Sheltered, Shamed and Short-changed  

yagottalikit 49F
824 posts
7/7/2005 5:47 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sheltered, Shamed and Short-changed

My (late) husband used to deny, deny, deny to the ends of the, he certainly did not masturbate. EVER! But, I knew better. (kinda smart, ain't I?) Well, I was relatively sure I knew better. I remember the first time I caught him in the act. He was in the shower...I walked in and lo and behold.....I quietly slipped back out the door, leaving it ajar so I could watch for a moment or however long it took! He remained unaware (for a while). What I felt while watching him, at that moment, was a myriad of emotion. I felt hurt (choosing himself over me?). I felt smug (I knew it!). I felt very turned on (truly hot). I felt guilty (I shouldn't be watching without his knowledge). The guilt must not have been too overwhelming, since I basically tried to catch him as often as possible after that. (But, that's for another post)

I suppose his reasons for denying run pretty deep. I guess I was fortunate to have been raised in a realistic, honest and openminded family. We weren't made to feel ashamed about much of anything (may have been reminded a time or two about "private" acts being just that.)

Far too many people I have known were sheltered so much as adolescents that they didn't know certain biological realities. I've had girlfriends who were never told about that monthly monster. It just happened and they were scared out of their wits. They, then were given some brief explanation and were left feeling it's a dirty thing. I would've thought we had moved beyond such insanity.

Are we living in a world that still shelters their children so much that it's harmful? Was my upbringing a rare occurrence? My parents told me the TRUTH about anything I asked regarding sex. (and I asked plenty, just to see them squirm). They never squirmed...they gave me facts and their opinions. I was armed with knowledge. I was never judgmental of anyone's preferences. I was enlightened.

Why would someone allow their children to face puberty and beyond with little or no information? How can they see this as protective? Were you sheltered? What effect would you say it had/has on your sexual activities?

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

(Juan S)
2642 posts
7/7/2005 9:18 am

i wasn't able to ask my parents too much, not because they might not have answered my questions, but I was just to nervous to ask. I guess I turned out to be such a well educated Perv because I entered the music biz at a young age. I produced my first record at the age of 16. I've toured with rock bands, jazz, gospel, r&b and funk. Lemme tell ya, groupies are a learning experience unlike any other.

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
7/7/2005 10:04 am

Groupies...hmmm.....perhaps I taught you a thing or two back in the day????

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/7/2005 10:18 am

As Larry would say..."I never masturbate. I was cleaning it once and it went off!"

I think there has to be a happy balance between healthy parental input and Michael Jackson.

[blog talldarkavg1]

rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
7/7/2005 3:14 pm

we have always been open with our kids about sex or anything else they wanted to know about. I grew up in a house where love was openly shown. My parents used to take showers together all the time. This may not seem like a big deal but in the late fifties and early sixties it was pretty out there. We talk to our kids about protection and abstinence. Being realistic, I don't think for one minute that abstinence will work on teenagers with raging hormones. So protection gets the biggest focus. I have offered to provide condoms and told them that sex without them should not even enter their minds. We have traveled to places where nudity on public beaches was the norm and people of all ages were in various states of dress. I would say that my upbringing, viewing sex as a good thing, gave me a head start in my desire to please my partner because I didn't have any hang-ups to get over before I could please my partner. To this day there is very little, if anything, I wouldn't do with my wife sexually. I have even masturbated for her, putting on the best show I could for her. It must have worked because she had to do the same while watching me!

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
7/7/2005 11:36 pm

Tall - ya think? You're too funny for your own good.

Nik - Sounds like you and your wife have a balanced, loving relationship and are raising wise children with healthy views...Kudos to you, sexy!

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

shaved4ualover 56M
4 posts
7/8/2005 4:13 pm

I remember that when I was in the 6th grade my father and I went to my school for a group lecture of " the talk" I remember that it was a room of about 40 to 50 dad's and son's. They showed us a movie and " encouraged" us to ask question. This was a madatory "class" At that stage in my life I had not even the slightes clue, nor the slightes interest in the oposite sex. It was terrible. We never dicussed, nor did I ever ask any questions from him. I had not thought of this in years until I saw this blog. Knowing my Father as I do, I qpreciate him even more. We may not have discussed these things... but if push came to shove Pop was willing to try..

PailsDiverHonks 55F

7/8/2005 7:27 pm

I'm 3 of 7 I can't say I was sheltered but everything I learned young I learned from my brothers and sisters. I guess mom and dad were to busy making babies.
I'm very open with my kids. Especially my daughter. Son is at that age (14) where mom is not cool but when the time comes I'll be just as open with him.

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
7/9/2005 12:24 am

I would venture to guess that most of us on this site are pretty open and forthcoming with our children. Considering we'd have to be pretty comfortable with our own sexuality to even be here.....Thanks to all of you for stopping by and leaving comments.

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

TopFisher 63M

7/11/2005 1:51 pm

Cloaked in ignorance and shame might be better words than sheltered.

For that we can thank many things in our world.

Thank goodness for the internet today, our young ones can get REAL information. Though all too often they still get misinformation. STILL!! frustrating for sure.

Now how come you made your hubby so uncomfortable with his whackin off? DAAUM, you should have gotten nakid and joined him, without a word. Then leave without a word when he is done.

Now that would have been interesting, don't ya think?

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