The Eye of the Beholder  

widowsaddiction 47F
166 posts
5/17/2006 5:06 pm

Last Read:
5/25/2006 10:26 pm

The Eye of the Beholder

I dated a man about 4 years ago that was crazy about me. CRAZY about me. I have never felt so loved, so physically beautiful, so overwhelming wanted in my entire life. He loved every inch of my skin, loved my attitude, loved my mind and because of the intense attraction we had to one another, the sex was incredible.

So why am I not with him anymore? It seems that every time I feel validated, every time that someone pays a smidge of attention to me, it is in my biological makeup, my very DNA to RUN AS FAR AND FAST IN THE OTHER DIRECTION as I can.

I suppose I may as well accept that when it comes to men, I am looking for ONLY THOSE who will fuck with my head, break my heart and crush my spirit. The problem is....I'm not interested in accepting that anymore. I would rather have all or nothing.

Unfortunately, all I've got right now is..............nothing.

I don't know that I have the energy or stamina to nurture another mediocre relationship. That would require e mailing, IMing, meeting, kissing, fondling, getting naked and MAINTAINING, and I just don't think I have it in me. If I knew the man would be worth it in the end, if I felt that I could finally meet someone that might surprise me every now and then, I might move forward.

I guess I should have shared this with B. If he would have just paid some attention, made me feel worthy, I would have run, run, run, and we could have put this relationship to bed already. But..he didn't.

So....for now...these eyes are going to shut for a while.

Behold THAT.

Willysjeepcj2a 60M
109 posts
5/17/2006 7:09 pm

Well then there is the answer, dont run.

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