Deciphering Online Personals Ads  

womanoirish 54F
346 posts
10/18/2005 1:16 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Deciphering Online Personals Ads

Found this the other day while surfing the ‘net and thought it was amusing, considering I’ve entered the online dating world myself and find I have to sometimes read between the lines. I'm sure the men have their own list.

Code Word Really Means
40-ish 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Affectionate Needy and looking for mother- figure

Artist Delicate ego badly in need of massage

Athletic Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average-looking Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back

Distinguished-looking Fat, grey, and bald

Educated Will always treat you like an idiot

Employed On management track at Radio Shack

Financially Secure I will spend some money on you, in return for which I will expect you to obey my every whim for the duration of your mortal life.

Free Spirit Sleeps with your sister

Friendship first As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking Arrogant bastard

Honest Pathological Liar

Huggable Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben

ISO Slim Would be better off with a labrador retriever

Light drinker Headed for AA

Like to cuddle Insecure, overly dependent

Like romantic walks on the beach I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear

Logical Dumb as a box of rocks, but thinks he's smarter than you

Mature Until you get to know him

Open-minded Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested

Physically fit I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself

Poet Once wrote on a bathroom stall while constipated

Professional Owns a white button down

Reliable Shows up on time-give or take 3 hours

Self-employed Jobless and eats nachos all weekend

Sensitive Needy

Smart Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV"

Spiritual Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter

Stable Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Thoughtful Says "Please" when demanding a beer

Virile Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out

Young at heart Pedophile

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