How Healthy is your Relationship?  

xxxVelvetgirlxxx 50F
68 posts
8/9/2006 1:57 am

Last Read:
1/13/2007 4:05 pm

How Healthy is your Relationship?

The following are two lists of Healthy, and Unhealthy relationships. Some relationships have a combination of both, but when the relationship has more of the Unhealthy qualities, it is time to take a hard look at the relationship, and decide to either make changes in the behaviors, or to access whether the relationship is toxic.

Is the Relationship Healthy?

 Have fun together more often than not
 Each enjoy spending time separately, with your own friends, as well as with each other’s friends
 Always feel safe with each other
 Trust each other
 Are faithful to each other if you have made this commitment
 Support each other’s individual goals in life, like educational or career goals
 Respect each other’s opinions, even when they are different
 Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing at each other, or making threats
 Both accept responsibility for your actions
 Both apologize when you’re wrong
 Have equal decision making power about what you do in your relationship
 Each has an equal say in financial matters
 Are proud to be with each other
 Encourage each other’s interests, like sports and leisure activities
 Have some privacy your letters, diary, personal phone calls are respected as your own
 Have close friends and family who like the other person and are happy about your relationship
 Never feel like you’re being pressured for sex
 Communicate about sex, if your relationship is sexual
 Allow each other space when you need it
 Always treat each other with respect


Is the Relationship Unhealthy?

 Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating
 Puts the other down by calling names, cursing, or making the other feel bad about him or herself
 Yells at and treats the other like a child
 Doesn’t take the other person, or things that are important or him/her, seriously
 Doesn’t listen when the other talks
 Frequently criticizes the other’s friends or family
 Pressures the other for sex or makes sex hurt or feel humiliating
 Has ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave
 Cheats or threatens to cheat
 Tells the other how to dress
 Has ever grabbed, pushed, hit or physically hurt the other
 Blames the other for our own behavior (“If you hadn’t made me mad, I wouldn’t have…”)
 Embarrasses or humiliates the other
 Smashes, throws, or destroys, things
 Tries to keep the other from having a job or furthering his/her education
 Makes all the decisions about what the two of you do
 Tries to make the other feel crazy or plays mind games
 Goes back on promises
 Acts controlling or possessive, like you own your partner
 Uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for hurtful behavior
 Ignores or with holds affection as a way of punishing the other
 Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs


This list made available from “The Victoria Women’s Transition House”


lookingforfun54 60M
86 posts
8/9/2006 3:03 am

The unhealthy sounds like my relationship with my soon to be ex.


carm20064 58M

8/9/2006 5:10 am

Hello velvet girl really loved what you wrote, it makes perfect senses, We all know why we are on the AdultFriendFinder site and it baffles me when i see people getting a bit jealous. I've just met a lady last month for a MFM fantasy that she wanted to experience and she had a male friend(not a boyfriend) to attend too and I relly felt like i was a fifth wheel at time. I love performing oral on woman so i had lots and lots of fun (and so did she) but that's all i did because when i was ready to go further he would get there first wich by the time he was done she was tired. They're not speaking with each other anymore as she told him about what he did and she realised that he was jealous of sharing her, Why some people on AdultFriendFinder are like that is behond me. I've also met a couple who played with them and again i was told that he was'nt to happy with that either. A good thing came out of that though as i'm going to see that lady sometime soon and we'll be all alone for a week-end of pure raw sex can't wait for that yumyum. Anyway keep on doing the thing you do hun and maybe we'll connect someday for drinks and maybe more. Ciao for now.


ZZ_Todd 59M

8/9/2006 7:09 am

Since I'm presently not in a relationship, a "traditional" relationship, that is, I can't say one way or the other. BUT, when I consider the "relationship" I have with the folks around here, in the blogs, then, yes... that is a very healthy relationship. All those things in the top part of this post apply.


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