lonely, i'm so lonely............  

wickedeasy 66F  
14977 posts
9/5/2006 10:55 am
lonely, i'm so lonely............

i started to post about a work experience and then realized that it might be construed as a breach of confidentiality. i am so careful about this at work as many of our clients are survivors of domestic violence or have mental health issues. i erased it. but then i thought to myself - isn't it odd that here, where i feel so free to talk about so many things, both emotional and intellectual, that i can't share something that i really need input on.

i can't talk to anyone at work. i can't talk to any of my clients. i can't talk to people i know that might know parties involved. so i just sit with this thing. and it feels heavier and heavier - like a stone weighing me down. when i got a call earlier this morning from the family shelter, i realized as the acting PD went on and on about an employee, that this part of my job - being a receptacle for all the information and yet never able to share the burden of some of it - is the most difficult part.

folks say, "how can you pick him up off the ground, all covered with vomit and excrement"(okay so they don't say excrement), but this is easy for me to do. it's easy to do the work, to find a detox, to get someone into the shower, to set up a scabies clinic, to do all that stuff. what isn't easy is being alone with so much of the information and the politics and the personnel issues and knowing that how you do that means staff get paid - or doesn't. i was wondering how much longer i will be able to keep working and i think i would prefer to work than not work. but at something where i am part of the group - not the boss. i am tired of being alone.

i'd love to do case management again -

what's your dream job?
what about your work drives you apeshit?

do you want to retire?

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

DizzyKittie81 35F

9/5/2006 11:28 am

my dream job... ya know.. i don't know lol my job now drives me bonkers at times but i do love it. I would like to retire yea but i know i'd get bored


rm_CuummDrop 48F
2591 posts
9/5/2006 11:31 am

During my nursing years, i saw so much death, getting close to patients the family's, involved in their daily lives, holidays, made to feel as family, then that one day,, they are gone... WE, you are on the other side of the spectrum, giving that person (s) a chance, where i was they had no more chances... Celebrate where you are at, its not self serving, you get to give of yourself, endlessly, its draining thou'.. how well i know, but you are strong enough to come thru each and every day...

my dream job, already had it, and life took it away... No worries, happy right where i'm at... and eventually retire, maybe,, retire to one job..



Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c

wickedeasy replies on 9/5/2006 12:23 pm:
retire to one job - ah the american dream sure has changed

thanks Wendy - you lift my spirits every time we speak

much love


rm_PeanutJackie 35F
1286 posts
9/5/2006 3:34 pm

hey WE, if you need someone to talk to, you know how to find me. I'll resend ya my number again, since you don't have it anymore

"I am beautiful no matter what you say, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today."

wickedeasy replies on 9/5/2006 4:45 pm:
the issue is i can't talk about some of it

and part of me is broken by that - i find it overwhelming - i decided to speak to a priest - smiles - ana will be happy with me

missana 58F
42 posts
9/5/2006 4:14 pm

sweetie...your job is hard, theres no doubt about it...i live in la la land by comparison..

what i hate most about my job?...the clients, i often feel like i need to shower after meetings...

my dream job?......queen of the universe...sorry, but you did say 'dream'..

retire?...not applicable........but, stop working?...never...

wickedeasy replies on 9/5/2006 4:44 pm:
your work is also your art - this makes you driven in a way that artists are driven, no?

by the way - how many cats did you end up with?

love to you and ta petite

FrankPicasso 52M

9/5/2006 4:51 pm

My co-worker has a lot of great sayings. One of them is "Boss spelled backwards is Double SOB." It is indeed lonely at the top, isn't it? I'm still looking to pursue that meaningless paperwork job. Got any leads for me?

wickedeasy replies on 9/7/2006 4:45 pm:

how about working for HUD?

elysianpleasure 47M

9/5/2006 5:12 pm

I totally understand what you are talking about. My job has a great deal of this as well... although for different reasons. It really stinks not to be able to talk about some of this stuff. In my case, the folks I can talk to about it... all have too many agendas and politics... so you can't really discuss it in he way I sometimes feel I need to. In some ways that is why I am here. But even here there are things we just can't discuss.

I feel like retiring all the time now... why, politics and just getting burnt out. It is too hard sometimes to get basic things done without it becoming complex and a production. I don't want the job to become me.

My dream job... is to work for myself... start my own company that makes doing the right thing not something that conflicts with profits. I think it is actually possible to be ethical, socially responsible, and a profitable company all at the same time... we just seem to have decided that stock holder value is the only measure of a companies importance. I know absract... but sorry... can't really talk about it all...

wickedeasy replies on 9/7/2006 4:46 pm:
lol - neither can i - talk about it i mean

and if you can run a nonprofit without endlessly sucking up and kissing ass, call me - that's my kind of place

missana 58F
42 posts
9/5/2006 6:21 pm

wickedeasy replies on 9/5/2006 6:45 pm:
the issue is i can't talk about some of it

and part of me is broken by that - i find it overwhelming - i decided to speak to a priest - smiles - ana will be happy with me

surprised would be more like it....

priests, are sometimes, helpful...

im sorry youve such a heavy burden....anything, that works to lighten the load, is good...hugs

wickedeasy replies on 9/7/2006 4:48 pm:
i caved - i talked to a UU pastor that i adore - he took me to look at the ocean and watch the incoming tide swirl this amazing seaweed garden in a glorious dance

it helped

MaggiesWishes 59F

9/5/2006 7:21 pm

My dream job ... I sorta live it, I'm a lifelong caregiver. No matter what, there is someone that leans on me. And yet, in my little dark corner, there is just me when I feel that I need to explode ... the silence of the tree falls in the forest for no one to hear ...

but I hear ya Sis.
warm huggies 2ya
ya know ya loved.

wickedeasy replies on 9/7/2006 4:51 pm:
i think you should be the director of a family shelter - what do YOU think?

ButteryDelight 58F

9/6/2006 7:34 am

i enjoy what i am doing now which is working with the elderly. It is stress full and the pay is not good so i will eventually have to do something else. i'd like to go back and finish nursing school or go into radiology and be an x-ray technician.

Buttery Delight

wickedeasy replies on 9/8/2006 10:35 am:
i'm not sure i could go back to school again but i would love to do nursing as well

Bladesong 40F
476 posts
9/7/2006 3:49 pm

Wicked I can't completely understand but I think I do partially. I can't discuss my work very much due to certain reasons however sometimes I really need to. I am not sure what I would do if I could do anything. I do like that I get to help people with my work. I don't think I will be able to retire just because of having to support my family.

~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!

Be Good to those around you!


wickedeasy replies on 9/8/2006 10:37 am:
hi and thanks for coming by - hugs

if i could do anything, i'd do what i do without the politics and the fundraising - grins

MaggiesWishes 59F

9/8/2006 10:51 am

Sis ... I'm ready when you are for the "Fall Colors" to surround me

Oh and I'm not taking your line... I'm sharing it with you
Nekkie Friday~~ woohoooo!
Miss ya, let's talk this weekend!

wickedeasy replies on 9/8/2006 11:49 am:
kk - will call tomorrow

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