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The time is now....
The time is now....
With the sun to my back, it slowly sets into the horizon. I like this time of day. When the coast is clear of fog, the walls of my flat turn golden and sometimes orange.
I realize everyday that my life is a gift, even my fingers typing on my key board is a gift. Could you imagine typing without them?
I am learning to release more and more, to have no expectations of anyone or anything. I find solace in the slience around me, and the only sound I hear my my own breath.
During the course of two weeks and how they unfolden into the New year, I have learned that the only person you can rely upon is yourself.
I have met two boys from this site, I was a naughty girl. These two boys had me more then once, but neither was mature enough to communicate and to be real. Sure they were mature enough to fuck and I thought one of them would be my poly partner. But these men were not sex positive there is a huge difference between being sex positive and just fucking for the sake of fucking.
Men, I adore them and worship the penis. I think I am too much woman for the average man and I think my energy was too much for these two men. They couldn't grasp my Zen approach to everything around me. And they were not into goddess worship. Oh man, if they only knew the rewards of worshiping a goddess.
One boy said to me, "you're super nice and oh so kind". You're one of the nicest women I have ever met.... aren't you afraid of being "burned"?.
I should have taken take as a warning sign. I do not think in terms of being burned, as I am living in the now and too busy to allow myself to worry about things I do not have no control over. One could technically say, I was burned but I have no regrets as I enjoyed myself and lived in that moment.
It's sad that these men could not be honest and real it has made me a bit jaded and less likely to crawl into bed with someone so quickly. But again I do not live in fear, I am only full of ampathy for them as they live in fear.
There is amazing karmic engery around us and it is true that anger will only creative anger. To harbor all this anger, hurt and fear will only harm you as sickess and pain will be all that you have.
1/11/2006 10:53 am
I know you don't ilke couples, but if you have that much energy should have tryed both at the same time, that would have been super nice, for you. LOL|
1/15/2006 1:15 am
What a coincidence... I worship the pussy. hehehe... But, I guess what guy doesn't? Finding someone to match your own energy is hard. You have lot's of sifting to do girl(as we all). Sift well, is all I have to say. |
Life *is* a gift and should be taken without expectation. Expectation is usually a form of attachment. As in the buddhist philosophy, attachment usually leads to suffering. For some people it's hard to imagine detachment; because as kids we are taught to be attached.
There is so much to enjoy in life when you slow it down and Shut the continual yapping of the mind and be in the present. Not too many people stop to listen to what their body is telling them and connect with the environment. You would be surprised at how a lot of lifes issues physically manifested themselves as a result. What is ironic is that these attachments and issues manifest themselves quite literally. Example: I knew someone that carries a heavy load (at work *and* in life). She had lots of problems with letting go of her attachment to her own expectations and the expectations of and from others, to where she phycially tenses certain parts of her body. You can physically tell that she was carrying a heavy load on her shoulders. As time went on, she wound up having lots of neck and shoulder problems to the point to where she could not work anymore. It's amazing how literal the body can react certain energy.
Speaking of energy (good energy). That is a very cute picture of you.
2/15/2006 12:09 am
"Men, I adore them and worship the penis." lmao |
I'm sorry...I'm just imagining a bunch of feminists genuflecting in front of a huge penis shaped idol.
But other than that...vety spiritual. Yes..something to do with attachment. I've had to read your post a few times to get a grasp of what your trying to say.
Sex positive...that sounds interesting.
You know....I wish I understood you, I really do. It soulds like it would help me alot.