Greta Christina has worked in and around the sex industry for over a decade writing about it, editing books about it, and living it. She edited Paying For It, a collection of articles by all kinds of sex workers: dommes, escorts, peep show girls, T-girls. She's got a novella called Bending coming out this July in Susie Bright's book Three Kinds of Asking For It (published by Simon & Schuster). In response to overwhelming member requests for reviews of sex toys, sexy films, and other sex whatnots, Ms. Christina brings her girl-about-sex wisdom twice monthly to Adult FriendFinder. You can write to Ms. Christina on the site at her handle, Sextoyreviewer, or check her out on her web site, www.GretaChristina.com.
Sex Toy: The Ramp by Liberator Shapes ($115 - $185)
I know, I know. It looks like a big, weird, pointless slab of foam rubber. I don't care how many sexy people are in the photo with it -- it looks like a miniature on-ramp. And unlike dildos and vibrators and such, it's hard to tell just by looking what makes it fun -- or even what you're supposed to do with it.
But here's the thing. The Ramp by Liberator Shapes is, by far, the single most comfortable thing I've been bent over in my life. And I've been bent over a lot of things: beds, sofas, sawhorses, kitchen tables, laps, and more. Laps may be more intimate; sofas have the zing of nasty spontaneity... but the Ramp is hands-down the most comfortable of the lot. When I'm bent over one, I feel like I could stay there for hours. I can relax completely, lose myself in the moment, without stressing about my back or my knees or my balance.
Let me back up for a moment and fill you in. There's this company called Liberator Shapes. They make these cushions, medium-biggish in size, designed to make an assortment of sex positions more comfortable and fun. I've tried all four of their basic shapes, which in my opinion range from reasonably fun to seeing God. Since both my space and my attention span are limited, let's talk about the one that had me moaning and gibbering and halfway to heaven: The Ramp.
The Ramp makes a whole lot of sex positions a whole lot more comfortable
-- if you have any kind of joint problems, it'll feel like it was sent by a benevolent, sex-crazed angel -- and there are a few positions that might not even be possible without its help. I could spend many paragraphs detailing its many options, but let's focus for a moment on one wild, kinky, out-there position: missionary. The Ramp makes missionary position about twenty times easier for the partner on top; it relieves pressure on your arms, and significantly reduces that "this is fun, but I feel like I'm doing push-ups" sensation. And it makes face-to-face even more intimate, bringing your faces and chests closer, so you can kiss and fondle and whisper dirty words without your elbows giving out or your carpal tunnel getting worse.
Now let's talk some more about bending over. Just for a change. When I bent over the Ramp for the first time, I was immediately filled with a warm, glowing sense of well-being and the rightness of the universe. This, I thought, is how life should be all the time. I felt exposed, vulnerable, objectified in the nicest possible way... and yet I felt relaxed, completely at ease in my skin, able to focus every speck of attention on the dirty things being done to my thighs and my pussy and my ass.
I didn't have to struggle to stay in place; I didn't have to have arguments with my knees or my wrists or my back about "just five more minutes, please." I felt like I could have stayed there for centuries, like empires could rise and fall and I could still be right there with my face in the mattress and my ass in the air. The Ramp is exactly -- I repeat, *exactly* -- the right size, the right shape, the right balance of firmness and softness, for bending over and staying that way.
And yes, before you ask -- it does come in a variety of sizes. So if you're thinking, "Fine, whatever, but the right size to get Greta's ass in the air isn't necessarily the right size for mine," don't worry. They've got a size that'll be just right for getting your ass up close to Heaven where it belongs.
So why not just get one of those foam-rubber yoga pillows? Or for that matter, why not just get some foam rubber and make one yourself? Sure, that's an option. But the Ramp is specifically designed for sex, and it has some real advantages in that arena. For one thing, the outer cover is both velvety-soft and machine washable, and the inner lining is waterproof. So you can sweat and squirt and roll around all you like, and it'll both feel great and clean right up. And like I said, the size and shape are just right for sex. I am generally a fan of do-it-yourself; but in this case, unless you're super-handy with a sewing machine, I think it's better to get the tool designed for the job.
Downsides? Sure. Like most of the Liberator Shapes sex cushions, the Ramp takes up a fair amount of room -- the smallest size is 32" by 24" by 10"
-- so it's less than ideal for a small apartment. More to the point for many of us, it is on the pricey side -- $115 to $185, depending on size. Plus shipping.
Is it worth the money? Well, let me put it this way. If you want to add some fresh positions to your repertoire, if you want to have a better and easier time with your old favorites, or if you just want to get bent over like you've never been bent over in your life, I think the Ramp is a great investment. On the other hand, I've been raving about it here for the several paragraphs -- and yet I don't own one myself. (I tried it when a company I worked for got a sample, and I didn't get to keep the sample when I left the company.) But then again, I'm a freelance writer, and almost by definition I have no real disposable income. I'll tell you this, though: if I did have $150 or so to spend on a cool sex toy instead of rent and groceries, I'd be on the company's Website in a heartbeat, and I'd be getting myself bent over the thing as soon as UPS could get it to my door.
Let Greta hear your comments by emailing her at her AFF member handle: Sextoyreviewer.
Ramp It Up, I'll Take It by Greta Christina
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