some new jokes :)  

1LovelyBrunette 42F
313 posts
4/7/2006 4:04 pm

Last Read:
4/8/2006 1:51 pm

some new jokes :)

Ok, before you start reading the first joke I've posted, I will apologize that Im opening the jokes with a "male bashing" kind But OMG was I rolling when I read this the first time. I'm afraid I'll probably be opening up a can of worms with this one, but thats all right, I can take some female jokes. One was shared one time about the men vs. women on the ATM, very funny, I dont think its in my older joke column

CLASSES FOR MEN, TO BE HELD AT YOUR LOCAL ADULT
LEARNING CENTER


Note: Due to the complexity & difficulty level, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

Topic 1 - How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Tray. Step By Step, With Slide Presentation.

Topic 2 - Toilet Paper: Does It Grow On The Holder? Round Table Discussion.

Topic 3 - Is It Possible To Urinate By Lifting The Seat And Avoid Splashing The Floor/Walls And Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice.

Topic 4 - Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper And The Floor. Pictures And Explanatory Graphics.

Topic 5 - Dishes And Silverware: Can They Levitate And Fly Into The Sink? Examples On Video.

Topic 6 - Identity Crisis: Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.Help line Support And Support Groups.

Topic 7 - Learning How To Find Things, Looking In
The Right Place Instead Of Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum with Lab.

Topic 8 - Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics And Audio Tape.

Topic 9 - Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials (may be deleted due to unavailability of any men able to give testimonials)

Topic 10 - Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit
Quietly As She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulation.

Topic 11 - Learning About Life: Basic Differences
Between Mother And Wife. Online Class And Role Playing.

Topic 12 - How To Be The Ideal Shopping Companion. Exercises, Meditation And Breathing Techniques.

Topic 13 - How To Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates And Calling when You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions

Heres something else:

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible .
He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head."This is great," he thought, as he roared down I-75 He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem", thought the man, and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man.
"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 Minutes And today is Friday. "If you can give me a reason why you were speeding
that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper



SOME POINTS TO PONDER

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

13. Stop singing and read on.........

14. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

15. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

16. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

17. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


mycin62 56F

4/7/2006 8:50 pm

Where do I sign my husband up for those classes?


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