Who's that man in the window?  

widowsaddiction 47F
166 posts
5/26/2006 1:29 pm

Last Read:
6/2/2006 3:58 pm

Who's that man in the window?

I have always wanted a stalker of my very own. Ok, maybe not a murderous, hurtful kind of stalker...maybe a shy stalker...but either way, I've always wanted one.

When I was 13 (and already looked like I was 20), we moved to a neighborhood that ended up being a hotbed of sexual activity for me...not always with my consent, but a lot happened there. Unfortunately, most of the individuals I was in contact with were no less than twice my age, and most times, three times my age. I was felt up, taken advantage of, molested and generally treated like a pervert's own personal playground.

During this time, there was a man, the brother of my mother's best friend who happened to live in this neighborhood. I don't remember a lot about him, but one thing that stands out vividly in my memory is the picture of him standing in the big picture window in his living room with his hands in his pockets, and just watching me. There were times when I was just playing in the streets, other times when something bad had just happened, and I would be on my way home. I would look up and to the right and there he was, always standing the same way, always watching. The odd thing was that I never felt weird about him, I always felt...protected.

It wasn't until I was an adult ( 18 ) and moved back to that neighborhood that I ever really talked with him. When I did, memories would wash over me about my childhood and I would cry. He would simply sit there until I reached out, and then he would hold me, until I stopped crying.

Our relationship did eventually turn sexual (surprise!), but the one overwhelming sense I always had about him was that he was my own personal, protective stalker, not just some creep taking advantage of the situation.

It wasn't until much later that I would come to find out that when I was a child, he would watch me come out of an apartment crying, and once he was sure that I was safely home, he would go to that apartment and beat the fear of God into every single one of the "men" that had hurt me.

My mother told me, he never did. He just watched me, loved me and protected me in his own odd way.

Thank you Rick.

goodatpoetry2 67M
13215 posts
5/26/2006 3:00 pm

That was a touching story.
He was special. Everyone needs someone to watch out for them, sometimes. Even a stranger.
I can relate to that well. Thank you.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
5/27/2006 12:14 am

... i find this quite disturbing ... more for what it doesn't say than what it does say ... why wasn't your mother protecting you?

[blog freelove999]

widowsaddiction 47F

5/27/2006 10:41 am

Good-Tank you for your comment, and welcome to my blog. Would you mind sharing how you relate to that?

Free-LOL, I should have realized YOU would pick up on that. That is the sad undertone to the story...I wasn't protected by her...ever. She didn't want kids, especially me and thus...she didn't care. The irony of it is the fact that she has had several health issues in the past few years and was in need of a protector. Guess who came to her rescue? Underneath it all, she's still my mother, but she will never be my mom, she never was.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
5/27/2006 2:19 pm

i cut off ties with my mother, not only because she didn't protect me, but she consciously refused to protect other girls in her environment from my brothers who had become child molesters. up until i cut her off, she would always talk about me as if i would look after her in old age, and i always recoiled at the suggestion. i know i would have to be pretty heartless not to if she really needed it, but the last thing i want is to wind up looking after her...

[blog freelove999]

bulging_boy 49M

5/31/2006 3:32 am

I too liked that story.

While Freelove picked up on the unspoken issues outside of the post, I'm happy for now to wallow in the warmth.

It sounds to me like you're one of these people that attract what you need to you. The protector when you had none.

If anything widow, that should make you realise you're pretty special.

Not everyone gets that in life.

widowsaddiction 47F

6/2/2006 3:56 pm

Good~I appreciate YOU and men like you out there watching over the innocent. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for your comment, and welcome to my blog!

Free~I think that took and extraordinary amount of strength, but I am so proud of you. Never regret it.

Mr. Bulge-errrrific~Thank you for this thought provoking post. I hadn't really thought of it that way, and I thank you for opening my eyes a bit.

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