|Blogs > whoknew411 > Mentally Challenged Dating|
For the first time in a long, long time, I was close to someone last night. I've known her for about six months. We didn't have sex, but it would seem reasonable to say we will in the near future. It's been so long since I've been with someone other than my last girlfriend I find it difficult to contemplate, let alone jump into.
She's very attractive, I'm rather lucky as far as that goes. She's built like a little elf woman, I joked with her last night about putting spock ears on her. I'm so much larger than her, the disparity is fascinating to me.
I hope I didn't dissapoint her by not sleeping with her. It's difficult for me to become comfortable with new people. If I were a girl people would call me a tease.
Next time is THE time though... to think it's been the better part of four years since I've been with anyone besides my ex. It's strange to even consider it. I'm no prude, I've been with plenty of women, but to change after four years takes some adjusting.
I wish it were already done. My heart has some residual feelings for my ex. I want it to go away, I want to stand on my own. It's ridiculous, to see me flailing about in life. I'm a comic, all this is a farce. I'll be found out eventually, exposed for a phony, Holden Caufield's ghost.
The emotional feeling I have invested in some upcoming orgasm is insane, overproduced, it's nonsense hollywood fluff. And I believe it like a religion when it happens. I'll bust a nut and be in love, because that's what I do.
My only defense, against this dark enemy of caring, is that she's older. She's ten years older. I might be able to convince myself that is a problem.
I tried to make sure she knows I'm not going to be a boyfriend. I don't know how well I did it. I tried to explain to her that her boyfriend sounds like he's nicer to her than I would be. She listened but it didn't seem like she awknowledged it.
The older I get, the less I'm willing to cater to even my own fetishes. There are things I want her to do in bed that I'd never say. I never thought I'd be so old that simple sexual desires would confuse me. Perhaps she, being older, and hopefully smarter, will teach me to let go.
6/21/2005 12:13 am
Assert yourself. It is now or never these days. As an elf woman myself (5'3"), I hope that things go well. I understand what it is like to end a long term relationship. I was with the same man for nearly 6 years before I met my husband. Things are new and they are that much more tantilizing. I hope that you make the leap.|
6/21/2005 6:49 pm
Best of luck, darling, as you deserve every bit of physical and/or emotional satisfaction that you can get out of this situation. Let go and enjoy yourself.|