Love Line  

widowsaddiction 47F
166 posts
5/27/2006 11:02 am

Last Read:
6/5/2006 8:15 am

Love Line

Hi Dr. Drew...Adam, AdultFriendFinder readers. My name is Ms X, and I have a question.

The man that I have been crazy in love with, the man that was unattainable and not in love with me, the man that has been my obsession for the last seven years told me yesterday that he loved me.


Now, he is in the midst of some scary relationship issues with his SO, and so my thought is that he said it to try and "secure" my relationship with him in case things take a change in his current relationship.

However, there is a small part of me that wants to believe it's true.

What are your thoughts??

At this point, I kind of brushed it off as an emotional response to everything that is going on in his life. I told him not to say that, that it was my time to take care of him, not his to take care of me. I'm sure he has to realize that I've always wanted to hear it from him, but now that I have, I'm not sure that I can believe it. Perhaps part of that is because it was said over the phone. If he ever does say it, I want to look in his eyes, they will tell me the truth whether he wants the truth to come out or not. His eyes are awesome like that.

Oh, and AdultFriendFinder readers...this was my second ever "movie moment". We were chatting along, he said it, and I swear, the earth stood still. I flushed hot and cold at the same time and couldn't breathe. How ironic that I JUST wrote about my first "moment" just a few days ago.

Confusion reigns supreme.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
5/27/2006 2:16 pm

my thoughts on this are entirely partial, based on an experience i had... after being in love with someone for several years, and pursuing them every which way i knew how, eventually one new year, (when my husband called him) he asked to speak to me and said "i love you". i just about fell off my chair. i thought that meant the course of our relationship was about to change and it took several months for me to realise, things would stay just the same ... i have no idea what he meant when he said those words, nor why he chose that time to say them... i only know that nothing changed... he went on being distant, and unreachable and unattainable...

[blog freelove999]

SecretEarNoTears 47F  
766 posts
5/27/2006 7:37 pm

I will have to tend to agree with you're suspicion...he likely just wants to make there are strings somewhere he can still pull. Or, depending on what issues he's going through with his SO perhaps he could not tell her that he loved her and just needed to say it...that's always the hard one to bear but, I've had guys tell me that they've done that to women that they were only 'causual' with...just to get it off of their chest.

Good luck....and please, remember to take care of yourself first!

widowsaddiction 47F

5/28/2006 12:29 pm

Thank you both for your comments. I agree with both of you. I have a sneaking hunch that nothing will change at all. The only thing that pisses me off is the fact that he played that card at all. I never asked him to and never expected him to. While the majority of my makeup recognized it for what it probably was....fluff....there is a very intense streak in my heart that wants to believe it's true...that wants to believe he is going to confirm it face to face. Silly, silly girl.........


5/28/2006 1:13 pm

I also think your first hunch on this is correct.

It will more correct than anything else that you run through the intellectual portion of yourself. Use your your horse sense on this one not your grey matter.


p33c3y0 42M

5/30/2006 9:48 am

i was simply going to post "i love you". but then i thought you might not find that as funny as i do.

of course everyone else on here is exactly right. but more than that. he may actually believe that he does love you. the problem is that people have some really fucked up definitions of what love is. from what you've posted ... it definitely seems like he does ...

widowsaddiction 47F

5/30/2006 1:45 pm

KC-I think you're completely correct, and I appreciate the input. It's not really the gray matter that concerns me, it's the heart muscle that is giving me fits.

widowsaddiction 47F

5/30/2006 1:49 pm

P33-I love you too.
Seriously, I would have probably had my third ever "movie moment" and then fallen on the floor in fits of laughter had you said that. Next time, follow your gut!

I think he does love me in his own way, but I just find it a bit unfair that he chose to play that card that I am just beginning to find myself again.

Willysjeepcj2a 60M
109 posts
5/30/2006 4:30 pm

He first needs to resolve his issues with his S. O. befor you do anything.

bulging_boy 49M

5/30/2006 5:57 pm

I think it's a shame... a damned shame.

That you never answered my question.

Oh... and this guy? Sounds to me he's just tying you in emotionally for a long ride.

There's a lot of truth in what WillysJeep said. While rare, a guy in a relationship isn't going to provide you with any long term committment. He's most likey fooling himself as p33 said.

Gosh you get some clever readers!

mischief2555 65M/35F

5/31/2006 2:28 pm

Me being the complete optimist here. I would say maybe he was telling the truth when he said that he loved you. There are different kinds of love though(i.e friend love, faimly love, and in love)
Maybe your next question to him should be what did he mean by the word love. What ever the answer he gives, I hope it's the one you want.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

widowsaddiction 47F

6/2/2006 3:52 pm

Willy~You're right, I know you're right....but it's difficult to wait.

Mr. Bulge-errrrific~I have answered all your questions. When do I get the naughty list of questions? I love answering those.

Mis~That is a great idea. I was trying to figure out how I was going to bring this up and get clarification, and you're right. I need to just ask what kind he's talking about here. I like the last line in your post...I need to remember that.

bulging_boy 49M

6/5/2006 12:22 am

Naughty list?

Hmmm... tell me more.

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