Sexual Attraction vs. Monogamy?  

wistfuljester 64M
1259 posts
4/22/2006 12:30 pm

Last Read:
11/28/2006 5:20 pm

Sexual Attraction vs. Monogamy?

A newer member of my group Older And Younger For All recently posted the following topic. I posted a reply to it, although with the absolute chaos groups are in right now, God only knows when or if my reply will ever show up. Anyway, here is what he had to say:

True sexual attraction is not defined by age or other factors. I have had sexual feelings for women of all ages. Sexual chemistry has no limits but unfortunately sociological mores and pressure from others limit people from acting on these impulses. I want to explore all my impulses and urges without abandon. I am and always want to be a totally free being and want to meet like minded souls.

I feel true sexual attraction does not allow for monogamy as practiced. Too many people are running around with repressed sexual drives. While it is possible to love only one person, sexually people are attracted to and should have sex with many partners. Sex and love are not the same.

And here was my response:

I agree that sex and love are not the same thing, but to me they compliment each other to make the best experience. Personally, I have the need for an emotional connection before I'm willing to be sexually involved with a lady. That does not mean we have to rush off and get married; still...

Have I ever had one-night-stands? Yes. Did I enjoy them? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Do I wish to repeat those experiences? No, not really.

I was also involved in a couple of "friends with benefits" relationships in my younger years, and they were quite enjoyable. Still, there was always something missing for me.

I understand that some people are not made to be monogamous, but I also believe that most of us are. While it may be true that I am sexually attracted to a lot of women, that doesn't mean that I feel compelled to act on it, any more than I feel compelled to act on the urge to slap some people silly, or rob a bank because I want more creature!

Humans have emotional needs and well as physical ones. To me, it is no accident that most animals only have mating "seasons", while we humans are capable of sexual desire on a daily basis. Most animals also have rather perfuntory, rote rituals for mating, while we are capable of an almost infinite variety of intimacy. I believe this is because of our need for bonding, togetherness and affection.

I know some would argue that this is merely a biological function, because of the need to nurture our offspring for far longer than most animals. But if this is true, is it not because we are different creatures, with much more complex thoughts and emotions? Can anyone really deny that it is from being loved, and observing the love of others, that we learn to love ourselves and those around us?

Let us also not forget that the fundamental biological imperative behind sexual attraction is PROCREATION, and no amount of technology or rationalization is going to change that, any more than they can change our basic human nature. I would submit that the widespread disintegration of the nuclear family for the last 50 years has been the greatest single cause of children growing up to become miserable adults.

It may be that "too many people are running around with repressed sexual drives", but I strongly suspect that is more because a lot of people DO confuse love with sex, than it is that they need to have sex with many partners.

Well, I just felt like sharing this. Feel free to leave any comments you like!

rm_poppy1151 65F
1 post
11/28/2006 3:59 pm

If only I could slap some people silly, this world might be a better place. I believe that women more than men are made to be monagamous. It just seems to be something in our emotional makeup that is lacking in men. This isn't good or bad for either sex, it's just one of the things that makes us different. I know that sex is great, but love and sex is even better. I think those who have "repressed sexual drives" have never been in a healthy safe trusting relationship.

Maybe it's not the length of time we nurture our offspring, but the lengths we go to in order to spoil them.

wistfuljester replies on 11/28/2006 5:22 pm:
Your point is well-taken, but I will say that more men than you might think have that same emotional need.

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