To Tell The Truth...  

wistfuljester 64M
1259 posts
8/25/2006 2:10 pm

Last Read:
9/1/2006 11:51 pm

To Tell The Truth...


I have no idea if what I'm about to post is going to make any sense at all.

I know that we all have insecurities; for some damned reason, we all have to struggle with that little voice inside of us that says, "If he or she knew what I'm REALLY like, I'd be rejected". Because of it, we tend to preen intellectually, spritiually and physically, afraid to completely show who we really are. We really don't mean to lie--we're just trying to "put the best foot forward", even if we end up looking like we're playing a game of Twister.

God forbid that anyone should ever think that sometimes I'm stupid, or angry, or that I sometimes pick my nose or fart!

Meanwhile, we have built-in expectations about the people we encounter; I often think that we all shudder if we meet someone with a "defect" similar to our own, because it scares us to realize we're not alone.

Now, isn't that ironic, that we are sometimes scared--rather than relieved--to find out that others share our own weaknesses?

I think it's because we don't really want to accept others as they are, although we desperately need to be accepted for what WE are. What we really want is someone to cover us where we have cracks, without judging us.

When I look back on my life, I can see at least a dozen times that I rejected those who extended their hands to me, because I was either afraid of my own shortcomings, or of theirs. While I wouldn't say that I was always wrong, I'd still have to admit that I was wrong far too often. Why? Because i was afraid.

I was afraid they wouldn't like me once they knew me, or I was afraid that I wouldn't like them. Ultimately, I think I was just too lazy and self-absorbed to get involved in "messy" human feelings.

Shame on me!

It hurts to admit that truth about myself, but I think it's true.

Do I believe that total honesty is the best policy for all of us? Sure. Can I do that? Maybe not, unless I find someoe who makes me feel safe.

Do I WANT to do that? Oh, yes, yes, yes! I'm a romantic and a dreamer, so of course I do. Some would say my romantic dreaming is nothing but a delusion, while I would say that their cold hedonism is shallow.

Here's my honesty: physically, I'm 54, I have white hair, I smoke too much, and I'm 50 pounds overweight (30 of that is in my belly). Emotionally, I am dying to care for someone more than I care for myself.

Now, exactly HOW do I get a woman I meet online to accept all that?

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/25/2006 2:37 pm

I dunno, but I love what you have said here


wistfuljester replies on 8/25/2006 4:19 pm:
Thanks, Lianna. I appreciate your saying so.

007sexy40plus 50F  
7603 posts
8/25/2006 2:50 pm

It is a challenge finding people who will accept you for you. All I can say is love yourself and a good woman will find you and do the same. I struggled for acceptance from people here and all it did was cause me more grief. I was called a narcissist by a man for loving myself. I do love myself because if I don't love myself who else will love me?

love yourself!

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


wistfuljester replies on 8/25/2006 4:20 pm:
You are absolutely right about that. If we don't love ourselves, we're really not capable of loving others.

TonyPlays 64M

8/25/2006 3:08 pm

When I was younger I used to try and fuck women as soon as I could so that they wouldn't reallly get to know me because I thought they would reject me if they really knew me.

Now it's the complete opposite. I feel if any woman really got to know me she'd LOVE me with capital letters.

Just goes to show you how things change.

Hang in there.


wistfuljester replies on 8/25/2006 4:21 pm:
That's a great observation about yourself, and about life. Good for you!

Shelly_Marie 43F

8/25/2006 8:13 pm

jim, I used to be more that way before than I am now, and I always like being around people like that because I feel more relaxed that they arent going to judge me or criticize me. Nowadays, I dont care 'as much' and am learning to get out of that because everyday I encounter more people who are judgemental, selfish, introverted, or coldhearted, mean, or whatever and I realize that it is most of those types that have those opinions and just have opinions based on what they themselves think only and they are not intelligent enough to 'think outside of the box' so to speak, so anything that I do cant be any worse than that.

The right woman will accept all of that already and you wont have to do anything. It takes a while to find the right person though. I always figure, even if I never do find it, I always have myself and my hobbies and things that I enjoy by myself to keep me happy enough, although I do feel the need to feel love more now than years ago.

btw, if 30lbs is in your belly, then where is the other 20lbs?? LOL


wistfuljester replies on 8/25/2006 8:48 pm:
LOL...I suppose that extra 20 pounds is in my man-boobs, my ass and my other body parts. It sure as hell isn't in my penis...hahaha!

You make a lot of sense, Shelly, and that's why I count you as one of my best online friends.

Shelly_Marie 43F

8/25/2006 8:23 pm

jim, I used to be more that way before than I am now, and I always like being around people like that are like me in that way because I feel more relaxed that they arent going to judge me or criticize me. Nowadays, I dont care 'as much' and am learning to get out of worrying about what others think of the real me because everyday I encounter more people who are judgemental, selfish, introverted, or coldhearted, mean, only think of their own point of views, constantly make double standards, or whatever and I realize that it is most of those types that have those opinions and just have opinions based on what they themselves think only and they are not intelligent enough to 'think outside of the box' so to speak, so anything that I do cant be any worse than that.

The right woman will accept all of that already and you wont have to do anything. It takes a while to find the right person though. I always figure, even if I never do find it, I always have myself and my hobbies and things that I enjoy by myself to keep me happy enough, although I do feel the need to feel love more now than years ago.

a psychiatrist once told me when I was a teenager that when I was afraid of being judged by others that I should learn to judge them also. Basically, when someone judges you, judge them too. You have that right. I never really understood what good that would do until after all of these years. When I feel judged by someone I think to myself that they are not openminded and being openminded is a sign of intelligence, and those same people who judge are the ones who desperately need to look at themselves and see what is wrong with them to make them not understand that everyone is not like them.

btw, if 30lbs is in your belly, then where is the other 20lbs?? LOL hehehe


wistfuljester replies on 8/25/2006 8:53 pm:
Shelly, a lot of people don't realize that we can judge without being hateful about it.

In truth, we ALL make judgments every day, about everything in our lives. It's wrong to assume that "judging" always equals "negative"!

Sweetie, you have a lot to offer someone, and I hope you find him. Of course, I hope I find HER, too...lol.

We are so far apart, and I think I'm outside your age preference, too--still, I think you're a great person!

rm_KarmoHunny 54F
888 posts
8/26/2006 6:40 pm

With the way society is, it's a wonder that we all don't hate ourselves to the point of suicide! We're either too fat, or too bald, don't have a toned core, our teeth aren't white enough, we aren't youthful enough, we aren't active enough, we aren't pretty or handsome enough, blah, blah, blah. It's a wonder that people actually find others to have a relationship with who accept them as they are.

It's like we're supposed to be perfect. How can that be in an imperfect world? Is it a wonder that so many people are alone and lonely? Is it a wonder that many people don't like themselves? I don't have any answers to the ills of society. It would just be great if people were nice to and accepting of each other. Is that too much to ask? I think not.

Peace


wistfuljester replies on 8/27/2006 7:32 am:
All very excellent points my dear--as usual!

Shelly_Marie 43F

8/28/2006 8:25 pm

thanks Jim. I meant people who judge in a narrow-minded way.


wistfuljester replies on 8/28/2006 9:22 pm:
Yes, I got that. I was just posting in sympathy with what you said.

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