Letting Go...  

xolookin4loveox 41F
10 posts
11/22/2005 11:06 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Letting Go...


Well, yesterday I officially began the process of letting go. I met with a lawyer and signed papers to file for divorce. This was absolutely, unequivocally the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. This meant letting go of any hope, false or otherwise, that I had that things would change between me and my beloved. This meant the beginning of a long line of "letting gos": memories (good and bad), hopes, fears, joys, dreams, etc...

Today, I want to share something that was written to me a little over 11 years ago. Something that I have literally held onto by keeping it with me in my wallet for the last eleven years. In fact, as most women do, it has even made the transfer from one purse to another over the last eleven years. Today, I will put it out here. Today, I will also put it away, in a new place, a place not so close to my broken heart and ... let it go ...


"I have decided that words can come really cheap and that they are a lot esier to say than actually do. As I sit here by the phone and wait for you to get to your room, I am busy in my mind trying to sum up how I feel because it is all so overwhelming. So much has happened in the last seven days it is imipossible to know where to even begin. I know I can begin by saying I love you with nothing more than the grace of God's strength helping me. There is a joy that I feel from knowing you that is nothing less than unexplainable and even I can't begin to comprehend it. God has made you very dear to me. It is weird to sit by the phone and feel like a sixth grader when I call and talk to you and get that middle school feeling when I see you. But through that God has taught me something, that I am using childlike faith in our relationship, something I have never thought of using with other people before. The kind of trust and excitement that comes from trusting God and trusting you 110%. I want to be the ideal person for you. I want you to be so proud of me when you hear my name and be completely secure in the fact that I love you and only you. I want to be the best husband one day and best spiritual leader of the household that I can be and I believe it all starts now and that that is something that doesn't start when we are married. I want to be to you someone who never fails or falters in these things and someone you would never, ever for one moment consider doubting."

I will always love you ...

With every separation "from" something... there is always a separation "to" something else...

I...I head off to see where this road leads...for now, I am separating myself "to" the Maker of All Things in Heaven and on Earth...

xolookin4loveox 41F
3 posts
11/26/2005 7:28 pm

Thanks for commenting, Jezzy. I've heard a lot about you, and I know that you are a big supporter of D's. I appreciate you being his "ears" lately. I know he's needed someone to share with. I have to admit that there has been some jealousy where you and Bunny are concerned. But, I'm adult enough to admit that the jealousy only comes from a broken heart, and because of the fact that I wish I were the one who he was sharing his heart with.

I don't want you to feel strange when you comment on here. In fact, if you ask Daryl, he'll tell you that I have commented to him a time or two that I thought the two of us have a lot in common and could probably be good friends. We share a lot of the same convictions and spiritual gifts.

Anyway, feel free to come in and comment any time. I don't know how much longer I will be using this site. I think I am going to stick with the Yahoo 360 Blog that I have been using, instead. We'll see.

Jenn<><


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