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Articles by nice2eatu2019

nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Free Meat   9/20/2016

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he goin


0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Have You Seen Ilene?   9/5/2016

This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Have you seen Ilene?"

The guy is rather confused and asks, "Ilene who?" The bartender replies, "I lean o


0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Know the Right Word   8/20/2016

A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like to get castrated". The doctor tries to convince him but the man won't listen. All he keeps on saying is, "I want to get castrated! I want to get


0 Comments, 105 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Where Are You Going?   8/6/2016

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily,


0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Pumpernickel Bread   8/2/2016

Two men are walking on the boardwalk. One says to the other, “I’ve got to run. Have to hurry home to make love with my wife.”

The other man looks astounded. “Make love to your wife? Y


0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
What do I look like   7/29/2016

This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household re


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Remembering the Plan   7/21/2016

A Blonde and a Brunette are going to rob a bank. The day before the robbery the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Do you remember the plan?"

"Yes, " says the blonde.

"Well let'


0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Social Security Office   7/18/2016

A retired gentleman went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify h


0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Toast   7/17/2016

A good man Rich, was with his friends having a contest to see who could make the best drinking toast. He hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!" And tha


0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Anybody, Anytime, Anywhere   7/15/2016

A man walks into a bar and sees a good looking smart dressed woman perched on a barstool. He walks up behind her and says, “Hi there, good looking, how’s it going?”

She turns around, fa


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Love is a Funny Thing   7/14/2016

Love is a funny thing… It is never appreciated until it is gone...

It never has value until someone has it...

And just when you decided to give up on it… it finds you again.


0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
How Long Has It Been?   7/13/2016

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.

Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!” Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a


0 Comments, 105 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Little Johnny and a Moral   7/1/2016

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the fi


0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Unattractive Ladies Man   6/27/2016

A very handsome man at a singles bar is sitting at a prime location having a drink. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks in, with no luck. Then a repulsi


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Best We Can Offer   6/24/2016

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males


0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
It's All In the Name   6/23/2016

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for examp


0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Man of the House   6/22/2016

The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed into the kitchen and walked up directly to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said st


0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Little Johnny is at it again   6/20/2016

A young teacher was giving her six-year-old class a lesson about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumpin


0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Be Quiet, They're Getting Closer   6/19/2016

A farmer has a rooster that goes around screwing all the animals in the barnyard. The rooster keeps this up for quite a while before the farmer finally pulls him aside and warns him. “Look, ” the


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Lawyer   6/17/2016

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness replied, "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the acc


0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Blonde from First Class   6/15/2016

On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket." The lady responded, "Listen, I'm


0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Elite Chicken Farmer   6/14/2016

The , in need to file her taxes, visits an accountant for the first time. “Before we begin I’ll need some information.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, “


0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Cheesehead Types   6/12/2016

Two men were driving through Dubuque, Iowa when they got pulled over by a Dubuque Police Officer. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down his window and


0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Ice Cream Truck   6/10/2016

A woman hears that her 98-year-old grandfather has died, and journeys to see her grandmother. After the funeral, she asks, "How did it happen, Granny?"

"Well, dear, it happened while we were


0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
LETTERS   6/10/2016

A woman went in for a physical the other day. The doctor asked her to disrobe. When she did the doctor noticed she had a big red "H" on her chest.

The doctor said: That's strange. How did you


0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Group Therapy for Moms   6/9/2016

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small . "You all have obsessions", he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with ea


0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
His Wife, the Translator   6/5/2016

An old man went to the doctor for his annual check up, but his hearing was not that good. His wife came with him to assist the doctor with translation. The doctor began with, "I need a urine sample."


0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Outstanding Ears   5/20/2016

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment


0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
A $500 Porsche   5/16/2016

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke,


0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Basic Misunderstanding   5/2/2016

“I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, " screamed his wife. "I'm really disappointed in you."

"You can hardly blame me, " he answered. "It's not like I was getting


0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Which Came First   5/1/2016

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt


0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Wedding Gifts   4/28/2016

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured s


0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Crafty   4/25/2016

I met a fairy today. She said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever, " I said.

"Sorry, " said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine, " I said,


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Exhaustion   4/23/2016

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury o


0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Want Some of This...   4/20/2016

A woman wants to surprise her husband for their 25th anniversary. She decides to go out buy some sexy lingerie. She picks up some crotch less panties and a new bra.

When the hubby gets home f


0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
What Are You Laughing About?   4/15/2016

Two guys were walking through the jungle and got captured by a group of cannibals.

The cannibals put them in a huge pot and start to boil the water.

All of a sudden one of the guys s


0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Human Vase   4/10/2016

Two girlfriends where walking down the street and one sees her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers and tells her friend "shit I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers he always expects somethin


0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Car Deal   4/2/2016

An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

"I thought you said you would hold th


0 Comments, 143 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Blonde Husband   3/27/2016

Two women are having lunch together, discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, ‘I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.’ The second woman says, ‘O


0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Boiled Eggs   3/21/2016

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, “You’ve got to make love to me – this very moment.”

His eyes light up and he thinks, “Th


0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Somebody Stole My Car Officer   3/17/2016

A well dress but obviously intoxicated gentleman stumbled up to a policeman at a busy downtown intersection and voiced a thick-tongued complaint.

“Somebody stole my car, officer, ” he ann


0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Finger vs Ear   3/15/2016

While having drinks a man and a woman got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
What's The Hurry   3/14/2016

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him d


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Little Johnny See Double   3/11/2016

Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.

“Does anyone know what this is?” She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and


0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Price   3/11/2016

At a carpet store a very well dress woman bent over and touched a Persian rug and she farted.

When she gets up she notices that there is a salesman standing behind her.

She then asks


0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Curious Blonde   3/6/2016

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy. The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem.

The brunet whispers to the blonde, "Someone should


0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Stork Family   1/31/2016

There is a family of storks: A mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork. One day, daddy didn't come home for dinner. Mommy and baby were very worried. When dad came home late the next morning, the


0 Comments, 90 Views, 0 Votes