Deciphering Online Personals Ads - Part Duex  

womanoirish 53F
346 posts
2/8/2006 8:28 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Deciphering Online Personals Ads - Part Duex

In keeping with the topic of my blog, I thought it worthwhile to show that much sympathy should be given to both sexes of Singlehood who are interested in Dating (properly capitalized to show their importance). Unfortunately, I’m only able to analyze these from the female perspective but males are encouraged to make their own comments about female ads they’ve seen. The potential landmines of dating only get worse as one gets older as there are more years for bad baggage to accumulate. The following are excerpts from an online dating website (not A F F), exactly as published on the website, misspellings included. My slightly cynical, but based on experience, translations follow each profile.

Profile #1 Intensly living life w/ passion, utilizing a healthy commen sence and creativeness.I trully see things as they really are w/o deceptions. I am spiritually, emotionally,(phisically and materally, after finalizing a lower back issue soon) fit. Just reciving my real estate licence and have a (beef, turkey and working on soy)jerky business. I love to just jump into the car and enjoy california's outdoors, especially the water - I teach windsurffing. I have also been a chef, restauranteur for 24 yrs. and love to cook for a candle lit dinner for two. I have been clean and sober for seven yrs., enjoy going out for coffee and good conversation.If your the right woman that has been presented for me then our destiny, life togther as one, has begun. Life is short live it!

Translation I’m a recovering alcoholic/drug abuser who doesn’t know how to use spell-check, haven’t been able to hold a job for longer than six months and possibly have sexual performance problems due to chronic back pain and substance abuse so don’t expect too much. Or I’m a recovering alcoholic/drug abuser who has fallen off the wagon and typed this ad while loaded/high. Dude, look at the pretty colors! His profile by the way was titled “Living in the Moment.”

Profile #2 I want to describe myself without sounding too much like a loud mouth brag, but I also I don't want to sell myself too short. What I would like to say is that I am honest, sincere and hard working. I spend alot of my time working, but when I am not, I enjoy working out, listening to music, dancing, watching/playing sports and movies. If you share any of these values, then go ahead and give me a try.

Translation Workaholic who has mistaken being at the job 24/7 as “values” instead of “insane.” He will barely pay attention to you but once he finally does throw some attention your way, will not shut-up about himself. Completely uninterested in any of your hobbies or activities because he hasn’t any himself. The bit about “dancing, listening to music, playing sports,” etc is a lie to fool you into thinking he is a well-rounded individual. The working-out part looked to be true for about two days per week. Also totally lazy and selfish in the sex department ‒ get used to always being on-top, girlfriend.

Profile #3 Healthy, active, professional male. I have a full time job on the civillian side and also am very active in the National Guard (Combat Medic). I travel extensively and stay quite busy.I love reading, camping/fishing and cooking and I'm one of the best BBQers on Earth. I'm seeking an open-minded nice girl who would love to share her down time with me.

Translation Middle-aged, horny, pretentious, married man with nearly non-existent sex life going through mid-life crisis. The key is “open-minded” which means he’s hoping he can find someone who doesn’t mind the fact he has a wife and 3 kids at home. The “down time” is the time he can spare away from his job and family in order to spend with potential girlfriend, but he won’t ever be able to tell you when that time is. You're just supposed to wait around for him to show up. The bit about seeking a “nice” girl means that while he will go home and probably have sex with his wife or other girlfriend you don’t know about, you will not be allowed to have sex with or date anyone else while having this affair. The National Guard ‒ Combac Medic part might be true, but he uses that as an excuse to wife in order to justify time spent with potential girlfriend. I’d asked to see his military ID card, just to be sure. “Best BBQer on Earth” means he is too cheap to ever take you out to eat. His profile included a picture of him in a bubble bath with a can of beer and was titled “More than a dream.” Believe me, ladies, this one sounds like a nightmare.

DTduzDallas 50F

2/9/2006 7:15 am

lmao I like the concept of # 3...I hope it's short-lived phase I'm going through. And I love BBQ lol...

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
2/10/2006 12:19 am

Have to say that I'm afraid you're right on all of them.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/10/2006 7:37 am

Nice analysis. Too bad we can't disect some of the ones on this site.

elysianpleasure 47M

2/10/2006 8:03 am


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
2/10/2006 8:36 am

Jeeze. It's a tough audience out there. Da heck with dating online entities. I'm gonna go read a book.

gnr8nrg 45M

2/10/2006 9:30 am

I'm afraid of what you'd say about mine, but I would find it entertaining.


2/10/2006 1:30 pm

How do you come up twith this stuff? First visit so I've been catching up. 1hotwahine sent me and I'm so glad she did!

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

MrNuttz05 49M

2/10/2006 6:03 pm

My 1st visit as well. I think you are a natural... Great BLOG! And oh so true.... A cynical woman with bobbies will always have a place in my heart

Become a member to create a blog