The Dirty Old Man's Guide to Shopping Malls  

wistfuljester 64M
1259 posts
8/11/2006 6:23 pm

Last Read:
8/13/2006 1:26 pm

The Dirty Old Man's Guide to Shopping Malls

At the mall, here are some of the fun things you can do:

1. If you take a girl with you to go shopping, after she drags you around 40 stores in 4 hours, you'll be too tired to be horny.

2. During the Christmas season, sit on Santa's lap. Convince him that when the girl you're with sits on his lap, he should tell her that YOU are what she really wants for Christmas.

3. Get your aerobics workout by actually trying to find a store; get extra points for stopping to look at every single Directory in the mall in the process.

4. Eat at the food court. The high fat and cholesterol content will leave you in a daze that will make you incapable of feeling anything but sleepy.

5. Hang out in Victoria's Secret with a hopeful look on your face (keep the zipper closed, bucko, no need to get arrested!)

6. Go into the video gaming place and hang out with all the teenagers while they bleep and blap and boom. If that doesn't at least give you a headache to take your mind off your boredom, nothing will.

7. Get something at Starbucks. Enjoy the caffeine buzz as you jitterbug down the mall.

8. Watch the sexy girls! Drool endearingly.

9. Wear a trenchcoat and a big grin on your face. Watch the people hasten to give you a wide berth.

10. Go up to all the pretty women and say, "Kiss me, baby, I've been vaccinated!"

SuzieQ4U60 61F

8/11/2006 10:05 pm

I am SO glad you are back. I missed you!


wistfuljester replies on 8/12/2006 5:16 pm:
Thanks, sweetie!

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