Depressed tonite  

1973GAL 45F
1790 posts
6/27/2006 8:14 pm

Last Read:
6/29/2006 12:20 pm

Depressed tonite

Well awhile back in my blog I wrote about flashlight buddy---and we have been emailing alot these past few months...He is the one who sent me the email awhile ago that said he cannot see me anymore because he did not want to lose what he has at home...I was going to oblige with his request, until his wife was out of town and he invited me over to his house and yeah, you guessed it--we really seen each other!

After that we have emailed each other on a daily basis--always talking about what we want to do and such--and knowing it won't happen! We are both really not being fair to the other--I mean we both had these feelings that happened when we got together and that totally broke my rule of side dishes! I think it hit me in the face that I could feel like that for someone--only happened one other time and I lost that guy as well because he could not move to NY to be with me...

So last week I did not hear from him much--thinking he was ready to cut off emails, I emailed him and told him to at least tell me instead of throwing me off like that--come to find out he was out of town because his MIL died...I felt like an ass completely! Well since he has been back , things have felt different--maybe it was because I have not heard from him--that I was feeling a bit weird..dunno! Today I asked him one question--this was going to the be the question that decided my next step--I asked him if we were ever going to get together again...his response was

"Well....if the stars and the moon align may be possible. I just couldn't
promise anything right now. Wish I had a better answer."

That is not what I wanted to hear, but I think it was what I needed to hear from him...So I wrote to him that we should stop the emails until he decides he can see me again because we are both torturing ourselves with all the emailing of what we want and desire--

So--he has not replied and this is the beginning of the wait--and I am so damn depressed over this whole thing--Yes I go out and have my fun, but none compare to him! There have been 2 men in my life that I would leave my husband for and he was one of those men--the other is my friend from PA (he is the one in my profile pic) Hard to let go of the ones that you want to be with--but I guess that means that life is going to go on and that there is nothing I can do about it!.

Have anyone of you out there in blogville ever meet that one that you so wanted but knew you could never have?! Or have you fallen for one of your "fuck buddies" and knew that was not the thing that was supposed to happen?!

rm_sixftfive28m 41M

6/27/2006 9:00 pm

That is too sad... I'm sure it will get better in time.

There is a woman very special to me that I know I can never have, but as time goes on I have learned to accept it. In some ways, it makes the relationship more special than others, because it's much more than physical.

1973GAL 45F

6/28/2006 5:27 am

You are all too sweet..thanks for the words of encouragement...I so appreciate them ((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))

Addy19742 44F

6/28/2006 11:27 am

I am so sorry! I was in a long distance relationship and it ended rather sadly. Hang in There!

riledup4u 54M

6/28/2006 3:43 pm

well hell all u need is a new flash light buddy....i've got mine charged up and rady shine....

1973GAL 45F

6/29/2006 6:06 am

Cute riled =) That would be a possibility for sure...will have to see what happens huh?!

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