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understanding women 11/3/2003
A man is shipwrecked on a desert island, and walks the beach
every morining to see is anything useful has washed up.
One morning he finds a lamp. He figures what the hell, and
sure enough, when he rubs it out pops the genie. "I
will grant your wish, oh Master", says the genie.
The man thinks for a bit, then says, "Ya know, I have
been here for a couple of years, and this island is not ...
1 Comentários, 66 Visualizações,
52 Votos
,8.41 Pontuação
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Little Johnny and Grandma take a walk 9/3/2003
Little Johnny and his grandmother were walking around
town one day when they came across two dogs fucking on the
sidewalk. Johnny asked his grandmother what they were
doing. She was very embarrassed so she said "The top
hur his paw so the one underneath him is carrying him
to the doctor." Johnny looked at her and said "They're
just like people are'nt they?" "What do
you mean?" grandma ...
0 Comentários, 119 Visualizações,
79 Votos
,8.53 Pontuação
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Blind Flight 9/3/2003
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he realized
that something was wrong. He made his way up to the cockpit
but could get no response from the pilot. He felt around
until he located the radio "Help Me! Help Me! I'm
blind, the pilot is dead, and we are flying upside down"
he screamed into it. The Tower comes back and asks him "How
do you know your upside down?" The blind man ...
0 Comentários, 28 Visualizações,
37 Votos
,7.05 Pontuação
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A blind rabbitt and skunk 9/3/2003
A blind rabbit ran across a blind skunk in the woods one day
and asked the skunk what type of animal he was. The skunk
says he has always been blind and don't know and the
rabbit says he can't tell what he is either. They decide
to feel of each other and try to figure out what they are.
The skunk feels the rabbit and says well you have very long
ears and a soft fluffy round tail. The rabbit ...
0 Comentários, 32 Visualizações,
64 Votos
,1.96 Pontuação
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Miracles of woman 9/3/2003
4 miracles of a woman 1. getting wet without taking a SHOWER
2.Bleeding without getting HURT 3. Giving milk without
eating GRASS & Making Bonless flesh HARD
0 Comentários, 35 Visualizações,
32 Votos
,5.30 Pontuação
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best friend 9/3/2003
wife : if i sleep with your best friend what is the first the
first thing comes to ur mind?
husband; that you are a lesbian.
0 Comentários, 44 Visualizações,
30 Votos
,6.47 Pontuação
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two drunks 9/3/2003
two drunks are sitting outside of a bar without the price
of a drink between them. one has an idea..."lets get
a hotdog, i will put it down my pants, and when the bartender
tells us the price, you drop to your knees, pull out the hotdog,
and pretend to give me a blowjob. we'll get thrown out
for queers!" the other drunk agrees and they go to
the first bar. the first drunk orders two ...
1 Comentários, 42 Visualizações,
26 Votos
,5.61 Pontuação
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Truck Driver 7/3/2003
A truck driver walked into a house in Vegas , he put
$1000.00 down and told the madam he wanted a meanest, nastyest
fatest , in the place, the madan said mister for a thousand
you can have the best looking woman in the house, he said
mam you dont understand im not horny im homesick!!
1 Comentários, 97 Visualizações,
87 Votos
,7.26 Pontuação
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the ed zachery disease 5/3/2003
A lady approached a doctor one day and asked if he could help
her. When asked the problem, she explained that she had
tried everything possible but couldn't get laid.
He then explained to her that he couldn't help her but
there was an oriental doctor he knew, Dr. Shotokan, that
could. She goes to him and tells him the same and asked what
the problem was and why she could't get laid. He ...
0 Comentários, 10 Visualizações,
24 Votos
,5.97 Pontuação
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Little Johnny being bad again ..... 4/3/2003
Little Johnny came home from school and told his Dad he had
been kicked out of math class.....
<br>
"What for?"
<br>
"The teacher asked me what was 2x3 and I said 6."
<br>
"You were right!"
<br>
"I know, but then she asked me what was 3x2."
<br>
"What's the fucking difference?!?!???"
<br>
"Well Dad, that's what I asked her just ...
0 Comentários, 42 Visualizações,
65 Votos
,7.89 Pontuação
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The Fly 4/3/2003
Deep, ,, Deep in the mountains near a mountain stream a
Bear stands and watches the fish swim buy. The bear notices
a fly buzzing a foot above the water and sees an eager trout
eyes the fly. He thinks to himself, you know if that fly would
just drop about 5 inches that fish would jump out of the water
and eat the fly. When the fish jumps I could snatch him up
and eat him.
An eager coyote ...
0 Comentários, 17 Visualizações,
23 Votos
,6.16 Pontuação
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taxidermist 24/2/2003
There was a taxidermist who was the only survivor of a plane
crash in the midddle of the Australian outback. He wandered
for days, with no food or water to sustain him. Finally,
by chance, he came upon a pub in the middle of nowhere. He
runs in and orders a tall glass of milk. The guys all look
at him and one growls, "Milk...what kind of drink is that
for a man. Just what in the hell ...
1 Comentários, 58 Visualizações,
10 Votos
,4.78 Pontuação
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the man 20/2/2003
As a man gets off work one day. He gets on the elevator at the
36th floor. On his way down the elevator stops and this beautiful
blonde gets on the elevator with him. As they both go down
to the 1st floor an earthquake shakes the buliding and the
cable on the elevator breaks. Here they are falling to their
deaths. The women turns to the man and asks him to make her
feel like a women for the ...
0 Comentários, 30 Visualizações,
17 Votos
,4.68 Pontuação
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Barroom Football 17/2/2003
A big, mean redneck was sitting in the local bar when a small,
effeminate guy walks in and sits down next to him. "Look
here, fella, I don't drink with no faggots! Get the hell
out of here, " he yells. The small guy replies very calmly, "I
have every right to be here. Let's play barroom football,
and the loser has to leave, OK?" "What's barroom football?"
asks the redneck. "It's ...
0 Comentários, 25 Visualizações,
44 Votos
,4.20 Pontuação
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High wires and old women 4/2/2003
On one side of the world there is a man walking on a tightrope
over a 4, 000 ft. deep gorge. At the same time on the other
side of the world, a man is getting a blowjob from an 85 year
old woman with no teeth.
What is going through both of their minds at the same time?
<br>
DON'T LOOK DOWN !!!!!
1 Comentários, 77 Visualizações,
43 Votos
,5.96 Pontuação
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An Ostrich and a Cat 4/2/2003
A guy, an ostrich and a cat go into a bar. The guy says to the
barman 'I'll have a pint of Guiness please' The ostrich
says 'I'll have the same please' and the cat says 'I'll have
a whisky, but I'm not paying'. So they get their drinks and
the man pulls out the exact money to pay for them.
The next week, the same trio go into the bar. The man says
'I'll have a brandy', the ostrich says ...
1 Comentários, 58 Visualizações,
58 Votos
,6.58 Pontuação
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Steering Wheel 26/1/2003
Irish guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the
front of his pants.
The bartender says "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel
down the front of your pant?"
The man replies "Ei, is drivin' me nuts."
0 Comentários, 7 Visualizações,
94 Votos
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The Accountant 21/1/2003
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening that reads:
<br>
Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will
be at the Red Roof Inn with my beautiful and sexy 18
year old secretary.
<br>
When he arrives at the hotel there was a letter waiting
for him that read as follows:
<br>
Dear Husband,
I too am 54 ...
0 Comentários, 20 Visualizações,
152 Votos
,8.34 Pontuação
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Old Boat! 16/1/2003
Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner
of a dilapidated
old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day
that Joe's boat
sank.
<br>
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe a mistook him
for John.
She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just
feel terrible.'
<br>
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, ...
1 Comentários, 59 Visualizações,
140 Votos
,8.05 Pontuação
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12 inch piano player 9/1/2003
A man wearing a backpack walked into a bar. He sat down and
asked the bartender "If I play the most beautiful music
you've ever heard, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender
said "Sure, but it better be the best I've ever heard." So
the man pulls out of his backpack a 12 inch little man who
gets up and plays the most beautiful song the bartender
has ever heard. "That was great! ...
0 Comentários, 13 Visualizações,
71 Votos
,7.16 Pontuação
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It's my arthritis, sonny......... 6/1/2003
A guy was cruising the bars trying to get laid in order to
win a $500 bet with a golfing buddy. He absolutely had to
get laid, but was striking out left and right. Just before
closing time he spotted this very very old woman at the bar
who was looking around the room expectantly.
<br>
He introduced himself and told her the whole deal, and promised
her he would do absolutely ...
0 Comentários, 17 Visualizações,
64 Votos
,4.18 Pontuação
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Elevator 5/1/2003
A Blond and a Brunette are standing in an elevator when a
man wearing a suit walks in. This man has absolutely the
worst dandruff in the history of the world. It's all over
his shoulders and everything. A few floors later he gets
off. The Brunette turns to the Blond and says "Somebody
should REALLY give that man some Head & Shoulders." The
Blond turns to the Brunette and says "How do ...
0 Comentários, 17 Visualizações,
50 Votos
,4.43 Pontuação
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ping pong balls 1/1/2003
There were three men bidding for the hand of a princess.
The king said well i will test you all, go out and find me all
the ping pong balls you can and the man with the most will
get the hand of my . so after a while the first man
comes back and he has 33 ping pong balls. Good said the king
33 will be hard to beat. the second man arives and he has 102
ping pong balls oh my lord said the ...
0 Comentários, 20 Visualizações,
27 Votos
,2.71 Pontuação
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eggs 20/12/2002
A couple was celebrateing their 60th wedding aniversity
and they are having dinner and talking about their life
with each other over the years when the husband asked, I
have always wondered what you keep in the hope chest that
you got at our wedding I have never seen whats in it.The wife
says no problem I'll show you. So they go into the bedroom
and she unlocks the chest and opens it up. ...
5 Comentários, 136 Visualizações,
127 Votos
,7.22 Pontuação
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moral 15/12/2002
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able
to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey. "But
I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble
on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed
with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the first branch of the tree. The next ...
0 Comentários, 6 Visualizações,
100 Votos
,6.43 Pontuação
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Another Limerick 30/11/2002
On Saturn the sexes are three
Which is quite awkward you'll agree
To perform Con Brio
It requires a Trio
and it even takes two for a pee
2 Comentários, 27 Visualizações,
43 Votos
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alien sex study 27/11/2002
There is a couple that's spending a relaxing summer night
at their cabin in the middle of nowhere when a spaceship
lands in their front yard. Out from the spaceship come an
alien couple. They introduce themselves and say they are
exploring the cosmos and would like to know more about humans.
The earthlings invite them inside where they all swap stories
about each others homeworlds. Well ...
0 Comentários, 26 Visualizações,
136 Votos
,6.58 Pontuação
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BEDROOM GOLF 21/11/2002
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
<br>
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club
and two balls.
<br>
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the
hole.
<br>
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep
the balls out.
<br>
4. For most effective play, the club should ...
0 Comentários, 6 Visualizações,
162 Votos
,7.88 Pontuação
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Male Rules (Lady's Take Note) We always hear 21/11/2002
<br>
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
<br>
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
<br>
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
<br>
1. Don't cut your ...
0 Comentários, 29 Visualizações,
221 Votos
,8.45 Pontuação
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Scottish Footie 2006 21/11/2002
Fast forward to 2006 - it is just before Scotland v Brazil
at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian
changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this
game. We know
it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and
we can't be bothered".
Ronaldo looks at them and says ...
0 Comentários, 18 Visualizações,
27 Votos
,1.87 Pontuação
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