don’t try any of those fancy West Coast Grunge City tricks Coach Mike. We play it straight and hard in old Pittsburgh.

TomEboy10 Back up. Just don’t spit on me like you do everyone else when you get excited, Coach Bill. I have to say, you are nothing like I imagined. Where is that jutting chin you usually have? And aren’t you a little cold out here in your underwear?

mi_mwpm The next thing you’ll tell me is I’m confused and upside down.

TomEboy10 Well, yes, but no more so than your defense will be when we get done with you.

mi_mwpm Well, you aren’t what I expected either? You’re just a pair of floating glasses. Where’s the mustache? Where’s the rest of your waddling walrus body?

TomEboy10 Them’s fightin’ words!

Well, this is another first! The head coaches have to be separated before coming to blows at the coin toss. But it looks like Seattle has won the toss and will recieve. And we’ll be right back with the kickoff after this commercial break.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:42 am

The First Quarter

After three minutes of commercials, the game begins

Seattle begins the game at its 20. Hasslebeck is under center. Alexander in the backfield.

dz2502 This is an important series to set the tone for the game. The Seahawks have the second best offense in the league this year, going against the fourth rated defense of the Steelers. So its strength versus strength.

Hasselbeck is back to pass... but oh... sacked by a furious Steelers’ blitz....

Later... after a four minute commercial break....

Coach Bill has his team huddled up and chanting on the sidelines. So after a three and out for the Seahawks, now Pittsburgh has the ball.

dz2502 The real question for this series is: “Has Big Ben learned from his rookie mistakes of last year?”

On first down, Big Ben with a play-action fake to Willy Parker. He’s going long. Hines Ward is open downfield. Roethlisberger hits him for a 25 yard gain.

dz2502 “If the Steelers can have Big Ben and the running game... it could be a picnic in the park.”

It appears the Steelers are dipping right into that picnic basket early as Willy Parker scampers around the edge for a seven yard gain. In the initial going the Steelers seem to be hitting on all cylinders.

dz2502 “Now, I have a question, how good is the Seahawk defense?” The Steelers seem to be rolling through them much like they did the Broncos two weeks ago.

Big Ben is back to pass again on second down. He’s airing it out. Tight end Heath Miller is uncovered. Miller gathers in the pass and its an easy and early six for the Steelers.

Later... during a five minute commercial break...

dz2502 Have you noticed that collection of all-star cheerleaders down on the sidelines?

Have I? I’ve had my binoculars on that Ravens cheerleader. She has the most bewitching smile.

dz2502 I didn’t think you were looking at her smile.

We’re back. The VBC’s coverage of Super Bowl XL continues with the Steelers now up seven to nothing. The Steelers and Seahawks line up for the kick. And ... oh... a surprise... Coach Bill has called for an onside kick in the first quarter. And the Steelers recover on the Seahawks 40.

TomEboy10 Cheap shot, Coach Bill!

mi_mwpm Take that walrus face!

Later... after a six minute commercial break...

The Steelers are at the three yard line with a second and goal. They give the ball to The Bus for the sixth time on this drive and he’s over for another touchdown.

dz2502 Who would have expected this? So far all the offense has been for the Steelers. A classic drive for them. Almost all running plays, consuming more than six minutes on the clock. And the first quarter is almost over while the Seahawks have barely had the ball.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:43 am

Intermission

During a seven minute commercial break between quarters...

dz2502 Whatever happened to our sideline reporter for this show?

I told you she wouldn’t show up because that’s a lesser job. She should be in the booth with us.

dz2502 You never said any such thing. All the women on these shows are on the sideline. And that’s where they belong. Besides, I thought she didn’t come because Joe Gibbs and his team didn’t make the Super Bowl.

I don’t think it had anything to do with that. I do think we missed our chance to be a network with something different, a real broadcast team for football with both genders. Not those glorified gopher jobs on the sideline.

dz2502 No one cares about that stuff. So have another Heineken and enjoy the game.

You never did explain to me why your beer isn’t Molson?

dz2502 It’s all in the hops.

I think that Ravens’ cheerleader is waving at me.

dz2502 It’s your imagination. They get paid to wave at everyone.

I’m going to wave at her.

dz2502 Go ahead. Make a fool of yourself. She’s not going to see you. Do you know how many people are waving in the stands? The next thing you’ll tell me is she’s winking at you and you can see that.

I do think she sees me. I’m going to motion her to come up to the booth.

dz2502 Please don’t tell me you are going to invite her to broadcast the game.

We’ll see.

dz2502 Yeah, we’ll see in your dreams. You know if you paid less attention to eye candy and more to the game we’d both do a better job.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:46 am

The Second Quarter

We’re back with the VBC’s coverage of Super Bowl XL. The Steelers lead the Seahawks as the second quarter begins, 14 to nothing.

dz2502 Rock, the Seahawks need to get moving soon or the Steelers will put this game away early. I think they need to give the ball to MVP Shaun Alexander. “Alexander wants... a new big fat contract...” and getting Seattle back in the game is his way to earn it.

TomEboy10 My 15 play script isn’t working against these guys. I’m throwing away the game plan. Shaun, you are going to have to pound the rock for us to get back in this game.

Later... during an eight minute commercial break....

Dysgyzed Hello, boys. It took me awhile to get through security but here I am.

dz2502 And you are....?

Dysgyzed Look, I saw your partner waving. I think he’s the one who really wants the introduction.

dz2502 And couldn’t that wait until after the game?

Why wait? Typical Super Bowl. One team starts to blow out the other. Coaches start to make the wrong decisions early. It will all be over by halftime. There are better things to do.

Dysgyzed I’ll say. I’ve had enough of those goody-goody girls on the sidelines. I brought a bottle of Makers up with me. How about some shots with a beer chase?

dz2502 We do have a game to call here.

Haven’t you figured out yet, it is all about the commercials. We’re superfluous. Tell you what, I’ll be back later. Those shots sound like a good idea. And I like your sexy and sardonic grin.

Dysgyzed How about we head to the cheerleader’s dressing room? Nobody should be there until after the half.

dz2502 If you do leave... just don’t take all the Heineken. And are you really going to leave me to call the game by myself?

Don’t worry... it seems an old friend has been waiting just outside the booth. Maybe he’ll sit in while I’m gone.

And now we’re back with second quarter action. After a Bettis fumble, the Seahawks are in Steelers territory. It doesn’t look good for my favorite team.

dz2502 I thought you were just here to sing the theme song and national anthem.

As you may know, I am a man of many talents.... Speaking of which... do you think the network can swing it to let me sing a duet with Mick during halftime? Ohhhh... sorry... it seems I missed part of the action. Alexander is weaving through the Steelers now... he’s breaking away from them... what a crazy run... of 35 yards and he scores just as the half ends! What a horrible way to go to halftime.

dz2502 You are such a homer. But I will promise to help you with the Stones if you don’t say anything about that other farcical team you like from the Carolinas.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:49 am

Halftime

After a nine minute commercial break, halftime begins.

Hello, Deee-troit. Please welcome as our halftime guests of honor, the greatest rock ‘n roll band in the world, the Rolling Stones!

The opening chords of “Start Me Up” echo across Ford Field as one of the announcers grumbles off-mic...

dz2502 The Rolling Bones... some entertainment. What is with the NFL and these nostalgia acts? Last year it was Sir Paul... now Sir Mick. How about something contemporary? They might as well have the Grateful Dead here too. And what is the big deal? They’ll sing two or three songs and be done. It’s not like they are giving a real concert.

Meanwhile, in one locker room....

TomEboy10 Men, gather round this board while I diagram some new plays. We are going to throw some wicked play-action at those blitzing fools and get back in this game!

Meanwhile, in another locker room....

mi_mwpm That last second TD was a real let-down men. We can’t afford to cruise in the second half. I have some ideas about some different run-blitzes which should stop ‘em.

Meanwhile, in yet another dressing room....

Mmmmmm... that Makers hits the spot.

Dysgyzed I’ve got another spot you can hit.

Really? I was hoping you were the aggressive type.

Dysgyzed You have no idea. Come over here and find out.

In the background, the chords of “Satisfaction” can be heard pounding through the stadium.

I do believe you’ve lost your panties between the field and here. And I would have noticed before with all those high kicks you were doing.

Dysgyzed Let’s just say that’s my own version of a wardrobe malfunction. Now, you are about to find out just how flexible these legs can be. I hope you’re ready honey, because I am. So now you are about to get my version of the three-G’s.

The three G’s?

Dysgyzed That’s where I grab your goodies, grin my sexy grin close to your face, and grind. Goodies, grin and grind. Works everytime. Now let me get you unzipped.

How about a fourth G? Be gentle?

Dysgyzed Darlin’ there’s no gentle in this girl. And you are about to find that out. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Now, let me get you down on the floor. That’s right. Hold on because here it comes.

Oh. My. God. Slippery and tight. My two favorite words during sex.

Dysgyzed Hold on Sugahhhhhhhhhhh! I’m going to ride you until I cuhhhhhhhhhhm!

Meanwhile, back on stage....

Sir Mick, the VBC has arranged time for an additional song before we get back to the game. As the author of the book, The Rolling Stones In BlogLand I think I’m uniquely qualifiied to help you sing this last tune. Let’s bring Stevie Wonder up here for the hometown Mo-Town crowd... now... I know you guys played this with Bowie a while back. How about a little Martha and the Vandellas?

The Stones, Stevie Wonder, and BlogLand’s Singing Publisher jam on “Dancing in the Streets” to close out halftime.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:51 am

Third Quarter

After a ten minute commercial break, the third quarter begins.

dz2502Welcome back to the VBC’s coverage of Super Bowl XL. I’m [blog dz2502]. We are hoping our co-host Rocky rejoins us shortly as the Seahawks got themselves back in this game just before halftime. The score is 14 to 7 and we’ve still got a lot of football to play. We’ll see what the Steelers can do as we begin the second half.

TomEboy10 Alright men, we’ll show them our own blitz package now and stop these guys cold so we can get the offense back on the field.

Later....

dz2502 And it’s three and out for the Steelers who will be forced to punt.

That’s not the way this half should have started.

dz2502 Look, if you are going to help announce this game then you have to stop pulling for one team.

I’ll bet your pal has a favorite too. I’m going to ask him when he gets back.

dz2502 If he gets back.... Uh-oh... what’s this? It’s a double-reverse pass! The Seahawks have slipped Seneca Wallace their second team quarterback into the game and he’s heaving a bomb downfield! Joe Jurevicius gathers it in. And it looks like we are headed to a tie ballgame.

Disaster!

dz2502 What did I tell you? Look, you got to sing with the Stones like you asked, so be good, will you.

Dysgyzed You know, that’s just what Rocky said to me downstairs. And I assure you I was very, very good.

dz2502 Well, it is about time. You left almost an hour ago.

Dysgyzed I know... a quickie. But there’s always more time after the game.

dz2502 Well, Rock what have you got to say for yourself.

I’m not sure I can talk. I’ve been fucked senseless. What have we missed?
dz2502Well, just one of the most exciting Super Bowls so far. It is all tied up now. Oh, and it looks like a surprise onside kick and the Seahawks recover!

So just who were you pulling for Rock?

The Steelers.

dz2502 Oh, No! The Dreaded Kiss of Death!!! {=}


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:54 am

Fourth Quarter

The Seahawks go on to kick a field goal and after various long commercial breaks and defensive stands, the final quarter begins.

We start the third quarter with the Seahawks ahead 17 to 14. The Seahawks are driving and after another ramble by Shaun Alexander, they are down to the Steeler 25.

dz2502 “What did I say... about the art of tackling?????” That could be the doom for the Steelers today. They need to learn something from rugby players. Attack the knees and wrap-up.

Dysgyzed That sounds like a nice start.

dz2502 If your new girlfriend is going to sit here, please ask her to restrain herself.

Dysgyzed I’m afraid that’s impossible.

But the Steelers hold and the Seahawks will have to settle for another field goal. The kick is up.... up... up... and good. Seattle goes out front 20 to 14. It looks like Coach Bill is going to give his players a pep talk while we break away for the next ten minutes for more commercials.

mi_mwpm Jerome, I’m putting the ball in your hands. I want you to think of your parents up there in the stands and win the game for them. Just think... after this... all those chunky soup commercials will be yours. It’ll be your mom prancing around on the sidelines. You’ve got to pull us through, Bus. Think about winning and chunky soup.

Coach Bill, perhaps I could sing some commercial jingles to get your team back in the mood. If they win, they’ll be going to the bank with new endorsements.

TomEboy10 I don’t like the looks of what they are planning over there. Let’s get ready to give them some of their own medicine and blitz them. And what the hell is that singer warbling over there... is that a soup commercial tune?

Well, we are back for the final five minutes of this Super Bowl and the Steelers have the ball on their own 30, down by six points.

dz2502 Right now, the Steelers “look like a soul-less team. Can they bounce back? What happened to their running attack.” I’m predicting their coach will be spitting more than usual as the game comes to a close.

He certainly was letting the spittle fly during that pep talk and impromptu serenade during the commercial break.

dz2502 “The Steelers are not transmitting consistency” this half. Their offense has been confused. Big Ben has not been as successful and the running game has been bottled up. It looks like the Kiss of Death is about to claim another victim.

Well, the Steelers are going back to the ground game. Despite fumbling earlier, Bettis has the ball and bangs out six more yards. The Steelers line is starting to regain control. Bettis has the ball again.... and he breaks through the Seahawks run-blitz. He’s rambling downfield!

Dysgyzed Look it HERE motherfucker... RUN!

dz2502 How is it a Ravens cheerleader wants the Steelers to win?

Dysgyzed If my man is picking the Steelers then so am I. Look at that Bus go!

It looks like she and the Bus are going to break the curse of the Kiss of Death. Bettis scores on an amazing 54 yard run, his longest of the season. And the Steelers win Super Bowl XL by a score of 21 to 20. What a thrilling end. Stay tuned for post-game coverage and the premiere of the new VBC hit series Amadeus.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/27/2006 10:57 am

The Post-Game*

Well, it appears the curse of the Kiss of Death is broken and we have one of the most exciting Super Bowls to thank for that. [blog dz2502]... what’s your game summary.

dz2502 Well, as I said earlier, it all boils down to tackling. Did you see the amazing number of mistackles on that final run? And these guys call themselves professional football players. Also, I have to say the surface at Ford Field is extra fast. “Did you know the turf at Ford Field is made of Ford Explorer recalled tires?” I’ve been waiting all game to tell you that. Impressed?

I’m more impressed with our Ravens cheerleader.

dz2502 She’s a turncoat.

Dysgyzed Well, it’s not you I’ve been trying to impress.

Which I think is our exit line. We have to find a hotel to finish what we started during halftime.

dz2502 And what about the post-game interviews, the champagne, the trophy ceremony?

Dysgyzed He and I can replicate all that and more by ourselves, thank you very much.

dz2502 Well, apparently we do have an interview down in the World Champion Steelers locker room. Take it away.

Coach, tell us the secret of how you won the game.

mi_mwpm Well, of course it was teamwork and all the usual clichés. But I think that inspirational jingle at the end helped.

I have to say Coach Bill, it is a dream come true and Steeler fans all over the world are weeping with joy right now after a long wait.

dz2502 Oh, stop gushing down there. We are joined in the booth now by Coach Mike. Any final words about your incredible last minute choking collapse?

TomEboy10 Don’t count us out next year. And I’ll tell you, I have half a mind to choke you mindless media types. You have no concept of what goes on out there on the field. Actually, as far as I’m concerned... this interview is done.

dz2502 Back to you in the Steelers locker room before I get choked up here!

Thanks! Like all Super Bowls, this one and its coverage have gone on for far too long. So for [blog dz2502], Rocky and the entire VBC production crew, this is The Singing Publisher signing off. Just make sure to stay tuned for the premiere of my new hit drama series, Amadeus. Good night.


* Some quotes from this blogplay are real, and of course, many are fiction.

© ♪rockwriter58♪


NickRules999 46M
9458 posts
1/27/2006 11:51 am

I guess it's too late to run a promo for the upcoming BWA (Blogland Wrestling Alliance) pay-per-view, Blog For The Pin? LOL

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


Sister_Act_4_You 45F/45F

1/29/2006 1:15 am

I'm just feeling too depressed about the fact that the Ravens aren't at the SuperBowl this year....and the Steelers' fans are going to be insufferable for the next several months. Ugh!


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
1/30/2006 7:28 am

>>>Thanks [blog oldman1776]... I suppose I will take my official round of tiny bows now. I’m glad you and others liked it.

>>>Dark Lord Nick... certainly attach any promos you’d like. This post is already over-commercialized, so more will not hurt it. Oh, and did anyone notice that we predicted the Bettis chunky soup connection and apparently we will be seeing one of these at the Super Bowl this weekend? This was written and published before that was announced.

>>>Welcome Louisa to our humble blog boutique... great to have one of the top bloggers visiting. Sorry about the Ravens but those facts were evident for a long time. But great to see several big Ravens fans here enjoying the show. Now I’m thinking we should decide who in BlogLand should make up the virtual Ravens cheerleader squad. Perhaps you would volunteer. Maybe [blog Dysgyzed] would volunteer again. Who knows who else would be worthy of the purple and black.

>>>Yes, [blog dz2502] you have earned a post-game drinking spree with the Penguins cheerleaders. Well, done throughout the season my friend.

>>>Always 3 G’s to you [blog Dysgyzed]... always.


keithcancook 67M
18358 posts
2/1/2006 9:22 am

*chuckling*

Good one rocky! And kudos to you for letting the good guys win. I just love happy endings...

Jeeze! I got to jam with the Stones, Rolling Bones indeed... LMAO! , see a live sex act, sing my team to victory, and promote a new theatre blog to boot!

Well done, dude!

Blog On!


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
2/1/2006 10:39 am

>>>I hope others liked your performance Keith. Perhaps they will nominate you for a BlogLand Oscar. Oh, and I’m glad you liked the screenplay too.

>>>As for [blog SensuallyKatey]... I had no idea she was so intimately involved in football and training the players before the game. Now, if we had done a better job of advertising our Super Bowl coverage, perhaps it all would have worked out differently. I guess we didn’t hype the Hype Bowl enough.


keithcancook 67M
18358 posts
2/1/2006 6:13 pm

It's a Baloney Award winner for certain!


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
2/3/2006 9:33 am

>>>Thank you [blog PrincessKarma] that is high praise... but also a reason that we wrote this in the first place.

>>>Thank you Mr. Publisher... I am honored to be in your company as a fellow Baloney Award winner.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
3/3/2006 7:50 am

>>>I had no idea folks would be back in the backpages enjoying this blogplay/satire. Great to see you here [blog SusieQ27].

I'm sure [blog dz2502] would be honored by those comments. Perhaps Keith would be willing to put him up for a Baloney Award as best actor.

There are various names for a broadcasting booth but I have never heard it called a dugout. In the U.S. that is a term for a place where baseball players sit while waiting to take the field.

Thanks so much for all the high praise. The next time I write one of these I will certainly invite you to be one of the stars. You certainly have the legs for it!


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
3/13/2006 7:21 am

[blog SusieQ27]... you do like these backpages don't you? Well, I suppose your offer would be alright. The game is long over and our dear friend [blog Dysgyzed] seems to have drifted elsewhere. Although your legs all stretched out are quite inviting, you must know I admire your busty top half just a bit more.


rockwriter58 63M
1386 posts
3/14/2006 7:24 am

Dearest [blog SusieQ27]...

I did get your gift. Very scrumptious, I must say.
I do have to warn you though. This spot is a lot more public than you may think. So your virtual goosing will probably be noticed.
I suggest if you want some hanky-panky that you slide deeper into my lair. You have already found a few secluded spots that are far more private. And even those are a long way from the real basement.
As we turn the page, looking forward to one of your visits elsewhere.


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