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Here are two jokes for your enjoyment:
Back in the days of sailing ships, a young man signed on board one ship to be a sailor for the first time. Being a young man, after a few days on his first voyage he started to get horny. He went up to the first mate and asked, "Hey, I'm getting horny and there are no women on board, so what do you guys do to relieve yourselves?"
The first mate told him, "Well, you see that knothole in that barrel over there? When you get horny you go stick your dick in it. You can do that every night except Wednesday."
The new sailor replied, "Wednesday? Why not Wednesday?"
The first mate responded, "because Wednesday is your night in the barrel."
A man went home one night and found his wife in bed with another man. He grabbed the man by the scruff of the neck, hustled him out of the bedroom, through the kitchen, through the backyard, and into the toolshed, where he took him over to the workbench, opened up the vise, clamped the man's penis into to, broke the handle off the vise so the man could not get away, and then walked over to the far side of the shed, picked up a hacksaw, and started walking back toward the man.
"Oh my God," said the man, "you're not going to cut off my penis, are you?"
"Oh, no," said the husband turning the hacksaw around and handing it to the man, "I'm not. You are! I'm going outside and set the shed on fire."