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The mystery of it all
The mystery of it all
Some random, rambling rants, raves, digressions and, of course, mysteries. Seems like a lot of people here on AdultFriendFinder are talking about one or more of the following:
Is anybody here real?
Does anybody ever meet with someone else from AdultFriendFinder?
Real vs unreal profiles.
Truth in profiles.
Mass generic emails.
Lack of response.
First, some facts that have implications for the answers to these questions and concerns. Here in WV the ratio of men seeking women to women seeking men is 8.7 to 1 and for men seeking couples to couples seeking men is 7 to 1. Browsing the 4 surrounding states of OH, PA, MD, VA finds the ratio to be about 12 to 1 give or take a little. The real ratios are probably higher than this for several reasons:
Some of the profiles are not real profiles and more of the unreal profiles are probably women's profiles. Why? One, a lot of women's profiles are just to lure men to porn sites. I've personally received dozens of these and other men will corroborate this. I've never heard the same from a woman. Two, a lot of the unreal profiles are juvenile boys/men and girls/women who get their jollies this way - Oh, it's so titillating! They either intuitively know or soon find out that, because of the numbers game, a woman's profile will get a lot more responses than a man's. Does anybody out there really doubt this? OK, so maybe when I think about all the emails women get to pick and choose from, maybe I have "pussy envy". Shh, don't tell Freud! Here's my experience: I've been a gold member - which means there's a real good chance I'm real, since I've put good money in it - for 2 years and 3 months. In that time I've been contacted by exactly zero (0) women or couples that I haven't contacted first. Now, I know I'm not the World's Greatest Lover, but I'm not the worst either (more on this later); I'm not going to grace the cover of a national magazine, but I don't look like I'm wearing a fright mask either, and people aren't embarrassed to be seen with me in public - I'm height/weight proportionate, I brush and floss, clean and trim my nails, periodically get a haircut, my clothes are clean and neat, and even here in WV we take a shower every Saturday, whether we need one or not. I've sent out hundreds and hundreds of emails in that time and only a few people in a hundred respond and maybe 1 in 4 of those results in a meeting. I think most men out there have similar results. So, for a man, getting a meeting with someone has a lower probability than selling someone life insurance. It's a numbers game - you have to send out a lot of emails. I read everyone's profile and try to respond to them personally - their desires, fantasies, interests. But frankly, I spend more time on some than others. You've got to play the odds - time is money. I do have a life besides this. And there's not much you can say to someone with a 2 -3 sentence profile who doesn't answer any of the questions. So, a lot of them are very similar if not identical. I have met a with a few couples and a woman or two in that time. I haven't been turned down yet by anyone who actually met with me, so I must not be too ugly, dirty, rude, or whatever. All have been willing to meet with me again and I have met with all but one couple again, some numerous times. So that's why I say I must not be the world's worst lover, either.
So, yes, there are a lot of fake profiles out there, but real ones, too. I think some profiles are real, but they are only interested in erotic chat/email (sorry, but I don't have that much time - how much do you really find out that way about the person behind the profile?), others think they want to do it, but when it's time to walk the walk, they get cold feet. Hey, shit happens! It must be true - I saw it on a bumper sticker!
And I'm sure some profiles are "embellished" and some are outright lies. I tell the truth because I really intend to meet people, so I don't want them to feel misled. That would be unproductive and waste of time.
Rant #1 - Don't scream at us under IDEAL PERSON: "NO SINGLE MEN! THAT MEANS NO SINGLE MEN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? NO SINGLE MEN". Do this: click on EDIT PROFILE, look for WANT TO MEET - see MAN?, see the little box next to it?, see the check mark in the little box? DELETE IT! There, now it won't say you're looking for MEN, women, couples. And you won't show up on lists filtered for age, gender, distance, and LOOKING FOR A MAN! And we won't be confused about what you are or are not looking for.
Rant #2 - If you're on here looking for love, romance, a serious long-term monogamous relationship, that's fine - although this may not be the best place to find it - just don't get all self-righteously indignant if I'm not. I've been honest, up-front and clear in my profile about my situation and what I'm looking for. Don't take my inventory without knowing my business and I won't take yours. Remember, this is the SEX and SWINGERS site, not CHRISTIAN SINGLES, eHARMONY, etc.
I'll shut up now.
3/15/2005 1:21 pm
I joined here out of curiosty,a friend recomended it ,after i got over the amount of mail and to the type of mail i slowly relaxed and explored the site,learning which email should get a reply ,which shouldn't,i then moved on to chat and got totally hooked nothing dirty just great chat withother folklike my self ,bored from tv and partners snoring infront of the box,then i go really brave and started to date,so much choice lol,i've met a lot of really nice guys,like your self i'm upfront about being married,my profile is real or as real as it will get ,i've changed it a few times as this site gives you the options and the means to explore your needs,like and dislikes,so form srewing around i now realise its not for me ,i just want a regular relationshipship withsome one who will care about me but at the same time be ok ,with me going home to hubby,who knows if i wil fid it,who cares except me lol,but til then i'll continue to chat,flirt and have fun|
3/18/2005 5:15 am
I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope we all find what we're looking for and that, when we do, we find out it's really what we need.|
4/23/2005 7:46 pm
Thanks, Mike. I know the no pictures can be a problem, but so could pictures - face shots - from the standpoint of anonymity and for some of us, discretion is the better part of valor. I have had pictures there before and it didn't really seem to increase the interest. I have pictures to send on request and may put one (non-face shot) on again. But it won't be a dick pic; I don't do dick pics. I'll probably do a private album to share when I get my scanner software installed.|
I think if you're over 50, age is a real barrier here. I think a lot of people set their cupid preferences or search criteria at 50 or under, so you're just invisible to them. My profile almost never gets viewed by anybody unless I contact them.
Good luck and have fun.