The little things in life  

widowsaddiction 47F
166 posts
4/20/2006 6:39 pm

Last Read:
5/7/2006 8:01 pm

The little things in life

I am so affected by the smallest things around me right now. The moving shadows of the trees outside my window make me want to cry. The moth fluttering around helplessly searching for the light feels a bit too close to home at this moment. The way my fingers hit the keyboard...softly, gently when I think of the way you gathered me together....painful and angry when I think of how you tore me apart.

I am so angry, but I think I'm really the most angry with myself. I just can't figure out how I got here? Why am I still married to him? Why am I still thinking of you? Why do I fake orgasms? Why do I hate my....job, home, life, self? Was it a simple case of "bad choices" along the way? What guarantee do I have that the choices I may make to fix it all might not be yet another string of bad choices?

There are no guarantees in life. But I can guaranfuckingtee that things are about to change.

Something's got to give.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
4/20/2006 7:43 pm

I could feel your pain in this post. But hang can change things...starting with the way you think. Happier days are on the way.

SecretEarNoTears 47F  
766 posts
4/21/2006 11:22 am

I was just reading through the recent posts and found a really good one by 'lovelyLady' called "Gain emotional closure". I think we all go through this processes that you are...that I've even been through recently. It's a part of growing to let go.

Happier, better days are truly on the way.


4/23/2006 8:19 am

Hey widows, you're back as your old self!

I hope you stick around for awhile now 'cuase I hope you know that you are one of the original favorites that first began readin my blog.

And also I should tell you that even in just the little you said to me in my blog that you did help me make it through another winter without me going off the deep end. I've been skating right on the edge of that for the past few Xmas seasons.

Also take a look at my magnum opus Centurion of the Century's Celebratory 100th C-note Post . I remember that your comments about my first two list posts were quite encouraging to me so I felt certain that you'd like this newer monstrosity of a list. I spent nearly a week tied up in knots about doing that one too.

Well, it's too bad to hear that you are depressed. I still am a bit too but I'm ciming up from my lowest of all lows ever but ever upwardly I continue to go. Most of that depression can be figured out in that post. There is one major event that contributed to that depressiion that I did not mention at all there.

Stories like yours though do not do much to build confidence in the institution of marriage. Although seeing my parents' relationship also let me know that it can work.

Anyway I hope you start feeling better and that you also start blogging regularly.

I miss you !!!!!


p33c3y0 42M

4/24/2006 2:35 pm

just thought i would mention ... i'm feelin' ya on this one ...

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