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One Liners
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Jan 21, 2010 5:26 am
416 Views
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* How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
* Whats a male chauvinist pig? A guy who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
* Why didnt the flasher retire? He decided to stick it out for one more year.
* How can you tell a head nurse? Shes the one with the dirty knees.
* Why is air a lot like sex? It's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
* What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
* Whats the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on your face.
* Whats the different between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather
kinky is using the whole chicken.
* What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
* Why is a penis the lightest thing in the world? Even a thought can raise it.
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BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR
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Dec 23, 2009 6:50 am
385 Views
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If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine
the police officers credibility...
Q: Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.
Q: Officer -- who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes, sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do!
Q: And do you have a locker in the room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?
A: You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
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INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX:
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Dec 22, 2009 5:50 am
386 Views
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Global Facts . . .
At Any Given Moment:
FACT:
79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now.
FACT:
58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT:
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT:
1 old timer is reading BLOGS.
...You Hang in there Sunshine...
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Two Prostitutes -- $50.00
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Dec 1, 2009 6:23 am
418 Views
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Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
Two Prostitutes -- $50.00.'
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.
One of the girls asked the officer, 'How come you don't stop them?
Well, that's a little different, the officer smiled. Their sign pertains to religion.
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two Ho's driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.
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Boudreaux & The Cajun Bank Robber
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Dec 1, 2009 6:19 am
388 Views
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An armed hooded robber bursts into the one of the banks in Louisiana, and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
“Did anyone else see my face?” calls the robber.
There are a few moments of silence... then Boudreaux, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
I think my wife peeked'.......
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Rub the Uglies together
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Nov 25, 2009 2:37 pm
393 Views
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Doesn't anyone want to rub uglies together anymore?? Seems like everyone wants to blog and then the ones that don't do that are the girls and they just want to eat each other up. As I have said before the girls on here are eating up all the pussy and not leaving any for the guys!
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The New and Improved Cocksucker "The Bad Assed Witch"
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Nov 25, 2009 2:33 pm
408 Views
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This is to wish the "Bad Assed Witch" a Happy Thanksgiving, even though you may not celebrate it where you live. This also goes out to anyone else that does celebrate it. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.. Wild Bill
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Lesbians new house
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Nov 21, 2009 6:24 am
404 Views
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The two Lesbians next door are building a new house
It is built without any "studs"
and has "tongue and grove" flooring
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The Lesbians next door
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Nov 5, 2009 4:59 am
548 Views
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The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
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Lie Detector
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Nov 4, 2009 10:24 am
560 Views
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John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair..
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called S*x Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair..
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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The Wedding Test
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Oct 28, 2009 7:59 am
419 Views
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THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful
girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year,
and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me...
It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and
generally was bra-less.. It had to be deliberate.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me
to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered
to me that she had feelings and desires
for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,
and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her
go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was
standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law
hugged me and said, 'We are very
happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car..
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