chicknchoker 51 / M
"I'm here to have some real fun with real people! .....You?"
Portland, Oregon, United States
 
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Last Visit: More than 3 months

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Status
chicknchoker 51/M
Portland, Oregon
Looking for real people that want to have some real fun..........You?
Introduction
**** The following is only for fun! This is NOT the real me! If you want to know more about me, feel free to ask. Hope you get a good laugh out of my "profile" lol

M4W – SEEKING HOT CHICK! MUST NOT BE UGLY OR A TOTAL BITCH!

Looking for a sexy lady (Capricorn? or Virgo?) who knows how to support and keep a Scorpio man happy. Not being a total bitch or always on the rag about one thing or another will get you to the top of the list.

First, let me tell you a little about me. I love to drink beer, smoke, poodle*, and watch TV. I like to make fun of people and joke around a lot, especially when your family or close friends are around. I sometimes have a romantic and sensitive side to me. Recently, I found out it works much better to conduct all intimate conversations when I'm passed out on the couch, or when I’m in the crapper reading my “Big-Uns” magazines. I don’t really require much, just to have all my bills paid on time, a fresh chicken pot pie in the microwave, and a damn good plunger (not the cheap kind) for the toilet so I can unstuck it after I get through taking a big old dump.

My parole officer says that if I don't get a job soon I'll have to go back to the joint (framed on some bullshit drug and spousal abuse charges(2nd time), so please respond promptly so you can drive me around to look for some work. Hey, you could even call my P.O. up and say you have hired me. I like making money the easy way, if you know what I mean. I prefer to make lots of cash for about a half a day’s work. If you have any prescription drugs or extra medication, I could show you how to sell it and make money.

Being an honest man like I am, and in the interests of full disclosure, I also have a wife(s) and several children, and a couple of dogs who’s names I can’t remember (thank God they’re in another state). What is there to say except I have a lot of baby batter (wink, wink). I also have a compelling urge to run when things start looking bad. Oh, I should also tell you that I like to spend most of the day either sleeping or sitting in the Lazy-Boy in my underwear so as not to mess up my clean pair of jeans.

If you sound interesting to me when you reply, and as long as can pass a credit check, then maybe I'll let you tag this prize bull. I'm very particular so not everyone will qualify right off. Fat bitches are O.K., but don’t expect to get picked right away. It would also be helpful if your mother didn’t live in the same town as us (like to have killed that last old fucking bitch), and it helps if your neighbors aren’t up in your business and shit (like to have an “herb” garden if at all possible).

Did I mention you've got to have money too? I will need a deposit as a sign of your good faith. This proves that your intentions are pure and that you are not going to try and take advantage of me.

If you’re the right type of person I might be amendable to a 420 "habit". Hell, if you have enough money you can snort crack off my ass cheeks. And hey, I mean it this time, when I say no more guys. Please, my doctor says I most likely will have to wear diapers for the rest of my life (I hate you Jim, and Tommy, and you too Nigel).

Hurry baby, because you know I won’t last long before some other fine looking bitch snaps me up. Please send a recent picture of yourself so I can see what you got going on. No faces please, just the neck down and preferably naked. Please "title" the picture with your name and how much money you can provide on a monthly basis. (Example "Julie-1200")

Mark

* to "poodle" is when I sit in the back of your truck drinking whatever alcohol you provide for me, with the tailgate down--you drive slowly along the beach--and I use a stick to make swirling marks in the sand singing country songs along with the radio or just yellin’ at tourists.

Hope you got a good laugh out of my "profile". Seriously......I'm not anything like this guy.....
I just like to laugh, and I have a wicked sense of humor. Contact me if you'd like to get to know the "real" me!

Mark

What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
A bed, The beach, The middle of a park, A dark back alley, A movie theatre, A remote wilderness spot, Under a waterfall, A swimming pool or hot tub, An elevator, A hotel room, Anywhere

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Fetishes, Light Bondage, Candle Wax, Role Playing, Threesomes, Mutual Masturbation, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Voyeurism, Handcuffs/Shackles, Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Blindfolds, Leather, Latex, Massage

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Sexual experience, Physical attraction, Ability to be discreet, Sexual appetite, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything, A little of each

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

View more of chicknchoker's responses

Information
  • 51 / male
  • Portland, Oregon, United States
Sexual Orientation:
Bi-curious
Looking For:  Men, Women, Couples (man/woman), Groups, Couples (2 women), Couples (2 men) or TS/TV/TG
Birthdate: November 6, 1965
Relocate?: Maybe/Yes
Marital Status: Divorced
Height: 5 ft 11 in / 180-182 cm
Body Type: Average
Smoking: I'm a non-smoker
Drinking: I'm a light/social drinker
Drugs: I use some recreational drugs
Education: Some college
Occupation: Self Employed
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Christian
Have Children: Yes. We do not live together.
Want Children: Maybe
Male Endowment: Average/Thick
Circumcised: Yes
Speaks: English
Hair Color: Brown
Hair Length: Short
Eye Color: Green
Glasses or Contacts: None
My Trophy Case: