who loves ya baby?  

wickedeasy 66F  
14952 posts
9/3/2006 11:39 am
who loves ya baby?

i am reading anna quindlen's new book - rise and shine. two sisters - one a famous morning talk show host, one a social worker with the homeless.

" Four years in, and the two people I loved most were still in a battle for my soul."

the sister vs. the lover. when i read the line, right before I nodded off, i smiled. but as the night went on and my dreams became more nightmarish and my sleep more fractured, i began to think about where the man i love fits in with my family, my friends. my family adore my ex husband. so do my friends.

when i introduced D to my family, we had just spent the drive over to my mom's with his fingers inside me, making me come over and over. my mother commented on my high color - grins. then she offered her hand to D, which he took and i swear i almost choked. i slipped into the bathroom to gather my wits. he met my brother and a niece that night also. my brother liked him. my mother's husband liked him. my niece loathed him but that was because usually when i am with her - she has my undivided attention.

no one else mentions him ever. when i got an invitation to my sister's daughter's wedding next month, it was for me and my ex husband.

i've met his friends and family - some of them are wonderful. some of them are, well, odd. they seem to accept me and his mom and his son love me as does his best friend and the wives of all the hungry academics. the husbands find me a bit scary. and there are some folks i have yet to meet - after 4 years.

we rarely socialize - we are so hungry for each other's company that the time we do have, we don't want to share. but what does that mean in terms of how we will survive in the real world. eventually, the bedroom door has to open, right?


do your friends like your partner?
do his friends like you?

do you care?

i'm not sure i care. but i wonder .........

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
9/3/2006 1:37 pm

When I did have one I lived with they all gotalong cause they all got stoned together all the time, I hated it

wickedeasy replies on 9/3/2006 1:51 pm:
oh god - that's worse

AstirRelicLatah 64M
1993 posts
9/3/2006 2:11 pm

Yes, yes and yes...and, this advice is not for you, but a general comment....make sure you keep your friends and don't lose them to your significant others friends.

wickedeasy replies on 9/4/2006 6:50 am:
i know - i remember my first boyfriend in seventh grade - i was so obsessed that i let all of my friendships just fade away

then he left - and i wondered where all my friends were - shakes head

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
9/3/2006 5:02 pm

I think the secret is to imagine your lives as two overlapping circles. Where they do not overlap is each person's own personal life and the things that give them personal fulfilment. This includes circles of friends.

Where they do overlap an effort has to be made to pursue those things and friends that are shared.

Both need looking after and nurturing. It is a huge mistake in a relationship to assume that you will overlap completely and all will be shared.

Like everything on life the skill is in the balance.

warm xx

wickedeasy replies on 9/4/2006 6:51 am:
good analogy - balance is key

libgemOH 56M/52F

9/3/2006 6:00 pm

Although Jim gets along with just about everyone (male whore, I tell ya!! ) It wouldn't matter to me one way or another. See, I'm the one who doesn't get along with anyone in my family!! -B

wickedeasy replies on 9/4/2006 6:51 am:

maybe Jim can get them to like you again

hugs and a smooch

MaggiesWishes 59F

9/4/2006 7:13 am

Some one has to "adopt" me first!!!
Then I can meet family and friends

My daughter and I could not deal with the threads of our family so we kicked them to the curb and went our merry way. That may sound bad, but trust me, you had to be there to understand.

Now, we see our close friends as family. And thankfully, we receive love from strangers, who are more family than they will ever know.
I know somedays it makes all the difference when someone leaves you a warm smile on your monitor

I'll behave, Sis. I'll bring my smile
I hope to make it up there soon.
Have a great day!
Blessing are with ya and around ya.

wickedeasy replies on 9/4/2006 10:41 am:
i can't wait mags

soon, eh?

rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
9/4/2006 7:49 am

What my husband and I did was to find one thing that we adore doing that's also social and we made this activity a part of our married life. We always do this one thing together and it's the place where most of our friends and family meet us for connection. For us that's ceremony. for others that might a big Sunday dinner that they begin hosting just have the connection with those they love in their community and family. It's made our marriage richer for it.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....


wickedeasy replies on 9/4/2006 10:43 am:
this is a marvelous suggestion - course it may ahve to wiat until i find the key to the padlock on the bedroom

i like the idea of a family dinner - family of us - friends and the stray relative allowed

thanks - hugs

MaggiesWishes 59F

9/4/2006 1:51 pm

Fall in New England ... the change of colors ... the crisp mornings ... the ... OH, wow now you got me excited!
Let me know when I need to activate my "day pass"
and I'm on my way, Sis

Someone let left the water on it's freaking storming here! Buckets!
Duck weather!
I forgot my umbrella at home
Can we say "wet"?

warm huggies 2ya Sis

wickedeasy replies on 9/5/2006 10:10 am:
oh yes, we can say wet - but it's so much nicer just to be wet

Suicidia 50F

9/6/2006 11:11 pm

He likes jacina - in fact he thinks, as so many of us do, that she is bonkers! My family do not know him, and, given my family history, he is very grateful for that. His family, on the other hand, have welcomed me with open arms, and I now have the family I have yearned for all my life. He has few friends, but those he does have seem to give me a wide berth. They all seem to be friendly with his ex-wife though, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised!

wickedeasy replies on 9/7/2006 4:41 pm:
well that jac is a whack - but such a delicious one

and that couple thing - hard to break in - been there, done that and i burned the damned t shirt

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