Ionie Loves E.D.   by Duke Lacrosse

Member Votes

19 votes
48 votes
83 votes
105 votes
547 votes
Don't like So so Good Very Good Excellent
Members can vote on this response!

Editor Article Search

Text:  


“I only love…PVC”

Studio: Private
Director: Ionie Luvcoxxx
Starring: Myla, Avalon Kassari, Sabrina, Brooke, Tyler Leigh-Rainer, Stephan Hard, Fernando
Running time: 90 mins

Verdict: Dribbler
Ejacu-rating System (1-Blueballs, 2-Dribbler, 3-Squirter, 4-Lawn Sprinkler, 5-Firehose)


While here in America we hear PVC and think of pipes and plumbing, across the pond in Ionie Luvcoxxx land, apparently PVC means polyvinyl clothes. Accordingly, the flick features a bevy of buxom British brunettes squeezing themselves into all manner of PVC getups before the traditional sucking and stuffing. The reality-style production is emceed by Ionie herself, who also does hand-held camera work and the “HBO Real Sex”-style street interviews that bookend the scenes.

The first scene begins with Ionie Luvcoxx helping her first starlet, Avalon Cassani, into a red, PVC lace-up number. Cassani is voluptuous, with lovely, natural breasts, fried hair, pale skin, and the hint of cellulite. She’s no supermodel, but she has a certain aura of sexiness about her that doesn’t rely on flawless looks, like the gypsy belly dancer in some back alley hookah bar. She looks like Snow White if Snow White was sluttier and more Romanian. Cassani soon slips in and out of her PVC gear (which will be a recurring theme), and a slender, clean cut, well-hung young gentleman enters the scene to provide the “tasty stuffing”. She gets things started by deepthroating his prodigious but largely flaccid member while astutely avoiding his navel piercing.

With Ionie constantly cooing instructions to her participants and the occasional intrusion by the disembodied voice of what we can only assume is the other cameraman, the scene plays out like a behind-the-scenes documentary. The instructions are intrusive at times, but also lend the scene an air of authenticity, like watching porn being filmed in your living room. Luckily the two performers have undeniable chemistry. Cassani experiences some genuine orgasms, and even squirts a little, before her counterpart deposits his load between her breasts. Plus points for natural acting, minus points for the awkward camera angles. Seriously, can’t anyone in the porn industry film a reverse cowboy shot without tilting the camera, and the audience’s head, at a 45-degree angle? It’s not our necks that should be stiff.

The second scene features Myla, a camera shy, slender brunette with spectacularly perky real breasts who stuffs her tall, tasty figure into a PVC nurse’s outfit. She is soon joined by slutty Sabrina, another busty, British brunette with big fake tits, pale nipples and big painted lips. With the theatrical, overacting Sabrina playing the aggressor, the two have some girls-only fun, first with Sabrina’s fingers and tongue, then with a red dildo, and finally with a black leather strap on. Myla’s obviously not at all comfortable in front of the camera, which gives her a certain innocent charm, but also keeps her from really loose and getting the proverbial juices flowing. Ionie and the disembodied cameraman voice constantly telling their performers how to stand and where to put their hands doesn’t help either. The scene plods along in uninspired fashion until Sabrina straps it on, bends Myla over, and pounds her mercilessly from behind while pulling her hair and talking dirty in her ear. It takes a while, but Sabrina’s roughness finally heats things up by forcing Myla to stop worrying about how she looks on camera and get into the schwing of things. In a way, Sabrina’s the best male talent in the whole DVD.

The third scene features Sabrina in a PVC schoolgirl costume with knee-high boots and heels, a male performer who looks a bit like a bald Ali G, and a rather effeminate looking gentleman whom Ionie finds on the street. The street character, who really looks like a street character, has long, bleached hair, well manicured eyebrows and appears to be wearing eyeliner and eye shadow. He sits just off to the side jacking off while Sabrina deepthroats the Ali G look-a-like’s limp wiener. The street guy, who looks like he’d normally be wearing a trench coat and standing near a schoolyard somewhere, climaxes right away, and leaves his “spunk” ‒ Britspeak for semen - on Sabrina’s tits at the urging of Ionie. Ionie then hands camera duties over to her effeminate street urchin and runs off to get the “Ionie”, a cylindrical, liquid-filled rubber object with a hollow center that’s supposed to simulate the feeling of a real vagina. Ionie the human comes back with Ionie the device and helps her urchin into the toy with Sabrina still blowing Ali G. The urchin retreats to the background while Ali G fucks Sabrina missionary style on the couch, then comes back to drop a second load on Sabrina’s tits. Extra points for randomness; low marks for Ali G, who rarely seems hard even when he’s “spunking” in Sabrina’s mouth.

The fourth scene stars Brooke, a 19-year old who, if we’re to believe Ionie, is filming her very first scene. Brooke is tall and cute, with plump, natural breasts, and almost too perfectly fits the description of girl next door. With her smooth, milky skin and swollen nipples, she looks like a Playboy centerfold from the seventies (thankfully without the shag carpet). She squeezers herself into the obligatory PVC outfit, this time a vampirish black lace-up dress, before Navel-Ring McHugecock from the first scene comes in to provide the tasty stuffing. Unlike Myla from the second scene, Brooke is a natural. Her soft moaning is a pleasant change from your standard cheesy pornstar screams. She’s the perfect porn girl; young, innocent looking, and a little shy, but very horny and able to forget she’s on camera. Big pluses for the genuinely hot sex and especially for the soft smacking sound made by Navel-Ring’s balls slapping against Brooke’s soft wet lips during the doggystyle segment ‒ great sound production! Big minuses for allowing Brooke’s nubile young body ‒ perhaps the highlight of the whole DVD - to stay partially hidden beneath her PVC dress for the duration of the scene.

Bottom Line: The PVC theme seems a little forced. Having a naked actress squeeze into a PVC costume and out again within the space of 30-60 seconds probably isn’t going to do anything for a PVC fetishist, and for the rest of us, it’s more distracting than anything else - especially so in the last scene when it’s covering up a hot body. The movie has a real behind-the-scenes feel that adds to sense that you’re watching something real and not just a show, but with a few too many intrusions from Ionie and the crew and some truly creepy looking male talent, sometimes things get a little too real. There are a few great moments, like Cassani’s squirt shot and sexy Brooke’s debut scene, but sorry, Ionie, overall this release is just so-so.


Pluses:

  • Reality TV-Style Authenticity

  • Real Orgasms (Squirting!)

  • High Quality Footage

  • Fresh Female Talent



Minuses:

  • Reality TV-Style Authenticity

  • Distracting Narration

  • Flaccid Penises

  • Sub-Par Male Talent






Agree? Disagree? Post a comment below!
If you want to get in touch with Duke Lacrosse about his latest review, or just have some basic porn reviewing questions, ask here:

Email: dlacrosse@friendfinderinc.com
Handle: DukeLacrosse