Suck On This   by Greta Christina

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Reviewer Greta Christina has worked in and around the sex industry for over a decade writing about it, editing books about it, and living it. She edited Paying For It, a collection of articles by all kinds of sex workers: dommes, escorts, peep show girls, T-girls. Her novella called Bending is out in Susie Bright's book Three Kinds of Asking For It (published by Simon & Schuster and can be found at amazon.com). In response to overwhelming member requests for reviews of sex toys, sexy films, and other sex whatnots, Ms. Christina brings her girl-about-sex wisdom twice monthly to AdultFriendFinder. You can check out Ms. Christina on her web site, gretachristina.com.


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Power Pucker suction vibrator, $32.00
Available at Good Vibrations,
www.goodvibes.com

Vibrating Pussy Sucker, $29.50
Available at Extreme Restraints, www.extremerestraints.com



Well, it certainly does what it sets out to do.
The first one, anyway. The second one we’ll get to in a minute.

The Power Pucker suction vibrator has a very straightforward purpose in life. It’s supposed to attach itself to your clit by suction, and it’s supposed to vibrate. And yes, it does both those things. It does one of them extremely effectively, the other only tolerably well -- but it undeniably does them both.

So is that any fun?

Well, when my lovely testing partner and I first put the little suction guy on our clits and squeezed the pump, we both had exactly the same
reaction: Yeowch! That’s a solvable problem, as it turns out, but it’s one you should know about if you’re thinking of getting this toy: Do not put it on your clit and then give the pump a big ol’ squeeze. You have to be very gentle with your pump-squeezing at first. Tiny little pumps, that’s the ticket.

Once we’d figured that out, we had a pretty good time with it. Or I did, anyway. My LTP (lovely testing partner) didn’t care for the suctioning sensation, and she found the vibrations too weak for her taste -- and too hard to control. She likes clit sensation that’s powerful but diffuse -- she’s a Hitachi Magic Wand girl -- and the Power Pucker was both too direct and too mild for her. And it’s hard to move the toy around and change the pressure and the location -- once it’s on, it’s pretty much on, and you have to break the suction seal and start over if you want to change it up at all. That wouldn’t do at all for my LTP and her VSC (Very Sensitive Clit).

But my clit is a little tougher than hers, and I found the Power Pucker to be a pleasant surprise. Specifically, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the suctioning, and its steady, firm-but-gentle pressure. The sensation was unusual -- it didn’t feel like any other sex toy I’ve ever used -- but it felt undeniably good, and the very unusual-ness of it made me wake me up and pay attention. It was a bit like having my clit held between someone’s fingers in a delicate, steady pinch, making it feel both exposed and surrounded, with a light, even pressure that was both comforting and a delightfully excruciating tease.

And when I pumped it up to the maximum pumpage, it hurt my clit just a little bit -- which, being the pervert that I am, made me whimper in protest and spread my legs even wider. Now, if you’re not a masochist or you don’t like clit pain, don’t worry -- this isn’t a kink toy, and it doesn’t have to hurt if you don’t want it to. If you don’t want anything resembling pain on your clit -- which is certainly a reasonable attitude -- just keep a very light touch on the pump, and be sure to use lube first. Unless your clit is super-sensitive, the lighter suction should feel fine.

But if you do like a little pain on your clit, you should definitely check this toy out. When I had it pumped up to the maximum, it had a delicate but very respectable bite. And it’s a nicely effective way to masochistically masturbate. You know how hard it is to really inflict pain on yourself in a way that feels like someone else is doing the inflicting? Because the Power Pucker goes on and stays on, it gave me that lovely feeling of pain that’s not in my control -- even when I was using it all by myself. (If you are aiming for that pleasure/pain arena, try using the toy with no lube on your clit. You definitely get more of a sensual sucking from the toy if your clit is wet, and more of a sharp bite if your clit is dry. My partner and I found that out the hard way. I liked it a little better when it was a little dry -- and she really, really
didn’t.)

Of course, a big reason you might want a vibrator that suctions onto your clit is that it stays there, letting you have sensations and vibrations between your legs while your hands are busy elsewhere -- touching your breasts, or touching your lover’s breasts, or being tied to the bed, or whatever. That’s a Holy Grail of sex toys I’ve been seeking for years -- a hands-free vibrator that’s actually effective. But while this is a reasonably fun toy in its own right, it isn’t the hands-free Grail.

And the main reason is that, purely as a vibrator, it’s kind of a disappointment. It just doesn’t pack much of a punch: it’s a very small vibrator, powered only by three little watch batteries. And because of the toy’s design -- a longish suction-y tube made of rubber jelly, with the little vibrator at one end and your clit at the other -- the vibrations get damped down a fair amount by the material of the toy, and the vibrator itself never actually touches your clit. I got extremely aroused playing with it, and I even got a few proto-gasms or mini-gasms out of it... but I needed something else going on at the same time (hands on my breasts, or a finger in my pussy) to get even that level of satisfaction. And when I got tired of being tantalized and teased and just wanted to Come, Dammit, the vibrations weren’t enough, or even close to enough. I finally had to take it off and switch to my trusty Wahl.

I will say this, though: Once I did switch to the Wahl, I was completely ready to come. And not just because I’d been teased and tormented with a dozen or more almost-gasms. The suction of the Power Pucker (and the gently masochistic bite of it on full throttle) had made my clit extremely sensitive, and when I finally changed over to the Wahl, I practically hit the ceiling.

You should know, though, that the wimpiness of the vibrator isn’t the Power Pucker’s only downside as a hands-free vibe. You probably couldn’t use it during face-to-face fucking -- the little suction thingie is small, but it does stick out, and vigorous boffing would probably just knock it out of the way. And while the vibrator stays in place nicely and unobtrusively, the hand pump does nothing of the kind. It’s not in the way if you’re lounging luxuriously on your back, but if you’re being more active (getting on top, getting on your hands and knees, striking an assortment of exhibitionistic poses, etc.)... well, the pump isn’t a huge hassle, but it does have to be dealt with. Also, the suction does lose its suctiony-ness after a bit, and you have to give the pump a little squeeze every now and then to keep it on. So if you’re on a hands-free-vibrator quest, you’re going to have to keep questing.

So do I give it a thumbs up or a thumbs-down? That really depends on you.
If you have a super-sensitive clit that doesn’t like much direct stimulation or pressure, this isn’t the toy for you. And if your clit is hooked on the jackhammer pounding of a plug-in vibe, this isn’t the toy for you, either. But if you’re looking for something a little different, a little new, something to work yourself up with before you move on to your personal main event, something to give your clit some gently firm pressure and some gently teasing vibrations -- or to give it a gently sadistic little bite of pain -- then I think you might give the Power Pucker a try.

As for The Vibrating Pussy Sucker...
Nope. Nada. Not even close.

This is another in the “suctioning onto your pussy” vibrator family. But this one is a complete waste of time. The suction doesn’t stay on at all, even the slightest little bit. It may simply be because the pump is weak
-- much weaker than the Power Pucker. But I think it’s the basic design that’s flawed. It’s meant to fit over your entire vulva instead of just on your clit, and while that’s a nice idea in theory, in practice your vulva just doesn’t provide a good surface for a suction seal.

It’s possible that the Pussy Sucker would work if you had a shaved pussy. Neither I nor my lovely assistant does (not at the moment, anyway), and it’s theoretically possible that this was our problem. We do, however, trim down pretty short, and I’m pretty damn sure that shaving wouldn’t have solved the problem. We tried the Pussy Sucker dry, wet, high up and low down, on both of our pussies. And not once did it stay suctioned on for even half a second.

And without the suctioning, this is a toy that has no reason whatsoever to exist. It’s just a soft rubber-jelly pad, vaguely vulva-shaped, with a bunch of little nubbins for the vulva and a weak-ass bullet vibe strapped onto the back. Somebody somewhere could probably get off with it, but there are half a dozen toys on the market that do the exact same thing -- and do it a whole lot better.

In fact, it makes me wonder if the people who make this toy bothered to try it out even once before they put it on the market. I’ve often wondered this about the more mass-market, less boutique-y sex toy manufacturers. So many of the toys they sell look like an idiot guy’s idea of what women like in bed -- an idiot guy who’s never actually talked with a woman about what actually gets her off. They’re not meant to really work. They’re meant to look good on the store shelf, to make you think it’s going to be hot and different until you get it home and discover that it’s just another piece of worthless plastic crap.

And it really gets my goat. I know I’m not the only sex toy customer in search of the hands-free Grail, and I know that’s an extremely difficult design challenge for sex toy companies to meet. But they shouldn’t just keep throwing half-assed ideas into the market and hoping one of them sticks. They should see if the toys work before they sell them, for crying out loud. People buy sex toys to give pleasure and happiness to themselves and their lovers, and they deserve sex toys made by people who know what actually gets people off -- and who care about it.

You can visit Greta's blog: [extern url='http://gretachristina.typepad.com' target='_blank' text='gretachristina.typepad.com']
or visit her web site:[extern url='http://www.gretachristina.com' target='_blank' text='gretachristina.com']