Me? A Contradiction?  

yagottalikit 49F
824 posts
6/29/2005 1:21 pm

Last Read:
9/5/2007 11:42 am

Me? A Contradiction?


Since posting my profile last November, I have received countless messages from those who simply wanted to compliment me on my ability to express myself through written words. Although I’ve had no formal training, writing has always been a passion of mine. I just feel that I communicate much more effectively in writing than I do orally. (ummmmm……let me rephrase that. more than speaking the words.) So, when someone praises me for what I have written, I can’t help but feel a sense of pride. We all want reassurance and confirmation that we’re good at something we love to do. Needless to say, when I do receive feedback that is less than flattering, well...…I feel compelled to lead that person down the path of understanding me and what I have written.

A specific case in point:
Soon after joining this site, I received a message that basically said this….
“I have pondered and re-pondered what you wrote in your profile and can’t help but see contradiction. Your handle screams “sex, sex, sex”, yet, you go to great lengths to
describe your need for something more”

This caused quite an uproar in my mind. I perceived his message as critical and altogether negative, though not mean spirited. Basically, it appeared that he had no interest in me other than to judge me and point out the mixed signals it sends.

So, I promptly checked him out. What I read spoke volumes …..married but separated about a year, his profile reeked of anger, bitterness and altogether disillusionment. Not only resulting from his pending divorce but from the 2 or 3 encounters he had experienced through this site. He was straightforward and brutally honest. He clearly took responsibility for his part in his dissolving marriage.

I read his profile several times. No. I studied, memorized, it before making the decision to respond. I felt I needed a valid reason to acknowledge him in any way, shape or form. The fact is….I was indignant…
Why should I give a rat’s patooty about this guy not understanding me? After all, isn’t it my goal to weed out the ones that don’t “get” me? Clearly that’s the case here. Furthermore, he’s “no-mans-land” ‒ separated and bitter. Dangerous territory, in any case. But, the fact is, he “dissed” me, and now I must make him see the error of his ways and convince him that I am worthy of his adoration. (Whether I want it
or not.) Yeah, yeah. I know I suffer from the old “want what we can’t have” syndrome. Awareness is the first step to recovery. I’m aware. Rest easy.
I came up with 3 basic reasons to grace him with a return message:
1st ‒ how dare he not have an interest in
me! (hey, we all feel that way when rejected)
2nd ‒the poor, misguided, broken man
obviously just needs me to clarify things in
order for him to “get” me
3rd- I read between the lines in his profile
and saw the humor and irony in his sarcasm.
I “got” him.

I was ready to rumble! Let the games begin! My initial response went something like this:
"While my handle screams sex, sex, sex, it quite simply is a song that I love. It seemed appropriate for this site. Furthermore, it can be translated 2 ways……ya gotta lick it (the intentional meaning) or ya gotta like it. I’ll admit “Ya gotta get it soft and wet so we can kick it” pretty much seals the sexual innuendo deal. It’s a screen name ~ not a requirement, request or criteria.(although…....) As far as my assertion that I desire (demand) something more than just sex; like everyone else, I deserve respect and honesty from anyone I meet. From this site or otherwise. It simply states that while I am comfortable with my sexuality and unafraid to do what feels good without guilt
or shame ‒ I am not looking to “hook up” with those who have no intention or desire to attempt to know me.”

With a smug grin and a silent “so there!” I firmly clicked send, feeling quite satisfied I’d put him in his place……

Some friendly yet competitive banter between us led to a challenge on the pool table. We soon discovered that we were very much alike and matched wits with absolute ease. He admitted he was pleasantly surprised by my wicked sense of humor. My “firecracker” personality was refreshing……”HA! I WIN! I have succeeded - he adores me…..” I also won 2 outta 3 pool games.

It didn’t take long to realize that we genuinely liked each other ‒ which, naturally, caused major concern on both sides. God forbid, we might actually have some sort of connection that could lead to (gasp) “something more”. One thing during our brief whatcha-call-it stands out and irritates me. In reference to some jealousy issues he was having, he stated, “I can’t expect anything different. I just have to remember how we met. Through a “sex site”. This hurt immensely! Not only were his jealousy feelings unwarranted, but that label he placed on me the moment he saw my screen name, was still there. I thought we had cleared that up.

This whole interaction leaves me wondering if his attitude is the norm. Am I wrong to feel that one can be open and honest about their sexual preferences while still keeping their integrity intact? Do sensual and sexual translate to cheap and easy?

I hope that I have provoked at least some of you to think about your view of others who have joined this site for their own reasons. Maybe you will remember that the screen name you’re corresponding with is a human being with real feelings, wants, needs and desires. This concept is lost in cyberspace all too often. We all deserve kindness and respect. Posting on this site does not exempt us from the basics. Common courtesy. We’re not automatically excused for inconsiderate behavior.

I want it understood that my “friend” and I parted with absolutely no hard feelings and he was very adamant about how much he liked me, not just sex with me (although, he also said I was the best he’d EVER had) I’m choosing to believe that. He wasn’t a jerk. He wasn’t a “screen name”. He wasn’t a profile. He was simply “no-mans-land”.

Although, no one could know who he is, I feel I should make the above clear. He deserves that.
And, I just wanted a reason to throw in that part about me being the best he ever had………….

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


TopFisher 63M

6/29/2005 5:08 pm

yagotta,

If this were posted on another site that I frequent you would be gatting a label called "Attention Whore".

Meeting on AdultFriendFinder is the equivalent to chasing babes in bars, lets face it, AdultFriendFinder is NOT a typical match maker site. Right off the bat the boards associated with AdultFriendFinder push it from the standpoint of hooking up. Meeting somebody from here would indeed be different and cause one pause. I would have the same paused moment of thought also. It means nothing it was just a, NOT what we normally would call, a Normal place that we expect to meet a person that is looking for an ltr or more. I don't think he gave you a lable, I think created it to cover your own anger at his jealousy issues, which are another matter entirely.

Do they exist on here? Well you are here and I've seen others. I see nothing wrong with it either. With a single exception, don't get so bent when you do get attention you did not ask for specifically. It will happen and I'll bet you already have had such happen too.

I'm just disovering the blogs and other way of talking to the folks around this site. It's fun too. I'll not ever meet the majority of those that share a bit of themselves on here either.

Well such are some of my thoughts shared with you about your thoughts.


yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
6/29/2005 9:40 pm

Yes....I am an "attention whore"! While I understand and even appreciate what you're saying, the point I was trying to get across is that people should be treated as such, even if they happen to join a sex site. Not sure how you deduced I was angry over his jealousy....that's kind of funny, though. What if, in that particular case, we clicked to the point that we ended up in a ltr - Would his expectations of me forever be lower because of how we met?

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


TopFisher 63M

6/30/2005 4:06 pm

You see I'm thinking you missed my point, His comment about meeting at a sex site was sort of an ironey. It's different, sorta like , we first met when he showed up at the wrong address for a party, but nobody knew he was at the wrong party till later in the evening when he figured he knew nobody there and nobody there knew him! It's the irony that two parties going on, he got into the wrong one, but met a gret gal by doing so.

I really do not think his words meant anything more drastic than that.

Well such would be for the normal person.

------"This hurt immensely! Not only were his jealousy feelings unwarranted, but that label he placed on me the moment he saw my screen name, was still there. I thought we had cleared that up."

There is such a fine line that seperates hurt from anger and usually colored a faint grey.

Jealousy is an ugly color I think for everybody. Especially for a real indpendant person. It's like someone attempting to take over a part of your freedom. 100% of the time it will cause a problem.

And yes as I reread the full context of how it came up, I too think he was probably throwing a razor at you.

Your friend was still seperated, still holding some anger, due exactly what, he lashed out at you. Wrong time to be with him I suppose.

----"This whole interaction leaves me wondering if his attitude is the norm. Am I wrong to feel that one can be open and honest about their sexual preferences while still keeping their integrity intact? Do sensual and sexual translate to cheap and easy? "

Yes they can. No it does not.

Yes people should treat others with respect and kindness. BUT, one must remember again the intent of sites such as this one. There are many other places where those you interact with come to the plate with an entirelly different set of expectations.


yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
6/30/2005 9:18 pm

touche'

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
7/1/2005 9:06 am

Thank you so very much MaleNurse. I had truly hoped that more than a few people would see where I am coming from. I have started to believe that I can't complain about something that is so blatantly advertised as a place to find sex. I like that you point out the ADULT part of it. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. I'm an adult. I enjoy sex. I am not above "no-strings" sexual encounters. I simply ask that one would make an effort to...say...ask me my name before "let's @#&*". I really don't think that is asking for much. And you do write very well! I hope you intend to put your two cents in more often!

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


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