Feeling like a teenager  

whoknew411 42M
160 posts
10/5/2005 8:00 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Feeling like a teenager

When I was a kid, a remember clearly that in the evenings my mind would race. It was as if I were some zombie during the day and then at night there would be this transformation. I suspect it had to do with my mother. She was a genuinely good person. She is still alive, but I don't get to see her as much.

It's this feeling that I used to smoke to get rid of. I'm sure there's some doctor out there who knows in detail what chemical processes were shaping that need.

I get the impression that there is only one need in a person. The need can be satisfied in any number of ways, but it's like a bucket with a leak, it's never full because there's a hole in it. So day follows day as we ladle existence into need.

I'm lucky right now because I'm not hemmoraging money, but I'm still mostly alone. My ex, god bless her, has been helpful. She me of everything good in my life a year ago, and now that she's sitting pretty she's generous.

Heh, so it goes, po-tee-weet. I'm watching a movie with Katherine Hepburn, her face and my ex's are so similar. Both severe, and strong jawed, and porcelain and beautiful.

There's a lot to be said for a face. There are some people it takes years to really see correctly.

I've got that same feeling tonight, that racing mind, that unfulfilled need. If I were with a woman I'd call it lust, with a man competition, with a keyboard it's something else.

So many times in the past couple of weeks I've almost taken the step to bring someone into my life and balked. It's all I can do to even put myself in those situations, to seize the opportunities they present is simply asking for it. For now I'm content to earn my way and keep my company. I'm beginning to feel like Frog from Frog and Toad. He was always the cautious one as I recall.


smartmama 58F

10/6/2005 9:01 am

Wow, a Katherine Hepburn face is as good as it gets. The voice though, don't think that would work.

Was it "Suddenly Last Summer?"

I've got that same feeling tonight, that racing mind, that unfulfilled need. If I were with a woman I'd call it lust, with a man competition, with a keyboard it's something else.

Great paragraph


smartmama 58F

10/8/2005 11:48 am

Yeah, well, I just dropped my 10 year old off at a birthday party. She can't get over the fact that the birthday girl's grandmother is my age. I told her that is what happens when 16 year old girls give birth and I hope she waits...Ha.


smartmama 58F

10/20/2005 5:08 am

31 is when I started to think about kids. My ex was 8 years younger. He is remarried to someone exactly my age.

My boyfriend post divorce, was very close to my kids, but it was the dog he loved. He told me he "lost so much, so much more than just me" when we broke up. Now he is angry at me (some old bitterness) and won't talk to me. I hate it when you've put someone in the loving category in your memories, and they just won't stay there. Ya know?

We are going to the Berkshires tomorrow for the weekend. I hear it is going to be very cold and stormy. Guess we'll find a fireplace somewhere.

Oh, and Cheney. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.


Become a member to create a blog